You Dropped a Blonde on Me Page 22

  “Oh, it is.”

  Maxine’s eyes narrowed, disgust filtering through her veins like hot lava. “And there it is in a nutshell. All Campbell’s bullshit talk about what a jerk Finley is, and he’s off feeding ice cream to a cheating slut!” She clamped a hand over her mouth to quiet the rise in her dulcet pipes.

  “Well, technically, he’s not cheating at all, Maxine. He’s not married. She is.”

  “Oh, bullshit, Lenore Erickson. That’s cheating by proxy!” It was so much better she’d found out now rather than after she’d fallen for his therapy-like charms and soothing presence. Not to mention his crazy talented lips and swoon-worthy orgasms. Who needed a man-made orgasm when you could have an artificial one anyway? Once they figured out a gadget for taking out the trash, there’d be a day when men would become obsolete.

  Yet it still stung, and Maxine wasn’t sure if that sting was over the fact that she was still attracted to jerk-offs or because it hurt that Campbell actually was a jerk-off. She might have run away from him for fear of getting in too deep, but she’d still wanted Campbell to be a good guy.

  The slimy pig.

  Len rose, brushing stray crumbs from her trousers, to give her a dry response. “I couldn’t agree more. You want me to go make sure he heard that, or should we just take it for granted this place has awesome acoustics?”

  Maxine’s eyes rose with a defiant glance in the direction of the countertop. Good. They were staring at her. That was exactly how she’d planned it. She slid from the booth, coughing on her way out.

  There was only one thing to do.

  Make things worse than they already were.

  Impulse gave her feet wings, carrying her to the front of the diner where that cheating slut and her man-whore dined on ice cream like it was a forbidden sexual act. The time for retribution on behalf of every cheated-on spouse was finally here, and Maxine was going to dole it out two servings at a time.

  Lisa caught sight of Maxine making her way toward them first, jumping up from her chair like she was greeting a long-lost friend. “Maxine! Oh, my God. It’s so good to see you!” Lisa pulled her into a hug, her perfume enveloping Maxine’s nostrils until she almost choked from the cloyingly sweet scent.

  Setting her from her svelte body, Lisa smiled. Kinda warm, but Maxine decided it was just good acting. She should know, she’d done it a million times. “You look terrific, honey. So great. I heard about you and Finley, and I just wanted to tell you, good for you. He’s a pig. I always knew it—what he’s done confirms it.”

  Wasn’t that like the pot calling the kettle pitch-black? Maxine cocked her head at a “Huh” angle. “Hey, pot, quit calling the kettle a pig!” she reprimanded with a waving finger.

  Lisa’s face collapsed. “What?”

  Campbell, still seated, put a possessive hand to Lisa’s waist. The very hand that had visited that exact locale on Maxine’s body a time or two. Jealousy streaked a bright and shimmery path through her veins.

  By God, he didn’t deserve her jealousy. How dare he create that kind of ugly in her—even a little. Jealousy was a powerful emotion, leaving her infuriated with herself. She really hadn’t come that far at all if a liar like Campbell evoked such a passionate reaction. Why couldn’t she just be indifferent? Why did it hurt to be rejected by a man who wasn’t worthy of the poop she scooped?

  Even stunned, Lisa’s face was still beautiful. “Maxine? I don’t understand,” she said in a pleading tone.

  Campbell popped his lips, his expression wry. “Oh, I do. Let me explain. I think Maxine’s calling you a cheating liar, but I’m not one hundred percent sure. She’s making fancy euphemisms a simple boy like me just doesn’t understand.”

  Charming. Wasn’t he just? Always had an answer for everything. Always with the pretense he wasn’t a smooth operator—wooing little old ladies and their dogs when he was really just a poorer version of the playa Finley was.

  Maxine’s anger at her reaction to seeing Campbell with another woman, combined with the bleak reality that she’d once more fallen for some man’s line, erupted like a whistle-blowing teakettle, all hot and steamy. “That’s right! I said it. That’s exactly what I’m calling you—both of you! How could you do this to Benjamin, Lisa? And you,” she swung around to rasp in Campbell’s face, one that was unruffled, serving only to make her anger swell to new proportions. “You jerk! You’re no better than she is. Just because you’re not married, doesn’t mean you’re not cheating by proxy. It’s conspiracy to commit infidelity. Ohhhh, am I ever glad I ditched you, or I’d be no better off than I was when I was married to Finley! But I’m not an idiot anymore, Campbell Barker. I see right through you and your crap!”

