Accidentally Dead Read online

  “You made me miss the ending of Beaches,” she said, keeping her eyes at her feet.

  “My deepest apologies.”

  Slipping her hand from his, feeling an instant sting of longing, she said, “I have to go.”

  “Plans?”

  She placed her hands on her thighs and snorted. “Yeah. I have so many of those. No, it’s just late, and I’m sure you have better things to do than babysit me. I fed. Promise. I’ll keep feeding until I can figure this out, too. So you don’t have to keep checking on me.”

  “I’ll walk you home.”

  She rose, zipping out of the seat and along the aisle. “You don’t have to.”

  His hand found the small of her back, making her nipples respond by becoming sharp, tight beads. “But I want to,” slithered from his lips. He held the door of the theater exit open for her, allowing her to pass through first.

  Nina decided to let him walk her home. She found herself reluctant to leave his company, and that was dangerous and stupid and well, dangerous and stupid. But she didn’t stop him when he casually slung an arm over her shoulder.

  Their footfalls were soft along the pavement, in sync with one another as she followed the path back to her apartment. His arm brushed her shoulder, distracting her from absorbing what he’d said in the theater about clans and rules.

  Greg’s claim that he had a no-turn policy didn’t ring false, if these new emotion-o-meters she had were accurate, and his clear denial that he hadn’t wanted to be a vampire in the first place didn’t feel like a lie either.

  But that still didn’t explain why he seemed so uncomfortable when she talked about finding Lisanne. If the motive wasn’t to keep her a vampire, what was it?

  She couldn’t think when he was this close. When they came to the intersection, she decided she needed a moment. “I’m going to take a detour, so I’ll drop you here.”

  “What’s here?”

  Nina shrugged her shoulders. “Nothing really. I just need some space.”

  He stopped, turning her to face him. “You okay?” Greg’s eyes sparkled, but it wasn’t the arrogant glint she’d become accustomed to. There was concern there.

  Her gaze was solemn. For the first time since they’d accidentally met, she wasn’t into snarking him because he’d done this, and she had nothing left in her to banter in their typically loud fashion. “I’m all right. I just need some time, okay?”

  His hand, cool and large, cupped her cheek for only a moment. “Yeah, I understand needing time. Be well, fledgling,” he said, low and husky, placing a kiss on her forehead before spinning on his heel and heading off in a blur in the other direction.

  Nina shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans and crossed the street, making a sharp left and stopping in front of the cemetery her mother and father were buried in. The rows of headstones stood out like eerie white soldiers, threading in straight lines as far as the eye could see.

  Thankfully, because Lou hadn’t been able to afford much, her parent’s headstones were located in a secluded, not-so-desirable corner, far away from the other gravesites that potentially might bear crucifixes. Another thing to be thankful for…as religious as Lou was, she hadn’t been able to afford fancy headstones with crosses on them either. Just being a few hundred feet away from some of the other graves and on hallowed ground made Nina’s skin tingle, but for now it was bearable.

  Her parents were buried side by side. Joe’d wanted it that way. Lou was right when she’d said he wasn’t the same after her mother had died. It was as if he’d been biding his time, never aiding his death, but never quite fully participating in his life or Nina’s, either.

  Nina sat down on her haunches and ran a finger over the words of In Loving Memory on her mother’s headstone. Her eyes grew grainy like they had in the movie.

  Shit.

  “So, I’m a vampire,” she said into the black velvet of the night. “I was bitten the first day at my new job. Just my luck, right? I was suctioning this guy with a chipped tooth. He asked for anesthesia, because he said vampire’s teeth are sensitive. Um, I mean, he didn’t say that at the office. He told us afterward. But he reacted pretty badly to it. He got all loopy and disoriented. And bam, he clamped down on my hand.

  “But I guess you probably already know that if what they say is true and you can still see me and all. Can you see me, Mom? Dad?” she asked, her voice hitching, wobbling in sadness. Anything was possible. If vampires and werewolves existed then it wasn’t so far out of the realm of possibility that her parents could see her—maybe even hear her, was it?

  Plopping down in front of her mother’s and father’s graves, Nina crossed her legs Indian style. The ground beneath her was frozen, but she couldn’t feel anything other than a vague awareness of it. If she focused, the burning sensation that flooded her skin really could be managed. Huh. Greg was right.

  The leaves crunched beneath her as she settled in, crisp and brown now from the winter winds. She toyed with the laces on her sneakers, wrapping them around her trembling fingers.

  She came here once a month to show her respect. She might not have had a relationship with her mother in life, but whether Janine liked it or not, they had a one-sided one now in her death. Whenever she was stressed or afraid, she came here to talk to her parents.

  “It was an accident, you know—his biting me. Or so the guy who did it says it was. His name is Greg. Statleon. Exotic, huh? It’s Romanian. Well, I don’t know if that’s where it originated, but he comes from Romania. Anyway, I behaved really badly when I found out what was wrong with me. If you can see me down here, then you already know I really got all up in his face…at first…because I didn’t believe a word he said. I thought he was like all the vampires I’d read about on the Internet and that he wanted to keep me a vampire to ensure his kind would live forever. Creepy, right? But I hafta tell ya, now I’m starting to wonder if he’s telling the truth.”

  Nina groaned at her admission, covering her mouth with her hand, as if that would stop the words from becoming real. She was liking the side of the vampire she saw at the movie theater, and that was no good. She didn’t want to be like him. She most definitely didn’t want to like him.

  “I wonder what you’d think about all this, Mom. It’s pretty crazy—like off the rocker crazy.”

