The Smoking Nun Read online

  And she looked like she was a brand-new nun, she was so bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. I hoped whoever was in charge up there would forgive me for what I was about to do to her. But I promise, I’m doing it for the greater good.

  I couldn’t tell anyone about the picture I drew, but I needed to see how or even if it related to Sister O’s death. I know that sounds like I’m making justifications to suit my agenda, but there really wasn’t any other way unless Tansy was willing to share anything she found, or I told her I’m possessed by a demon.

  I suppose that would go over like a lead balloon. That left me with deception. I appease my conscience by calling it acting, but really, it’s just a big fat lie I’ll feel guilty about later.

  Anyway, this obviously new nun looked quite cheerful. Her cheerfulness extended to her tone of voice. “Hello! How can I help you?”

  I put on my best sad face and held out my hand, forcing tears to my eyes—which wasn’t hard when I thought about how much I’d miss Sister O and our kibitzing over our favorite shows.

  “Oh, hello,” I said quietly. “My name is Trixie Lavender, and this is Cross Higglesworth. You are?”

  She poked her head out the door and scanned the front porch before saying, “I’m Sister Linda. Can I help you?”

  Reaching for Higgs’s arm, I latched on to it as if I’d fall over were it not for his support and whispered, “I hope so, Sister Linda. I’m here on behalf of my aunt Ophelia…Sister Ophelia, that is.”

  Immediately, her face fell and she reached out a hand to me. “Oh, yes, Miss Lavender. I’m so very sorry for your loss.”

  I gulped and yanked a tissue from my purse to dab at my eyes. “Thank you. I know the police have already been here, so I thought maybe the time was right for me to drop by and take a peek at Aunt Ophelia’s things.”

  Now her fresh face went from sympathetic to hesitant as she curled her fingers around the handle of the door. “Sister Ophelia was your aunt, you said?”

  I noted she was waffling and, do or die, I had to get into Sister O’s room. So I began to cry in earnest. “She was,” I sniffled. “My dearly departed mother’s sister. I even followed in her footsteps and became a nun, but—but—I…” I stopped, trailing off as though it were too much to go on, then I buried my head in Higgs’s shoulder to depict my deep sorrow and shame, but mostly to hide my lying eyes.

  Higgs, being Higgs, patted me on the back, obviously realizing he had no choice but to play along. And boy, did he ever.

  “Sister Linda, this is a trying time for Trixie. It brings up a lot of really difficult memories for her. Memories of her expulsion from the convent. It was really an ugly time for all concerned with all sorts of words and phrases from her lawyers I still can’t quite fathom. Time served and fifty hours of community service are just a few. Anyway, she and her aunt had just reconnected not long ago after a period of deep estrangement over Trixie’s poor behavior and the shame she brought to her family. So as you can see, her aunt’s death came as quite a shock. They never had the chance to meet in person after they came to an understanding and all was forgiven.”

  With my face still buried in his chest, I pinched his hard abdomen. I was going to kill him for that whopper of a story. Rather than take Higgs out, I lifted my head and looked Sister Linda in the eye, giving her my best Bambi gaze, complete with yet more unshed tears and a trembling lower lip.

  “My beloved boyfriend is right. We’d come so far in mending fences, and now, all I want to do is feel like I’m near her. I’ll always regret not coming to visit sooner. And I find the thought of being surrounded by her things comforting. Just for a little bit. Please? Maybe I’ll finally be able to sleep tonight. Do you mind? I promise I won’t touch a thing.” Dabbing at my eyes again, I let out a long, shuddering sigh.

  But Sister Linda’s face was white as a ghost as she looked from Higgs’s face to mine. “Your boyfriend?”

  I gave her a sheepish glance and winced as I took a step past her and into the threshold of the house. “Yes. I suppose you can see why my aunt was so upset with me now, and why I was stripped of my habit. Add in his sordid past and, well… But what can I say? Love is a powerful emotion. Besides, you do know what the Lord says about forgiveness, don’t you? Forgive as the Lord forgave you. Surely that means Higgs should be forgiven for his gambling addictions and be worthy of love, doesn’t it?”

  I had to fight not to jump when Higgs pinched my waist.