  Campbell didn’t move a muscle. His hand remained firmly at Lisa’s waist. Nor did he defend himself. And if she had to give a definitive answer one way or the other, she’d call that little move on his part downright galling. The best defense was obviously no defense.

  Lisa, on the other hand, was all sound and motion. Her bangle bracelets clanged, while her lying mouth moved. “Maxine, honey, this isn’t what you think! I swear to you—”

  “Yeahhhhh,” Maxine shouted back, letting sarcasm drip from her words. “That’s what Finley said about every nubile vagina he encountered.” She let her voice go deep in an almost perfect mimic of Finley’s. “ ‘This isn’t what you think, Maxine.’ I have to ask myself, what is someone supposed to think when they find out their spouse has willingly taken his clothes off and stuck his you know what in another woman’s boy-howdy!”

  Len grabbed her arm. “Enough, Maxine,” she ordered in her ear with a terse reprimand. “Turn yourself around and march your big mouth out of here while you can still hold your head up.”

  Campbell rose, shooting Len a stern warning glance. “No, Len. I’ll handle this.”

  Disbelief riddled Maxine’s features. “Handle this? Handle? How dare you say something like that to me! I’ll show you handled!” Her outrage was loud and proud.

  Though Campbell’s sudden lean into her gave her bravado a run for its money. His next words were tight and filled with unconcealed anger. “Do you remember when I said you were sensitive, Max? That maybe communication was in your best interest before you jumped the gun and started waving around accusations?”

  Yeah. She remembered it. So? Yet, that conversation returned, flitting through her memory like the gossamer wings of a butterfly. Fleeting and fast. And then she understood.

  Oh. It was like that.

  Hoo boy.

  Maxine had a sinking feeling one of those stupid post-divorce life lessons was in her near future. Her anger fizzled. She bowed her head, peeking out at him from behind her lashes. Every rage-filled vessel in her body now quivered with submission. She’d gone and done it again with her insecurities and stupid conclusion jumping. There was nothing else to do but own it. “I remember.”

  Campbell hitched his tight jaw in Lisa’s direction. “Good. That conversation applies to the here and now. Lisa is my lying, cheating cousin. On my mother’s side, if you’re looking for specifics. We used to ride bikes together, and when we rode bikes together, we rode them here—to this very diner. Where, as sort of a family tradition between cousins, we always shared an ice cream sundae.”

  Yes indeedy. She’d been right on the money.

  This here was a life lesson.

  Seek impulse-control medication.

  In bulk.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Note from Maxine Henderson to all ex-trophy wives: Sometimes secrets come back to bite you in your not-so-youthful butt. Better yet, sometimes they’re not your secrets doing the biting—which is always a relief, no? Leave no stone unturned in your quest to live in the light. The truth is out there. Or at least that’s what Fox Mulder always said.

  Humiliation made her legs quiver. Lenore was right behind her, holding her up. “We’re going now,” Len said briskly. “Lisa, it was terrific to see you. You look fabulous. Say hello to Benjamin for me.” S
he gave Maxine a hard shove toward the diner’s doors. “Campbell? Please,” Len said, her tone weary. “Find it in your heart to forgive both me and my lunatic friend. I thought I was jokingly pointing out the obvious to Maxine, when in fact, I only added fuel to her fire. I think calling her raw wouldn’t be an overstatement, though nonetheless inexcusable.” Her friend’s parting words stung Maxine’s ears as she ushered her out of the diner.

  Pine trees surrounded the area, their scent clinging to the hot July air, making Maxine want to gag. Side by side, in total silence, they made their way to the back of the parking lot. The click of Lenore’s heels was a sure indicator she was cranked. When they reached her car, Maxine grabbed Len’s hand, her eyes filled with sheepish regret. “Too much empowerment again?” She bit her bottom lip while she waited for Len to let her have it.

  Len’s mouth fell open. “That’s an understatement if I ever heard one.”

