Witch Is The New Black (Paris, Texas Romance Book 3) Read online

  She gave him a shove with a roll of her eyes. “No! You know what I mean. Or maybe you don’t.” She let out an exasperated sigh. “I was inside your body. Or I possessed your body—or—or…” How did she explain this without sounding like she was crazy?

  Winnie dropped down on the bench of the picnic table across from her, the surprise on her face startling Bernie. “What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

  Winnie’s grin was triumphant when she shook her head. “No, you did something very right, Bernie!”

  “How are my delusions figuring into this?”

  Winnie bounced in her seat. “I just figured out how you robbed a bank without knowing how you did it, and that means we can go to Baba Yaga and the Council and have your parole abolished!”

  Now Bernie’s head really spun. “What?”

  Ridge dropped the cloth, his eyes pinned on Winnie.

  Winnie gripped Bernie’s shaking hand. “You, my unwitting witch, are a shifter.”

  Huh? Wasn’t that what they called Calla?

  Fuck, she didn’t want to insult Calla, but there was only so much magic and mythology one person could handle.

  It was enough that she could make things disappear and cast spells, quite another if she was going to need to shave every eight hours and crave small bunnies for lunch.

  “You mean like Calla shifts into a werewolf?”

  “No, I mean like a witch who shifts into anything—a person, an inanimate object, whatever. When a shifter first comes into his or her own, it usually happens under highly charged emotional circumstances, and that explains how you ended up in that bank that day, Bernie.”

  Her mouth fell open. “I can’t process this. It’s too much…”

  Calla squeezed her shoulders when Winnie said, “Then let me process it for you. I’m betting you and Eddie had an argument of some kind just before he went into the bank, am I right?”

  “Who’d argue with somebody as pretty as Green Eyes?” Gus asked, clamping his hand on Bernie’s arm with affection.

  But Bernie nodded with slow recognition. “Yes! Eddie and I argued about—Never mind, we just had a huge argument in the parking lot of the bank. I was so angry and hurt I almost couldn’t see straight.”

  “I bet! And then he went into the bank, waved a gun around, got the bank manager to open the vault, and in you walk, but no one sees that because the cameras are disabled and he’d knocked everyone unconscious. Now, if you were in a fugue state, which is what I’m guessing happens when you shift because you don’t appear to remember it, you would have followed him into the bank and run right into him in the vault, looking exactly like him. This is the part where I’d bet dollars to donuts you freaked Eddie out completely. In a panic, he knocks the bank manager out, or maybe she just passes out, and you end up in the vault with all the money!”

  “Holy…” Ridge muttered as all eyes landed on him. “That’s why you were passed out in the pantry, Bernie! You’d shifted into Violet earlier in the evening. It explains why Violet behaved the way she did.”

  Bernie’s eyes flew to Ridge’s face. “Violet behaved the way she did…?”

  He held up a hand. “It’s a long story, and I’ll explain later. Suffice to say, you shifted into Violet but behaved much more like Bernie. You didn’t once question why I was calling you Violet. But you sure had all your rules in place for, as you call it, an appropriate ex-con boss relationship.”

  Bernie’s mouth fell open as Calla’s eyes widened. “So she’s shifting into people but retaining her morals and personality traits and doesn’t remember any of it?”

  Winnie bounced in her seat. “I think so! So if that’s true, you fell asleep in the bank, woke up as Bernie, and somehow, in the melee of the police arriving, that son of a bitch got out of the bank unnoticed.”

  Ridge tapped his finger on the picnic table, his eyes intense. “Something’s been bugging me since you told me all of this, Bernie. I was going to ask you about it tonight while we studied. Do you think you could draw the tattoo on Eddie’s arm from memory?”

  She’d only seen it a hundred times. “I think I can.”

  Flora dug in her purse for a piece of paper and a pen, handing it to Bernie, who drew the symbol, making the group go silent—deathly so.

  The seniors’ silence scared Bernie far more than anything else. They were never silent. “What? Is it bad?”

  “That’s an ankh, Bernie,” Ridge said with a tone so grave, her heart sped back up.

  “And that means?”

  Winnie squeezed her hand again. “Some witches use the ankh to symbolize eternal life.”