  Sister Linda’s eyes were wide now when she mumbled, “Yes. That’s what Colossians 3:13 says…”

  I smiled sadly and sighed again. “Exactly. And my aunt came to see that Higgs isn’t such a bad guy after all. He atoned for his casino debt, not to mention gave up the horse races and every last one of his loan-sharking clients. He’s living a squeaky-clean life now, aren’t you, light of my world?”

  Only I noticed the narrowing of Higgs’s eyes, but he nodded his head vigorously. “Indeed I am, sugarplum. Where would I be without your holy guidance?”

  Now I grabbed on to Sister Linda’s arm and took her with me toward the long stretch of hallway until we reached the bottom of a set of stairs, which I assumed would lead to the nuns’ rooms.

  “How well did you know my aunt, Sister Linda?”

  She shrugged her shoulders but her smile was fond. “I loved Sister Ophelia, but I’m new, so I didn’t know here terribly well.”

  “Did she ever mention anyone was upset with her?” I squeaked the words out, making it sound as though the mere thought was torture. “Upset enough to kill her?”

  Sister Linda’s face fell. “Oh, no! I found her quite delightful, and as I told the police yesterday, everyone here loved her. I’d never seen anything suspect.”

  I let my chin drop to my chest for a moment before I lifted my eyes to meet hers. “That’s what the police said, too.” Letting out yet another long, woebegone sigh, I said, “So if you’ll just tell me where my aunt’s room was, I’ll sneak up there quick like a bunny and be well out of your hair in plenty of time for vespers.” I pointed up the burgundy carpeted steps and looked at her hopefully.

  “Of course. Third room on the right,” she murmured before she escaped to another room in the back of the house.

  I beat feet up the stairs to avoid the possibility she’d change her mind and headed to Sister O’s room down along a stark hallway with nothing but a picture of Jesus on the wall. Pulling on some sterile gloves, I handed a pair to Higgs before popping the door open.

  Once we were inside, I closed the door and leaned back against it, narrowing my eyes at Higgs. “The shame I brought to my family?” I hissed at him, giving him the evil eye.

  He shot me a cocky smile. “Um, at least that’s better than a gambling addiction and my job as a loan shark.”

  On tippy-toe, I jabbed a finger under his nose. “Are you taking a class in creative writing, or what? I could kill you for that whopper.”

  He chuckled. “But you won’t, because then you wouldn’t have me to help you make up outlandish stories to get you into places you shouldn’t be in the first place.”

  “Touché, Tom Clancy.”

  He grinned as he looked around Sister O’s very stark room. “It’s pretty bare in here, huh?”

  “Well, they don’t have a lot of Earthly possessions. That’s just the way of being a nun. But Sister Ophelia really didn’t have much at all, did she?”

  As I scanned the small room, with a bathroom and shower attached to it, I didn’t see a TV. So whatever Artur had seen—if he’d seen anything and he wasn’t just playing with me—it wasn’t here in Sister O’s room.

  There were very few personal items. A black and white picture on her nightstand of what I assumed was Sister O as a baby and her parents. Both attractive people, dressed in smart clothes and fancy hats outside a church, held a chubby Sister Ophelia in their arms. If the fashion said anything, it screamed sometime in the 1940s, which made it around the right time Sister O would have been born.

  Ther
e was a worn, blue and beige, hand-knitted blanket on the edge of her white cast iron bed, a pillow and some blankets. A rosary hung from a mirror over her chipped yellow oak dresser, along with a mass card of the Lord’s Prayer tucked into the mirror. A well-loved Bible sat atop the scarred surface, along with some ornamental glass bottles in dark blue and green.

  Her bathroom held nothing more than some soap, shampoo, conditioner and deodorant, and a lone bottle of hand lotion. I pulled open the drawers of her vanity to find some heat-related creams for muscle cramps, aspirin, some acid relief, towels and washcloths.

  And that was pretty much that.

  Standing up straight, I planted my hands on my hips. Sister O had always talked about watching reruns of Unsolved Mysteries and CSI, but there was no evidence of a TV or anything in her room. There wasn’t even a radio.

  Maybe she watched in a common area somewhere else in the house?