  Maxine rubbed the space between her eyes with her thumb. “I’m sorry I embarrassed you.”

  Her sharp eyes glinted. “You didn’t embarrass me, but wow, I bet you feel like shit now, huh? When are you going to get over yourself, Maxine? When are you going to take the hardcore lessons you’ve learned from being married to a prick like Finley and use them for your greater good?”

  Maxine’s chin fell to her chest, duly chastised and grateful Len hadn’t dragged her out of there by her hair. “Like I said before, my behavior’s exactly why I shouldn’t date Campbell or anyone.”

  Len’s lips thinned. “That’s just an excuse to behave badly.”

  Was it? Was. It? Maybe it was . . . “One minute I’m moving right along, thinking I’ve got it all together and the next I’m a mouth without censor, taking up the noble sword for all cheated-upon spouses. I don’t know what comes over me—it just does.”

  “I know what’s come over you. You’ve discovered you have an opinion and you’re winging it around like a baseball bat. You just don’t know how to clamp that pretty mouth shut and keep it to yourself or better still, ask questions first before you lose your mind in a public place. But you’re learning—the hard way, but still learning.”

  Maxine’s eyes went skyward in remorse. It really would be okay if you decided now was my time to meet my maker. I’d go willingly. No questions asked.

  Len brushed Maxine’s hair from her face. “Look, I’m not going to indulge this for long, honey. No one will. I love you, but you can’t just go screaming ‘whore’ at the top of your lungs whenever you see some imagined injustice without investigating it first. Did you see Lisa’s face? Jesus, she was crushed. She and Benjamin are one of the very few couples from that elite circle we traveled in that really do love each other.”

  Maxine cringed, running a hand over her grainy eyes. The horror on Lisa’s face flashed before her closed eyes. She’d used the phrase boy-howdy in reference to Lisa’s hoo-hah. Humiliation bludgeoned her from the inside out. “I’m clearly lacking in the area of social cues. Seeing them together just hit a hot button for me.”

  “Uh-huh. But here’s the thing about hot buttons, if you want to champion their cause, don’t do it at the top of your lungs in a public place like you’re some superhero who’s been given a cape and her own invisible plane.”

  “I get it. I promise to stop defending truth, justice, and the marital way . . . I’ll apologize to both Lisa and Campbell the second I can get them to consider canceling the restraining orders,” she joked, hoping to lift the wet blanket of Len’s discontent.

  But Len wasn’t in the slack-cutting mood. “That’s fine, Maxine. But eventually, apologies aren’t going to cut it anymore. Campbell is none of your business. You made it clear you don’t want to take a chance on getting involved with him. So what right do you have to stick your nose in where it doesn’t belong with a man who’s free to date whoever the hell he wants to date?”

  God. She hated hearing Campbell thought about dating anyone but her.

  And Jesus. What kind of bullshit was that? Who did she think she was? She’d blown him off out of her fear. She’d avoided him when he was fixing that stupid pipe in her mother’s bathroom, and she didn’t answer his phone calls. Yet, she wanted him to eat fattening fried foods and wander around in her old shirt while he mourned something that had never even gotten off the ground?

  Christ.

  The sigh Maxine let go was shaky when she ran a hand over her forehead. “All I could think of was Benjamin and how awful it would be for him to find out his much younger wife had gone AWOL. I know how much it hurts to be blindsided like that.” That hurt had once taken over every aspect of her life, kept her guarded, hypersensitive to anything even a little off-kilter.

  She’d once awakened with it, eaten with it, shopped with it, slept with it. It was the kind of hurt that never gave you any peace. It jaded you, ate at you, and eventually turned you into a shrieking, self-righteous shrew. Obviously.

  Len’s hands gripped her shoulders. “I’m sure you thought you were defending Benjamin’s honor, Maxine. I shouldn’t have teased you, but I was certain you’d come to a place where you’d realize a casual, mature investigation was in order. Like, ‘Hey, Campbell and Lisa. What brings you two here—together?’ Not a complete flip out. I knew there had to be an explanation. Campbell’s a good guy, whether you want him to be or not.”

  “I don’t know what I want,” she admitted in defeat.

  “Sure you do. You want to explore Campbell. The problem is you don’t trust that you trust Campbell.”

