The Polanski Brothers: Home of Eternal Rest Read online

  Joy’s skin crawled. “Yeah, he’s a skunk and he’s fucking with my brother, who isn’t exactly at his best after Alan. He’s vulnerable right now and I’m not going to let Liam try to worm his way into my family by way of Ethan.”

  “Go get ’em, tiger, and until then, let’s go work off all of your anger.”

  Joy giggled. “I suppose working off my anger involves getting naked.”

  Larkin turned the key in the ignition and said sheepishly, “Well, yeah…”

  * * *

  Larkin went off to play detective and Joy spent the early evening tying up loose ends at the parlor. No bodies, no embalming, and frankly, Joy was grateful. She didn’t know if she could stomach one more vamp bite. She hadn’t seen Ethan all day and his connection to Liam was worrying her more with each passing moment. Joy headed to her office to do some paperwork and maybe relax a moment or two.

  Nudging her way into her office, she rounded her desk and plopped down in her chair. Leaning forward, she cradled her head in the crook of her arm.

  God, this was exhausting. If she and Larkin didn’t find out who was whacking people vampire style, more gay men were going to end up dead. Joy lifted her head and propped it on her wrist.

  Then there was this whole thing with Larkin and how hot she was for him. If she had a heart she’d probably have a warm fuzzy or something. How could she possibly continue a relationship with a man who was not only human, but definitely not a permanent member of Easton? Larkin McBride was going to go home and leave her crying in a bowl of blood pudding if she wasn’t careful. Forget careful. She was already there. She was already worrying about the time when Larkin would leave Easton and she’d have to get the dustpan to clean up the broken pieces of her heart.

  Oh, wait. She didn’t have one of those. A heart, that is.

  Cool. No debris.

  Well, she did have the emotion that went with having a heart, even if it wasn’t an organ she owned. She certainly was experiencing all of the agony generally associated with a heart. Her belly was in an uproar and the idea of Larkin left her stomach churning.

  There was too much going on in her head right now. She was worried about Ethan. She was worried about why Ethan was hanging around with a limp dick like Liam. Joy tried Ethan’s cell phone one more time and got his voice mail. Where was he?

  Joy glanced at the picture of her and Ethan on her desk and smiled. He had to fess up soon to their parents about what was going on with him. Joy had offered to be there when he did, but Ethan seemed to think there was a right time to share something like that.

  As if there were ever going to be a “right” time to tell them he wasn’t heterosexual. Not that Joy thought her parents were going to freak, but fair was fair. It wasn’t nice of Ethan to let them think a daughter-in-law was in the future for them. Hell, Ethan would probably get a Prince Charming before Joy would.

  Okay, no more of this. Joy was going to go home and soak in a hot tub or something. Gathering her purse she slipped down the now quiet hallways of Polanski Brothers and made her way to the parking lot.

  The drive home usually brought Joy peace as she passed the local small-town scenery, but tonight she only felt disquiet and discord. Something just wasn’t sitting right and she couldn’t put her finger on it.

  As she pulled into the driveway the unease grew thick and heavy in her throat. Joy pulled her keys from the ignition and tried to shrug off her case of nerves.

  Pushing her way into her apartment, Joy spotted a note on her kitchen counter from across the room and moved with fast feet to get to it. Maybe it was from Larkin?

  Joy’s fingers snatched the note up and the cause of her worry was verified.

  The spineless motherfucker! How could they not have known?

  A frown creased her forehead as she reread the note. A note from Ethan, claiming that Liam had something to do with Alan’s death. Ethan wanted Joy to meet him at the Hole and he’d explain. Okay, so why wasn’t he answering his cell phone if he was at the Hole?

  Her stomach lurched as she used all of her vampire speed to change into jeans and a T-shirt.

  Motherfucker, motherfucker, she and Larkin should have known. How was it that Sherlock didn’t know? He was the damn detective!

  This was beginning to read like a bad mystery novel. Liam was the obvious suspect. Um, duh. When she saw Larkin that was just what she was going to say too. Duh…

  Joy’s mind raced as she gathered her keys again and headed for the door to go find Ethan. Was Liam the person responsible for the vamp bites on Alan and the others? Why the hell was he killing gay men and for what purpose? He wasn’t turning them…

  Joy shivered. Was Liam gay? Then why was he sniffing around Joy and calling her his lifemate?