  Bernie gasped, taking in a mouthful of hot air. “Wait, that means that Eddie’s…”

  Ridge’s mouth tightened into a thin line. “It means that Eddie’s likely a warlock.”

  That motherfluffin’ son of a bitch.

  Chapter 11

  “Well, Bernie girl, I think we’re coming into the home stretch.” Fee sat on her bed atop one of the yellow and blue pillows. “Now that we have some answers, we can move forward.”

  Fluffing her hair, she set the brush down and applied some clear lip gloss she’d picked up at the pharmacy in town, preparing for her third study date with Ridge this week since she’d found out she was a shifter.

  “We don’t have all the answers yet, Fee.” But they’d been looking for them for almost a week, since she’d shifted into Ridge.

  “We have more than we had coming into this.”

  “That’s true. Now we need to find out how I’m a witch shifter, or whatever, and if my parents were witches, why they were just pretending to be humans.”

  “Yeah. That’s still a big puzzle, but we have more pieces to this crazy jigsaw of your life than we ever did before.”

  “And then there’s Eddie…” She still couldn’t believe Eddie was a warlock. But what else could explain how easily he’d accepted her propensity for so many accidents?

  Fee grunted. “The swine of all time swine? The warlock in wolf’s clothing? The traitorous dink of bottom feeders? If I ever run into that slimy bastard, I’ll give him hemorrhoids the size of asteroids with a side order of the clap. It’ll be like a damn standing ovation in his ball sac.”

  The dread in the pit of her stomach grew. She’d thought about Eddie all week long, and the longer she thought, the more dots she connected.

  “I think he knew about me, Fee,” she said quietly. “I don’t know how he knew I was a witch, but I’d bet he did. I think I was so desperate to find just one person who wouldn’t write me off as bad luck that I fell right into his trap. This makes me Miss Pathetic 2015.”

  “Noooo, B-Bop, this makes you just a girl who was adrift, far out at sea. A nice, sweet, lonely girl who grabbed onto a life raft that sank like the Titanic. But you’re not that girl anymore. You’re stronger and smarter, and you’ve found us. No clap-riddled motherfucker is gonna take you away from us now.”

  More tears stung her eyes at Fee’s words. But she couldn’t dwell on how stupid she felt or she’d never move past it. She’d had enough hiding for three lifetimes.

  Being here in Paris, having these people trust her enough to help her, was something she’d always be grateful for.

  “Do you think he knew before we began dating?”

  “I’d bet my tutu on it.”

  “But why? Why would he date me and not tell me I was a witch?”

  “I think you have a power so rare, so unique, he thought maybe he could extort you somehow. Use your powers for whatever his end game was—like hitting Fort Knox or something. I don’t know, Bernie. And we don’t even know the full extent of your powers yet. But he was up to no damn good, the asshole. Doesn’t matter anymore. You’re here, safe with us.”

  Was she safe? What about Doris—whom she hadn’t seen since that night at bingo?

  “Yeah, about the extent-of-my-power thing. As if I didn’t have enough on my plate just being a witch, now I can shift into other people. I’m having a h
ard time digesting all this.”

  “You scared the hell outta me out there at the farm that day. You’re not just a shifter, but a damn good one. You looked exactly like Ridge—sounded like ’em, too.”

  “Don’t all shifters look exactly like their marks? Isn’t that the point?”

  “I’ve only met a couple in my considerable lifetime, and none of ’em were as good at it as you are. Your cologne was even the same as Mr. Ass-Like-Granite. Some shifters don’t get all the facets right, you know? They screw up an eye color or some defining feature in their haste to assume an identity. So it’s easy to catch ’em in the act.”

  This had explained so much. Why she’d woken up in the pantry when she’d fallen asleep in the garden. Why Eddie had been able to attempt a bank robbery and she was left the last man standing, holding the loot. She’d shifted into Eddie.

  “So my next question is, if it’s like Winnie says, and your shifts are tied to extreme emotions, exactly what were you and the delicious Ridge doing in the barn? Hmmm?”

  She was still putting together the loose ends. It made sense that Violet had upset her enough that she’d shift into her. It even made sense that because she and Eddie had a fight before he went into the bank that she’d shift into his form.

  But Ridge? That made no sense.

