The Accidental Genie Read online

  “Dakota never disappoints!”

  —MaryJanice Davidson

  PRAISE FOR

  ACCIDENTALLY CATTY

  “This light, comedic paranormal romance delivers simple, unencumbered entertainment. A lively pace, the bonds of friendship, and bright humor aided by vampiric sarcasm make for a breezy read with charming characters and no shortage of drama. Cassidy’s fans are sure to enjoy this, while newcomers will be reminded of MaryJanice Davidson’s or Kimberly Frost’s work.”

  —Monsters and Critics

  “I have been a fan of Dakota’s since The Accidental Werewolf, book one of this series. I loved all of the books in the series, but I think this book is my favorite . . . Accidentally Catty is very funny, cute, and sexy.”

  —Night Owl Reviews

  “A fun read with some meat to it that will have people looking at you wondering why you’re laughing if you’re out in public.”

  —Fresh Fiction

  ACCIDENTALLY DEMONIC

  “The Accidental series by Ms. Cassidy gets better and better with each book. The snark, the HAWT, the characters, it’s all a winning combination.”

  —Bitten by Books

  “An outstanding paranormal romance . . . Dakota Cassidy delivers snappy dialogue, hot sex scenes, and secondary characters that are just too funny . . . Accidentally Demonic is a hold-your-sides, laugh-out-loud book. With vampires, werewolves, and demons running around, paranormal romance will never be the same.”

  —The Romance Readers Connection

  “Dakota Cassidy’s books make me laugh and laugh. They are such great fun that I always look forward to the next one with gusto . . . I totally loved this book with a capital ‘L.’”

  —Fresh Fiction

  THE ACCIDENTAL HUMAN

  “I highly enjoyed every moment of Dakota Cassidy’s The Accidental Human . . . A paranormal romance with a strong dose of humor.”

  —Errant Dreams

  “A delightful, at times droll, contemporary tale starring a decidedly human heroine . . . Dakota Cassidy provides a fitting twisted ending to this amusingly warm urban romantic fantasy.”

  —Genre Go Round Reviews

  “The final member of Cassidy’s trio of decidedly offbeat friends faces her toughest challenge, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t humor to spare! With emotion, laughter, and some pathos, Cassidy serves up another winner!”

  —RT Book Reviews

  ACCIDENTALLY DEAD

  “A laugh-out-loud follow-up to The Accidental Werewolf, and it’s a winner . . . Ms. Cassidy is an up-and-comer in the world of paranormal romance.”

  —Fresh Fiction

  “An enjoyable, humorous satire that takes a bite out of the vampire romance subgenre . . . Fans will appreciate the nonstop hilarity.”

  —Genre Go Round Reviews

  THE ACCIDENTAL WEREWOLF

  “Cassidy, a prolific author of erotica, has ventured into MaryJanice Davidson territory with a humorous, sexy tale.”

  —Booklist

  “If Bridget Jones became a lycanthrope, she might be Marty. Fun and flirty humor is cleverly interspersed with dramatic mystery and action. It’s hard to know which character to love best, though—Keegan or Muffin, the toy poodle that steals more than one scene.”

  —The Eternal Night

  “A riot! Marty’s internal dialogue will have you howling, and her antics will keep the laughs coming. If you love paranormal with a comedic twist, you’ll love this book.”

  —Romance Junkies

  “A lighthearted romp . . . [An] entertaining tale with an alpha twist.”

  —Midwest Book Review

  MORE PRAISE FOR THE NOVELS OF DAKOTA CASSIDY

  “The fictional equivalent of the little black dress—every reader should have one!”

  —Michele Bardsley

  “Serious, laugh-out-loud humor with heart, the kind of love story that leaves you rooting for the heroine, sighing for the hero, and looking for your own significant other at the same time.”

  —Kate Douglas

  “Expect great things from Cassidy.”

  —RT Book Reviews

  “Very fun, sexy. Five stars!”

  —Affaire de Coeur

  “Dakota Cassidy is going on my must-read list!”

  —Joyfully Reviewed

  “If you’re looking for some steamy romance with something that will have you smiling, you have to read [Dakota Cassidy].”

  —The Best Reviews

  Berkley Sensation titles by Dakota Cassidy

  YOU DROPPED A BLONDE ON ME

  BURNING DOWN THE SPOUSE

  WALTZ THIS WAY

  KISS & HELL

  MY WAY TO HELL

  THE ACCIDENTAL WEREWOLF

  ACCIDENTALLY DEAD

  THE ACCIDENTAL HUMAN

  ACCIDENTALLY DEMONIC

  ACCIDENTALLY CATTY

  ACCIDENTALLY DEAD, AGAIN

  THE ACCIDENTAL GENIE

  THE BERKLEY PUBLISHING GROUP

  Published by the Penguin Group

  Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  375 Hudson Street, New York, New York 10014, USA