  Joy reached for the door with haste and yanked hard to find you-know-who standing on the other side.

  Joy narrowed her eyes. “What do you want, Liam?”

  Liam’s thin mouth slipped into a smile that sent spider legs skittering along her arms. “You, of course, Joy.”

  Joy cocked her head to look up at Liam and licked her lips. Calm -- she must stay calm or he would know she knew. Joy wasn’t sure what exactly she knew, but it couldn’t be good. “Well, ya can’t have me today, Liam,” she said nonchalantly. “I have a date, so if you’ll move…”

  “A date with the detective, Joy?” Liam asked as he spread his arms across the doorframe, blocking Joy’s exit.

  Hookay, now she was working on a good pissed off. This freaky nut-job was not going to keep her from finding Ethan and figuring out how Liam fit into this mess. Clearing her throat, Joy said in a firm, almost not so shaky tone, “That’s none of your business. Please move, Liam. I have to go.” Joy spread her fingers over his chest and gave a shove, alas to no avail. Liam, skinny, pasty-assed pansy that he was, didn’t budge. As a matter of fact, he was like a brick wall.

  Hoo doggie, she was fucked.

  “You know, Joy. I’ve been thinking that you and I should spend some more time together. So why don’t you make this easy on me and step back into your apartment.” Liam’s voice was cool as an ocean breeze, yet tight as a coil ready to spring.

  This was bullshit. Joy Polanski was a vampire and she didn’t have to take this kind of crap. She’d just whack him one. Yeah, she was tough, even if she didn’t exhibit that very often. She’d made Larkin whimper… She’d do the same with freak boy here. Joy splayed her hand over Liam’s thin chest, covered in a purple silk shit, and latched onto his silver tie, tugging it hard and pulling his narrow face down to meet hers. “Get the fuck out of my way, Count Chocula, or I’m going to kick your pasty, white ass,” she threatened through clenched teeth. Joy even let her fangs pop out for extra threatening power.

  Somehow, Liam didn’t look too impressed. As a matter of fact, Liam’s serene façade remained as arrogant as ever. This was looking bad, Joy thought, just before Liam landed his first blow to her chest, sending her sailing backward and leaving her heaving for breath on the floor.

  “You -- fucking -- asshole!” she screamed with a rasp as she scrambled to sit up and fought for air in her lungs.

  Liam planted his toe on her breast bone and pushed her back down, towering over her, but Joy grabbed his foot and hauled him down on the floor beside her with a hard punch to the back of his knee and moved with speed to straddle his chest.

  Liam opened his eyes, staring up at her with that same cool gaze he always had as Joy planted her arms alongside of his body. “Ya wanna fuck, Liam? Get out of my apartment and don’t ever come back. You got that?” Such a bad ass, she congratulated herself mentally.

  “Oh, yes, Joy, I got that,” were the last words Joy heard before she felt the hard blow of the palm of Liam’s hand against her ear and was vaguely aware of the blur his hand was as it clapped against her head.

  A tidal wave of sound pounded in her brain and the last thing she thought was that she really needed to take Tae Bo or something so she could open up a can of whoop ass o
n Liam next round. He was a strong vampire, probably centuries old and she was no match for him -- especially seeing as she didn’t whoop much of anything up but embalming fluid.

  Her body began to wilt and she didn’t even have the energy to let her arms catch her as she fell over Liam’s body, still beneath her own.

  Joy’s eyes rolled to the back of her head and then a black void of nothing took over where the pain of Liam’s blow left off.

  Chapter Twelve

  Larkin tore into Joy’s driveway, giving his old, white clunker an affectionate pat as he flew out of the car door and took the steps to Joy’s apartment two at a time.

  Larkin had known all along Liam had something to do with the deaths of Alan and the others. He just couldn’t prove it, but now he had an eyewitness who’d seen Liam and Alan leave the Hole together the night of Alan’s death. If nothing else, it was a start.

  He’d questioned a bartender today who’d been on vacation when Larkin had first started asking around about Alan and now all he had to do was find the freak and -- and -- well, he didn’t know and what at this point. How was he going to explain a vampire to the local police? How was he going to take on a vampire?