  “Stop giving me that look, Fee.”

  “I’m a cat. I have two looks. Bored and haughty disdain.”

  “No, I know you. You’re looking at me like I was doing something nefarious in the barn, and that’s absolutely not true.”

  “Then what were you doing? Because this is the second time you’ve walked out of that barn and your magic’s kicked in.”

  Why had a kiss set her off? “We were making plans to study. That’s it.”

  “Oh the hell, Bernie. There’s more, and if you don’t wanna tell me, that’s just fine by me. But be warned, every detail counts now. We need to know the big picture.”

  Running her hands over her new shirt, a cute sleeveless top in teal, she sighed. “Okay, fine. We kissed. I don’t know why that matters, but obviously it set me off. I have to learn how to control this so I stop impersonating innocent people. Though, I won’t lie, I wouldn’t mind shifting into Blake Lively for a day or so.”

  “Because?”

  “Two words. Ryan Reynolds. Duh.”

  Fee snickered. “Duh.”

  “Either way, it’s kind of just one more thing I have to learn, you know? I’m so overwhelmed with spells and types of spells and the witch lingo that I’m all witched out.”

  He flopped on his back and stretched. “You’ll be okay, Bernie. I know it. Ridge will get you through this. It’s just one more thing to add to your already awesome roster. But you’re gonna be a superstar in no time flat.”

  “Can I ask you a question?”

  “Angelina Jolie.”

  “What?”

  “Brad Pitt. Duh.”

  Bernie laughed, spritzing herself with the cheap body spray from the drugstore. “Would you like to stay here in Paris?”

  “Oh, Bernie girl, I can hardly contain my excitement! Are you considering staying here with all the cowboys and cow pies? Like right here surrounded by Field of Dreams country?”

  Hope blossomed in her chest, making her almost afraid to say it out loud. “I’m ashamed to admit this, but when Calla thought I was Ridge, she mentioned offering me a job at the center as event coordinator. First, it should be noted that when I’ve done this shifting before, I never remembered it. So remembering my conversation with Calla is an enormous step forward. Second, I like it here, Fee. I love the seniors and Winnie and Calla, and I really love the horses. Especially Orchid.”

  “And you’ve taken me into consideration when making big life decisions?”

  She crossed the room and sat on the bed, pulling her sassy familiar into her lap and scratching his chin. “Of course I have, Fee. You’re my right hand. My Robin. My macaroni. My jelly.”

  “First, I’m the cheese, honey. Always. Second, well, hush my puppies, we have a home—at last.”

  Excitement built in her stomach, a flutter of hope she might have found somewhere to grow some roots. “I think we just might.”

  “Bet the old Ridgester will be happy to hear that.”

  Her excitement waffled momentarily. “If what Calla said is true, then he’s only here to fix up the farm. He wants to go back to Dallas.”

  “Then you’d better buff up your charms, B-Bop, because we need a nice man to complete our family picture.”

  “I’m not buffing up anything, and I don’t need a man to feel complete. I had one for all of twenty seconds and look what happened. I robbed a bank. Besides, there’s nothing going on between me and Ridge.” Even if she wanted there to be something going on. A lot.

  “That shift into his form means something, Bernie. It’s bigger than you think. If shifts are emotionally charged, your green light is on, Plum Puddin’.”

  She set him on the bed and grabbed her purse from the nightstand with a scoff. “I have to go or I’m going to be late.”

  “You can run, but you can’t hide. Bernie likes The Ridge-a-nator!”

  “See you later, Fee!” she called out as she popped open her bedroom door and headed down the stairs.

  Stopping at the entryway, she decided to poke her head in on Winnie and her daughter Lola. Their heads bent together as they looked at a gardening magazine made Bernie smile. Ben was tinkering with something and chatting with his son in the kitchen while soft classical music played and Benny Junior sat in his high chair, eating Cheerios, his pudgy hands driving them into his mouth.

  An enormous glass vase with blue and white hydrangeas drooping down the sides held some of the latest bounty from the garden, and Winnie’s familiar, a Cabbage Patch doll named Icabod, sat propped up against it on the table in front of them, three bows crookedly tied in his tufts of hair.

  “’Lo, Bernie. Lookin’ sharp tonight,” Icabod said.