  Penguin Group (Canada), 90 Eglinton Avenue East, Suite 700, Toronto, Ontario M4P 2Y3, Canada (a division of Pearson Penguin Canada Inc.) • Penguin Books Ltd., 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England • Penguin Group Ireland, 25 St. Stephen’s Green, Dublin 2, Ireland (a division of Penguin Books Ltd.) • Penguin Group (Australia), 250 Camberwell Road, Camberwell, Victoria 3124, Australia (a division of Pearson Australia Group Pty. Ltd.) • Penguin Books India Pvt. Ltd., 11 Community Centre, Panchsheel Park, New Delhi—110 017, India • Penguin Group (NZ), 67 Apollo Drive, Rosedale, Auckland 0632, New Zealand (a division of Pearson New Zealand Ltd.) • Penguin Books (South Africa) (Pty.) Ltd., 24 Sturdee Avenue, Rosebank, Johannesburg 2196, South Africa

  Penguin Books Ltd., Registered Offices: 80 Strand, London WC2R 0RL, England

  This book is an original publication of The Berkley Publishing Group.

  This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously, and any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.

  Copyright © 2012 by Dakota Cassidy.

  Cover illustration by Katie Wood.

  Cover design by Diana Kolsky.

  All rights reserved.

  No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned, or distributed in any printed or electronic form without permission. Please do not participate in or encourage piracy of copyrighted materials in violation of the author’s rights. Purchase only authorized editions.

  BERKLEY SENSATION® is a registered trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  The “B” design is a trademark of Penguin Group (USA) Inc.

  PUBLISHING HISTORY

  Berkley Sensation trade paperback edition / December 2012

  Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data

  Cassidy, Dakota.

  The accidental genie / Dakota Cassidy.—Berkley Sensation trade paperback ed.

  p. cm.

  ISBN 978-1-101-61354-2

  1. Jinn—Fiction. 2. Werewolves—Fiction. 3. Vampires—Fiction. 4. Paranormal fiction. 5. Humorous ficti
on. I. Title

  PS3603.A8685A63 2012

  813'.6—dc23 2012032338

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  A million thanks to—

  Betzi Cable—who won a contest of mine and was willing to let me immortalize her on paper. I hope I do her fun, friendly personality and Facebook posts justice.

  Charlene Gibbons (I love to Psych enable her!)—who, at a charity auction, outbid everyone else for a shot at being a character in this book. You warmed my heart with your gracious response to winning, and for that, I hope in return, I properly depict the goodness of your kind soul.

  AP—Dude, the title The Accidental Caribou and moose-bits will always have a special place in my heart. Always.

  Autumn—because she’s an awesome fan and she sent me an email with an idea that turned out to be pure gold—you rulez, darlin’!

  The many reruns I watched of I Dream of Jeannie and the incomparable Barbara Eden. When I was six, I wanted to be just like her, and she was who inspired my infamous pretend blonde ponytail made out of a white baby blanket. Thanks for so many happy, happy memories and for giving my wild imagination a visual.

  My Facebook/Twitter fans—you guys are hardcore! I love that you’ll offer me suggestions about my current works in progress, and I love it even more when I end up using them as I did with Erica and Dan’s! Love you all so hard!

  My brother, Chris, and my SIL, Cathy—because they had an idea made of genius that helped me plot this book!

  Most of all, this is for the late L. A. Banks. In all my author travels, conventions, and online interactions, she always stood out as a prime example of warmth and graciousness. From the moment I first met her in Pittsburgh, I adored the ease with which she laughed. I adored her all-inclusive nature, and never to be forgotten, I adored her Randy Jackson impression at a panel we did together. L.A. was everything I want to be when I grow up. She was all things good and kind, and I’ll always count myself blessed to have shared time with her. Wherever you are, my friend, it’s a much brighter place with plenty of big L.A. hugs to go around.

  Dakota Cassidy

  CONTENTS

  TITLE PAGE

  COPYRIGHT

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  EPILOGUE

  AUTHOR’S NOTE

  I’ve totally run in a million different directions with djinn folklore. Some of it came from my love of the Disney movie Aladdin and the sitcom I Dream of Jeannie, and some of it was all just part of my imagination. A lot of it was pop culture’s take on genies. I’ve made my own rules (which shouldn’t surprise you) and created my own idea of what a genie’s world would be like. My intent is never to insult or offend anyone who celebrates a particular belief in any culture. My apologies in advance if I have. If I’ve gotten something wrong, any and all mistakes are mine.

  CHAPTER

  1

  “Thank you for calling OOPS. We’re here to serve all your paranormal crisis needs. This is Wanda . . . er, Sloan Flaherty—werewolf at large. How can I help you?” His voice was bored and robotic as he read the greeting he’d been told to repeat if he had to answer the phones. To amuse himself, Sloan leaned back in his chair and threw his feet up on Nina’s desk with a sly grin.

  Nina Blackman-Statleon, one of his sister-in-law Marty’s best friends, would gnaw his foot clear off if she caught him—which only made him smile wider. He loved to razz Nina, badass vampire and all round easily irritated female.

  He waited for the person on the other end of the line to speak while he took great pleasure in peeling Nina’s sticky pads apart and making the shape of a Christmas tree on her desktop out of the assorted pink, green, and blue squares.

  A female voice, rich with hesitance and a thread of what Sloan clearly pinpointed with his razor-sharp wolfie skills as fear, said, “Um, hello?”