  Higgs poked his dark head around the corner of the bathroom and wrinkled his nose. “I didn’t find anything in the dresser drawers or the closet. Just some extra habits, shoes, and nun stuff. Did you find anything in here?”

  “Nope. So all that playing pretend and we still got nothing.”

  “Maybe Tansy found something.”

  I made a face at his hopeful reflection in the mirror. “If she did, it’s something she’s not telling me about, that’s for sure.” Sighing, I decided it was time to move on. I still had Sister Patricia and Carla to talk to. “I guess we’d better go, huh? I need to check in on the gang at the shop anyway, and then there’s Sister Patricia, of course.”

  “I don’t envy you that conversation.”

  I blew out a breath of air. “Me neither. But it has to be done.”

  As he opened the door, he whispered, “You don’t really think she’s capable of murder, do you? She’s kind of crabby, but murder?”

  I looked up into his handsome face. “Well, she is committing the sin of all sins, Higgs. With a parent of a student, no less. It’s certainly an infraction worthy of murder, and it’s not like Sister Patricia and Sister O were friends. There was no love lost between them to begin with. With the threat of Sister O giving her up to Father Rico in the mix? It could have been enough to push her over the edge.”

  He clucked his tongue at me and opened the door wide. “I don’t know. I’m not sure I’m buyin’ what you’re sellin’ this time. I think I need more proof mean old Sister Patricia’s capable of murder. Either way, let’s get out of here, my wayward nun.” He hitched his jaw toward the hallway.

  “Why the hurry? You have some legs you need to break, loan shark?” I asked in my best New York accent.

  We both laughed as we made our way back down the austere staircase to find Sister Linda at the bottom, her young, open face with a smile still plastered on it.

  “How are you feeling, Miss Lavender?”

  I breathed out a long, belabored sigh and let my shoulders droop. “A little better, thank you. It was wonderful to see Aunt Ophelia’s things. I know she didn’t have much, but just being where she once rested her head was a great comfort.”

  She held out her hand to me and smiled sweetly. “I’m so glad I could aid in helping you find some peace.”

  “You’re a godsend.” Then I paused thoughtfully. “You know, Sister Linda, Aunt O mentioned she watched a lot of one show or another.” I snapped my fingers and pretended to think, then shook my head as though I couldn’t come up with the title. “Gosh, I can’t remember the name of it now, but she said she watched it all the time. Yet, I didn’t see a television in her room.”

  Sister Linda nodded her head knowingly. “Ah, yes. She loved reruns of Unsolved Mysteries on Amazon Prime.”

  Wow. The church had gone kicking and screaming into the new millennium, eh? “You have Internet here?”

  She chuckled and patted my arm. “I know most people don’t think we’re hip to the times, but we have all the amenities, including VCRs.”

  I gave her a blank stare, but she flapped her hands at me and laughed again. “I’m teasing. But seriously, we have running water, cable, and even a Google Home device.”

  I chuckled at her joke and peeked over her shoulder at the living room. There was a television, for sure, but it looked nothing like the one Artur had drawn. “Oh dear. I’m sorry. Anyway, did she watch it on the TV there?” I pointed over her rounded shoulder.

  “Oh, no. She liked her peace and quiet when she came in from spending the day with the children. She watched in her room on her iPad. In fact, just before she was murd— Er, went to meet our Heavenly Father, Sister Rita told her if she didn’t get a set of earplugs, she was going to throw Sister Ophelia’s iPad out the window. Of course, she didn’t mean it, but it was quite loud. Sister Rita’s room is right next door to Sister Ophelia’s.”

  I wondered about this Sister Rita. Could she be a suspect? People had killed for far less…

  I nodded my head as though I knew Sister O was hard of hearing. “She was a little hard of hearing, so I can understand Sister Rita’s frustration. But what happened to her iPad?”

  Now Sister Linda frowned, cupping her hand over her throat. “You know, I don’t know. I don’t recall the police taking it. There wasn’t much to take to begin with. Oh, heavens. I’m sorry. I’ll make sure someone looks for it.”

  “No-no. I’m sure it’ll turn up. Don’t you worry yourself over it, but…is there any chance Sister Rita might know where it is?”

  She blinked at us. “I don’t know, but I could ask her if you’d like. If you’ll leave your number, I’d be happy to give you a call.”