  She was still trying to keep it together where this doll was concerned. Sure, she had a cat that talked, but a doll? Still, Icabod was always friendly, and she was, after all, learning to overcome her fears. What was one more creepy doll fear?

  Bernie grinned in his general direction, wondering how he could see her, but opting not to ask. Some magical things were just better left alone. “Thanks, Icabod.”

  Lola grinned up at her. “You look pretty, Miss Bernie. I like that shirt a lot better than the one with all the poofy birds on it. Do you want me to put a ribbon in your hair to match it?”

  “Give that serious thought, Bernie,” Icabod crowed.

  “Thank you, Lola,” she said on a laugh, ruffling her hair. “And as much as I wish I could, because I love bows almost as much as Fee, I’ll be late meeting my study partner. Can I get a rain check?”

  Lola bobbed her head. “Uh-huh. We’re looking at hy-drain-gee-ass. See?” She pointed to the picture of a fluffy blue bush of flowers. “Aren’t they pretty?”

  “Hydrangeas,” Winnie corrected with a chuckle and a roll of her eyes.

  “Very pretty, Lola. I see somebody lost a tooth, huh?”

  Lola nodded, hopping up on the chair. Using her index fingers, she stretched her mouth open so Bernie could see inside, her excitement visible in her big dark eyes. “Uh-huh. I lost it at school today. I’m almost a dult now.”

  Winnie clucked her tongue, her eyes amused. “An adult, and why don’t you tell Miss Bernie just how you lost that tooth, Lola-Falola.”

  Lola’s slight shoulders slumped in her pink pajamas. “I was hanging upside down in the tree at school and I fell.”

  “And why were you hanging upside down in the tree at school, devilish one?” Winnie asked.

  “’Cus stupid Alan Finster dared me to,” she mumbled, avoiding Winnie’s eyes.

  Winnie sighed and shook her head. “Now, you mind your manners. Alan can dare all he wants. It’s you who has to use all of your willpower and not accept the dare. Yo
u know you’re not supposed to be up in the tree at school, young lady.”

  Bernie fought a chuckle and instead peered into Lola’s mouth and made a very serious face. “Wow. How does it feel to be so grown up in just one day?”

  She shrugged her shoulders and made a pouty face. “Not as good as I thought. I got time out and Miss Marjorie told Mommy. But I got my fingers crossed the tooth fairy will still come.”

  “Not on my watch,” Winnie muttered, dropping a kiss to the top of Lola’s head before rising and pointing toward the front door and following Bernie out of the kitchen. “Between you and me, he’s a filthy animal. Total misogynistic jackhole.”

  Bernie cocked her head, fighting her typical disbelief when she heard stories of this ilk. “He’s real?”

  “Very. Ran into him in a bar in Istanbul once. Wanted to take his collection of teeth and shove them down his throat.”

  Bernie laughed with a wince. “This world takes some getting used to.”

  “Indeed it does, and speaking of worlds, Baba seems to have fallen off the edge of it. But I’ve got a call in to her about this Eddie, Now, I need her approval before I give you the go ahead, but once she hears what really happened that day, I know she’s going to make you a free woman. Also, I’ve asked around about this Doris, and no one’s seen her since that night at bingo.”

  “So she wasn’t a figment of my imagination. That’s a small measure of relief.”

  “Nope. She exists. Ridge saw her, and so did Flora, and Calla’s grandfather Ezra. Now I want to know what she wants with you. If you don’t mind, I’ve asked Daphne to maybe poke at her husband Fate and see what we can see. He’s not supposed to reveal future instances, but I can’t see why he would mind looking into past occurrences. There has to be a clue somewhere along the way that explains this, Bernie. I damn well intend to find out what that is.”

  Bernie swallowed hard, unable to express her gratitude for Winnie in words. She gripped Winnie’s arm, but nothing came out.

  Winnie pulled her into a quick hug scented with lemon and roses before letting her go. “You don’t have to say a word, Just Bernie. But promise me you’ll be very careful when someone’s not with you, okay? I know you’re beginning to get the hang of your powers, but there’s still so much more we need to get through, understand? Your powers are so oddly complex that none of us can pinpoint their origins.”