  “That makes no sense. And you’re right. I had no right to stick my nose in where it doesn’t belong.” Though in the moment, she’d felt like she was championing some great cause for all who’d suffered infidelity.

  “You stuck your nose in because you were jealous, Maxine. Just own it.”

  Her defense mechanism kicked in. “I was not jealous. I was just looking out for an old acquain—”

  “Len?” a silky voice said from the dark.

  They both whirled around to see a tall man, a very attractive, well-dressed, tall man, come out of the shadows and into the overhead lights of the parking lot. Maxine noted the myriad emotions flitting over her best friend’s face, giving her the grateful opportunity to forget her own stupidity for just a moment. Surprise was certainly there, but so was a flicker of warmth mixed with anger at this man’s intrusion.

  Len’s voice was low and definitely irritated when she asked, “What are you doing here?”

  His voice, on the other hand, was controlled, no-nonsense, and damned sexy. “Eating before our date.”

  Maxine’s eyes went from Len’s to the handsome interloper’s, searching for the signals they were sending to each other without saying a word.

  Len’s said, “How dare you show up here unannounced” with a dagger of a death stare.

  His said, “Oh, I dare” with arrogantly cocky overtones.

  Mere seconds passed, filled with the kind of heat Maxine not only saw, but experienced by way of a proxy shiver. “Len?” Her question wasn’t just one, but a hundred. Like who the hell was this long, tall drink of water, this suit-wearing hunk, and why hadn’t she been let in on the secret they so blatantly shared?

  Len’s arms wrapped around Maxine, giving her a squeeze—a distracted squeeze. “You go home, honey. I’ll call you tomorrow.” Tilting her chin up, her dark eyes focused but a moment on her friend’s before skittering away to parts known as yummy man. “And no more public floggings, okay?”

  Thankful she was no longer in the hot seat, Maxine shook her head. Uh, no. “No, it’s not okay. Don’t shuffle me off because you don’t want to explain what’s going on. Since when do you have a date?” she said out of the side of her mouth.

  “Since you don’t.”

  “Ohhhhhhhhh, nice comeback, Seinfeld. Who is that?” she asked, none too quietly.

  Len’s gravy-scented, huffy breath of air wafted under Maxine’s nose. “Please don’t ask. Just go home.”

  “Adam Baylor,”
he interrupted, sticking a hand over Len’s shoulder in the direction of Maxine.

  She took it and smiled. “Nice to meet you, Adam. And how do you know my best friend in the whole wide world, Len?” Len gave her a “knock it off ” glare, fueling Maxine’s fire and curiosity.

  “We’re dating,” he offered, catching Maxine’s playful glance and joining in.

  “Realllllly?” Stepping around Len, she leaned into Adam, not quite reaching his broad shoulder. “Tell me something, Adam? Don’t you find it funny that Len didn’t tell her best friend in the whole wide world she was dating a man? Especially a good-looking man like yourself?”

  He made a mock punch to his heart. “It hurts right here. To be hidden away like some dirty little secret.”

  Oh. She liked. He had a sense of humor, and the way he looked at her friend made Maxine’s breath flutter.

  Len, however, wasn’t enjoying their banter. Her eyes sent the girlfriend signal, the one that said Maxine was going to lose an eyeball if she didn’t knock it off. “Isn’t Connor waiting for you?”

  A roll of her eyes later and she was shaking Adam’s hand good-bye. “It was nice meeting you, and Len’s right. My son’s waiting for me, and my mother gave me a curfew on her car. But don’t be a stranger. In fact, if you want my phone number, maybe you can call me and fill me in on all the deets my best friend in the whole wide world somehow forgot to share,” she taunted in Len’s direction, backing up again toward her parking space with a grin.

  “Go. Home,” Len hissed with a finger pointed at Mona’s car.

  She threw her hands up in resignation before planting a kiss on her friend’s cheek with a teasing smile. “I’m going. I’m going, but if I don’t hear from you tomorrow about your new stud, mayhem could ensue.”

  A pop of her car door later, and Maxine was safely inside, taking one last peek at a bent-out-of-shape Len and an amused Adam before she drove away. Seeing them together set off a multitude of her own emotions.