  Hell, Joy had nearly broken his wrist in the Hole… and she was a girl vampire.

  Larkin straightened suddenly and pushed his shoulders back. He’d be fucked and feathered if he’d ever admit that again -- even in his mind.

  Speaking of girl vampires, where was his girl vampire? Joy’s apartment door was wide open and the small chair she had by the door was knocked over.

  Wait a second… his girl vampire?

  All right, Larkin admitted, he wouldn’t try to avoid what was in his gut and that was Joy.

  Joy, Joy, Joy.

  Joy the vampire.

  Larkin kinda dug Joy the vampire like no other chick he’d ever dug before.

  So where the fuck was Joy the vampire and why was her door open and why was he worrying about being in love with her when he could smell trouble with his cop nose?

  Larkin’s heart raced as adrenaline kicked in and he paused to think about when he’d last picked up any kind of signal in his head from Joy.

  She was coming here to her apartment to take a bath…

  Where the fuck are you, Joy? And what the fuck is going on? Were his mind reading skills waning? Why couldn’t he pick her up in his head?

  Larkin spied a piece of paper blowing around on the kitchen floor and scooped it up, skimming it then crumpling it in his hand with a tight fist.

  Rage, heavy and thick, coursed through his veins as Larkin fought to regain his impartiality, allowing the cop in him to take over. He had to think clearly and that note told him he’d better do it posthaste.

  Liam couldn’t have gotten far with her.

  Where he’d gotten with Joy was what worried Larkin as his feet flew back down the steps and he jumped into his car.

  If he’d harmed one hair -- one little hair on her pretty blonde head, Larkin would fucking stake him to a tree at daybreak with thumbtacks and giggle while the motherfucker fried.

  Fuck! Larkin slammed his fist against the steering wheel as he pulled out of Joy’s apartment complex and headed toward nowhere. He drove aimlessly as he tried to think. She wouldn’t be at the Hole. That’s where Ethan’s note said for Joy to meet him, but Liam wouldn’t take her there now.

  Concentrate. He needed to focus all of his energy on tracking Joy down.

  Larkin took a deep breath and pictured Joy in his mind and if she was going to hear anything right now, it may as well be the truth.

  “Look, if you can hear me, Joy, wherever you are, I love you…” Larkin said to the interior of his car. There, he’d said it. Joy might not be able to hear him, but when he found her vampire ass he was going to tell her in person.

  You’re just saying that because danger is imminent and you don’t want me to die without hearing the words, you lying puke.

  Larkin stuck his finger in his ear. She could hear him? Joy could hear him? What the fuck? I am not, he defended himself. I do love you and what did I tell you about calling names? It’s rude and you’ll hurt my human feelings. I do love you, baby.

  Oh, you do not.

  Do so.

  Not.

  So.

  N --

  -- Shut up, Joy! Now isn’t the time to fight over this shit! I need your thoughts clear. You can tell me later what the hell is happening here, like how come you can hear me now too. So muzzle that pretty yap and tell me where the fuck you are so I can ride in on my white horse and kick Liam’s pansy ass!

  You don’t have a white horse, Detective. You have a white piece of crap that needs to be cleaned -- fumigated!

  Honey?

  What?

  Shaddup.

  Okay, sorry. I’m in some house. It’s old and smelly.

  Baby?

  What?

  You can’t smell…

  I know that. Don’t rub it in, Sherlock. Liam said it smelled.

  Okay, so maybe a cabin or something, an old house? Somewhere that’s been locked up a long time?

  Yes! Liam said it was musty and damp.

  Good girl!

  I can tell you the basement is dark and it ha -- s -- Ohhhhhhhhh!

  What? What’s wrong? Talk to me, baby!

  Spideeeeeeeers! Oh, God, Larkin, get here soon or I’ll die of arachnophobia!

  Honey, you’re not afraid of dead bodies, but you’re afraid of spiders?

  Dead bodies don’t -- ohhhhhhh! Ick! Dead bodies don’t moooove -- on creee -- py leeeeegs!

  Okay, tell me more, honey.