  Higgs gave me that confused look over Sister Linda’s head, but I poo-pooed her and smiled wider. “Bah! No worries. I can always drop back by and ask her myself. Maybe I’ll get a chance to spend a little time with my aunt’s things again. Anyway, we really have to run. Higgs has a GA meeting to get to—”

  “And Trixie has her two hours of community service for her little,” he lowered his voice and gave Sister Linda a conspiratorial wink of his eye, “brush with the law.”

  Oh, I was going to kill him so hard when we got out of here!

  For now, I had to give him one of my cute smiles and nod in agreement. “My honeybuns is right. We really have to get going, but I hope you know your kindness has meant the world to me. Thanks again.”

  Sister Linda walked us to the door and waved us off. I’m pretty sure I heard a sigh of relief gush from her throat, but we didn’t look back.

  As we hit the sidewalk, I didn’t have time to give Higgs a piece of my mind because I got a text from Tansy. Scanning it, a cold chill ran up my spine, making my hand tighten around my phone.

  “Hey! Wayward nun, what’s going on?”

  “It’s… It’s Sister Patricia,” I managed to say.

  “Is she our next hit?”

  “No…” I murmured in confusion. “I think she’ll be too busy in interrogation. She’s been arrested for the murder of Sister Ophelia.”

  Chapter 13

  As I sat in a church pew with Father Rico and deacons Delacorte and Cameron, hoping to console them about Sister Patricia’s arrest, I still didn’t understand what had happened, and Tansy was officially unavailable to consult—which meant she was likely in the middle of questioning Sister Patricia.

  I hadn’t even heard back on the hasty text I’d sent about my mystery-man meeting or whether the school had cameras positioned by the coat closet so said mystery man could be identified. But my lost-his-faith-in-humanity mystery man was the least of my concerns at this point.

  Father Rico needed our attention most right now. I patted his hand as Higgs handed him a freshly brewed cup of tea and Deacon Cameron wrapped a sweater around his wide shoulders.

  He gave Higgs and the deacons a wan smile. “Thank you, Cross, Trixie, and you both, as well. You’re all such a blessing.”

  I felt horrible for him and wondered if this crime reminded him of his own brush with a criminal all those years ago. I decid
ed that conversation was for another time and place. Right now we had bigger fish to fry. If this was dredging up old memories for Father Rico, I hoped he knew he could talk to me.

  Turning in my seat, I looked at him. “Father Rico, what did Detective Primrose say again? On what grounds did they arrest Sister Patricia?”

  He sighed, cupping the mug of tea Higgs had brought him. “Detective Primrose said she was arresting her on suspicion of murder. That was all she said. Then she read her those Mira rights, cuffed her and put her in a car to take her to the station.”

  His misery was clear as a bell. His lined face screamed tortured. “Oh, Father Rico. I’m so sorry.”

  “It was awful, Trixie. Sister Patricia was beside herself. She sobbed the entire way out of the church. Watching her taken away like that… I don’t think I can believe she’s capable of murder. I just can’t,” he moaned.

  I wasn’t going to be the one to tell him Sister Patricia probably wouldn’t be coming back to the church whether she was innocent or not. Not once he found out about her breaking her vows.

  “I’m so sorry, Father Rico,” I murmured with a clenching heart.

  He shook his rapidly graying head. “I shouldn’t have brushed Sister Ophelia off that night in favor of my duties as host. Surely, whatever she wanted to tell me had to do with her death. My entire church is crumbling right before my very eyes, and I can’t seem to do a thing about it!”

  “Now, that’s not true, Father,” Deacon Delacorte soothed, his beautiful face forcing a smile I know he didn’t truly feel. “We’ll figure this out. We’ll pool together our resources and find a good lawyer for Sister Patricia. Surely we can appeal to the diocese or someone in the chain of command.”

  Deacon Cameron cleared his throat and patted Father Rico on the back. “Davis is right, Father. We’ll put our heads together and figure this out. Don’t worry about that for now. Just catch your breath.”

  Sighing, I patted his beefy hand once more. “It’s been a rough couple of days for Our Lady, for sure. I’m sorry this has fallen on your shoulders.”