  Sloan fought a yawn. How he’d been talked into answering the OOPS phones while Marty and her friends went off shopping left him scratching his head. Those women could talk a man out of his penile implant given an hour and a couple of Nina’s imposing threats.

  “Yeah. Hi. This is Sloan.” He cleared his throat, Marty’s warning still ringing in his ears. If someone calls and they sound alone and afraid, remember to make a withdrawal from your sensitivity account, Sloan Flaherty, she’d threatened followed by Nina, who’d said, You fuck this up, and I’ll eat your arm clear off.

  He straightened in his chair, injecting warmth into his voice. “How can I help you?” he purred, then cringed. Okay. That sounded just a little too 1-900-Sex-MeUp.

  But the caller didn’t notice. The return answer was tinny and filled with static. “Is this for real?”

  “Is what for real?” He popped a Cheetos in his mouth, lifting the phone away from his lips to block out the abrasive crunch.

  “This Out in the Open Paranormal Support?”

  “Oh, it’s for real.” Sloan fought a snort. Maybe a little crazy but totally real. His brother, Keegan, hadn’t loved the idea of his wife, Marty, and her friends starting up a help line for those in need of support after a paranormal accident.

  Each woman at OOPS, a vampire, werewolf, werevamp, and demon respectively, was the product of an accidental paranormal incident. That was how Keegan met Marty in the first place. While in werewolf form, he’d accidentally bitten her when she was walking her poodle, Muffin, fell in love, and eventually married her.

  Then a cluster of coincidences happened, leaving Marty’s friends bitten and turned into shapeshifters, too. This had led the four women to believe there had to be others like them. Others who’d been turned, not necessarily with malicious intent but rather in a bizarre turn of events. Keegan didn’t think the stats on that were very high, and frankly, he’d agreed with his big brother at the time.

  Nor had his brother believed any paranormal accident victim would actually call to ask for help from the operation the women had so carefully set up. But not even his brother, alpha male of their pack with a bossy streak a mile wide, could push Marty around when she set her mind to something.

  So the four women, women Sloan was exposed to on an ongoing basis because his brother was married to one of them, had set up a cheap basement office on the off chance there’d be walk-ins. They also had a 1-800 number and website for global support.

  Marty was a force when she wanted something, and she never did anything halfway, Keegan had explained with as much manly as he could muster for being so whipped.

  What Keegan avoided copping to was the fact that he was totally besotted with his accidentally turned wife, and he couldn’t say no to her blue eyes and the pretty pout of her lips. There was no force to it at all, just mad love on both their parts. Mad love that made them both behave like complete idiots.

  Sloan wasn’t a fan of complete idiot—or a commitment like marriage or anything that tied him to anyone for longer than the time it took to scope out a mutually satisfying, yet completely no-strings-attached arrangement. At least, that used to be the case. For the past year, he’d been rethinking his life plan.

  The crackling static on the other end of the line grew louder, recapturing his attention. “Can you explain what exactly it is that you do? I mean, I googled the words paranormal and help, which was just a wildly random lucky guess in terms of my predicament, and a total shot in the dark in my
panic. You guys were second only to the show Paranormal State. Did I miss something somewhere? OOPS came up as a help line for people who’ve had paranormal accidents. I can’t seem to make the connection between being haunted and the word accident. How does something like that happen by accident? Either a ghost wants to haunt you or it doesn’t. There’s so much room for interpretation here.”

  Leave it to Marty, part owner of Bobbie-Sue Cosmetics and their marketing guru, to have OOPS all up in Google’s business, with ads for their service and mega tags galore. It was to be expected that when the average human heard the word paranormal, their television-saturated minds went instantly to ghosts and Melinda Gordon. “Uh, well, I’m told they specialize in what’s called a paranormal crisis.”

  “They?”

  “Us. Sorry. Us.” Marty would kill him if he scared off a potential client. He wouldn’t worry so much about it if not for the fact that Marty could nag a dead man to death. Add Nina, Casey, and Wanda to the mix, stir, and being nagged to death was no longer just an expression of speech—it was a real possibility.

  “I can’t get to the OOPS site for more information. My phone just won’t download it. I was lucky to nab the phone number before it crashed. So I’m sort of going in blind.”

  That was probably because Marty had more shiny on that site than Tiffany’s. Only Lover of All Things Decorated Marty would have a site designed with pictures of sparkly vampires enclosed in a red circle with a big X over it. Nina the vampire said it was to reassure those who thought they might have been turned into vamps that they wouldn’t sparkle in the sunlight—a fear that was common these days, according to her.

  “Are you still there?”

  Yeah. Sloan looked at his watch. Unfortunately, he was still here. “Sorry. Yes. I’m still here.”

  “So can you define a paranormal crisis for me? Does it mean you have ghosts in your house or dead people making your walls bleed? You know, the disembodied voice that tells you to Get out! Is OOPS like Ghostbusters? Because I’m not sure that’s what I’m in the market for.”

  How did you define the kind of crazy that was paranormal? “First, before we go any further and waste not just my time, but yours, I have to ask you some questions.”