  About the spiders? They’re disgusting and they have a bazillion legs and some are really eyeing me up from the corner here and --

  Babe! Get a grip. Breathe. I need more details about where you are. Details, honey. Where?

  If I knew that, don’t you think I’d Vulcan mind meld it to you? I was in the trunk of his car, for Christ sake -- I don’t have X-ray vision and he left that damn blindfold on me until we got in here.

  Okay, listen to me. Did you hear anything on the way there? Gravel crunching? Birds chirping? Sounds of a city? Anything?

  Oh! Yes, I heard gravel under the tires and the air was cooler here than back in Easton. Oh! Rushing water. I heard rushing water. You know, like a brook or stream?

  That’s my girl. I’d bet my eyeteeth you’re somewhere near I-36.

  Well, could you hurry up?

  Larkin didn’t want to think about the possibility that he was wrong and she wasn’t near I-36. But it made sense. It was where both Alan and Brian had been found.

  Okay, baby, now stay with me. Keep talking to me.

  Oh -- oh -- kaaayy!

  Joy, honey, relax, it’s okay. You’re a big, bad vampire -- you can kick the little spiders’ asses on any given day of the week.

  Yes. I’m a big bad vampire. Okay, breathing… Oooohhh!!

  Joy! Talk to me.

  How the hell am I supposed to talk to you when these Goddamn spiders are every-freakin’-where? I can’t think there are so many. I hate them.

  I know, babe. Focus on me. Tell me what Liam said before he threw you in the trunk. How did he do that anyway? What happened to all of that vampire, kick-ass, Bruce Lee like shit?

  Larkin could almost hear Joy sigh in his head in exasperation. He’s stronger than I am, Larkin. Older, I suppose too. I couldn’t take him. He was a hundred times more powerful than I am and he had me in no time. He really whacked me on the head… I didn’t wake up until I heard the car stop and that was when I heard the gravel crunch under the tires.

  The motherfucker hit you? I’ll fucking kill him. I swear to God, I’ll rip his Goddamn vampire head off -- fucking pasty-white freak --

  Larkin!

  What?

  Shut up, Terminator, and listen carefully to me. Liam is old and extremely powerful. He’ll kill you, Larkin, and we can’t have that. Ethan is here too…

  Ethan?

  Y
es, Ethan. Liam has him strapped to a table here in the basement and he’s not answering me, Larkin. I don’t know if he’s drugged or drained or what, but we need help and we need it now!

  Why can’t you get out of whatever he’s got you tied up with, Joy, and how can you communicate with me?

  Larkin could feel her frustration, hear the desperation in his head. I don’t know the answer to either question. I just know I can hear you loud and clear and I’m weak as a kitten here, Larkin, and Ethan is out cold. We don’t breathe per se, so I have no way of knowing if he’s -- he’s…

  Alive, Larkin thought. Okay, baby, what the hell are we going to do?

  I don’t know, Larkin. If I can’t take him, you sure as hell can’t.

  Hey, hey, he protested. He had kicked some serious ass in his time.

  Larkin! Quit being macho man. It’s the truth. You can’t take Liam and a gun isn’t going to help you, Detective.

  Okay, so what do I do about this? Break out the garlic bread?

  Listen to me. For once, don’t get all Starsky and Hutch on me, and listen…

  Okay, shoot.

  Remember all that myth debunking about vampires we were doing?

  Yeah…

  Well, baby, it ain’t all myths and legend and we need help… I know how to get it…

  * * *

  Mr. Polanski, I’m Larkin McBride. Nice to meet you. I’ve done your daughter six ways till Sunday and yeah, it was me who took her virginity. Sorry ’bout that. I’ll make it up to you. Now -- onto more important stuff. Dude, can ya help me save your daughter from that freak Liam? He’s been killing people and we think Ethan is next on his list of gay guys to whack. Did I mention Ethan is gay?

  Larkin’s stomach turned as he tried to form coherent sentences in his head to present to Joy’s father while driving at breakneck speed to get him. Joy’s father was their only possible solution at this point.

  Screeching into the parlor parking lot, Larkin slammed the car into park and shot out of it, up the wide front steps of the funeral home and down the long hall that led to Joy’s office, yelling as he went. “Mr. Polanski!”