  Maybe there was truth in what Lou said about her visiting their graves. Nina could talk to them without fear of disapproval or retribution. Lou might be right this time. But there was no way she could tell Lou what was going on, and her friends, while with good intention, were just frustrating to her because they were always offering solutions. She didn’t so much want a solution from them, only an ear she could gripe loudly into.

  “So, do the two of you have any thoughts on this? I mean, I’m now part of the living dead. Maybe some tips, pointers on where to go from here? I know you guys are dead-dead, but I thought you might have some useful input, seeing as you get the dead part—no offense intended.”

  The wind whistled, stirring the oak tree in the center of the graveyard, the hustle of cars and people just muted enough that when they’d chosen this spot for her mother, Joe’d said Janine wouldn’t hear the call of the streets anymore, a call that was like a siren’s song—she’d be deaf to the chaos that beckoned her, chaos Janine just couldn’t seem to stay away from.

  Nina hoped that was true for Joe, too. He deserved some peace after the life he’d led with her mother. She tried not to hold grudges and that was when she’d decided to come see them—to talk—sometimes rant—sometimes just sit and listen to the silence. Have someone to bounce ideas off of and know, no matter what she said or did, she was loved.

  Very June and Ward Cleaver had been her first scathing thought. But not having those very things in life left an impact. Marty and Wanda thought nothing affected her, but that wasn’t true. She just didn’t say much about it.

  No, you act out about it much, though, her conscience reminded her.

  Guilty. She
didn’t know how to interact with people who cared for her, because, while her father had cared, he’d cared more about her mother. Or maybe Janine had just consumed so much of his energy he’d had nothing left for Nina. She’d learned to keep her trifle shit to herself, because Joe had so much on his plate. She’d walked on plenty of eggshells as a kid, and she’d learned to do so with stealthy feet. When she stopped doing that, she became empowered. Maybe way over-empowered.

  Cultivating friendships with anyone was always difficult because she had a hard time doing that sharing thing Marty so encouraged, and, well, if she was honest, her mouth got her into trouble. She was a smart-ass, and she always had to prove by way of that mouth, that she didn’t need anyone.

  Why that was so important had lost its meaning these days, especially since she’d acquired Marty and Wanda as friends.

  It used to make her uncomfortable that Marty and Wanda wouldn’t quit coming around, but when they wouldn’t quit showing up, she came to find a peace in that, learned to enjoy their humongous differences. She’d learned, period. Not just about color wheels and how to be a friggin’ girl, but what it was like to have someone if you needed them—anytime—anywhere. She’d learned the joy of Thursday night bingo with a bunch of senior citizens from Wanda, who volunteered at the nursing home, and hanging out at Hogan’s on Sunday for brunch—how to put stupid eyeliner on properly, and whether she liked it or not, she’d learned what it was to bond with people of the same sex.

  Girlfriends hadn’t been her thing growing up, because girls had mothers who wanted to know where your mother was, and if you told them she was dead, they felt sorry for you, wanted to “help” you. Nina didn’t want that kind of pity. The eyes of many mothers on mother/daughter day at school had looked upon her with sympathy brimming in them, leaving her embarrassed and ashamed. No one knew about her mother’s drug problem, but she knew, and it was like wearing a big ole sign on your chest.

  Jesus. She stopped short.

  She was wallowing.

  God, she hated a good wallow. It was pathetic. Nina shut off the introspective side of her brain. She’d never been one to overanalyze things, but tonight she was like an episode of Oprah. She returned her attention to the headstones. “So nothing? No advice?” she asked wryly. “That’s okay. I don’t know what I’d say to someone who told me they were a vampire either. I don’t blame you for being speechless. I was, too. Not for long, mind you, but I was.

  “I’m having some trouble adjusting, I think. At first the blood-drinking thing grossed me out, who wouldn’t be grossed out about it? But I got over that when I got a fuc…er, really bad headache and had no choice but to drink it. I admit, and only to you guys, it’s pretty good. It isn’t like chicken wings or anything, but it’s good, and it beats turning to dust. Yeah, there’s another problem for me. If I don’t nourish my immortality, I’ll turn to dust—so I don’t have a choice but to feed. That’s what they call it—feeding.

  “So here I am. Bet you didn’t think you’d get this kind of update from me, did you? I thought by now I’d have horror stories about my new job. You know, crappy kids with rotted teeth from too many Gummi Bears. Patients with gum disease…In the scheme of things, this must sound way more adventurous than my dental hygienist gig I suppose, but…” She trailed off, biting her lip and fighting that damned tightening of her throat again.

  “I-I-think I’m scared.” Jesus effin’, it felt so good to say that out loud. Relief flooded her from head to toe.

  “I had enough trouble being a human—I don’t want to be a vampire. I’ve been saying that a lot lately. In fact, I might have a T-shirt made up that says so, too. So Wanda’s been helping me research this undead stuff, and I found something the other day in a book about vampires. It said I might be able to be human again, and I’ve been clinging to that ever since. Greg says it’s all phooey, and even though I want to believe he’s a liar, I don’t think I do. But he won’t tell me where to find the person who created him. Which is fishy, huh? But then he says he doesn’t know where she is, so he couldn’t tell me even if he wanted to. I waffled over whether I should believe him. I was still waffling tonight when he came and found me at the movie theater. Now I’m not so sure…

  “But I met a guy in a bar tonight. No, it’s not what you think, not that kind of meet a guy. He came and found me. He told me he knew things about the Statleon clan. That’s what a bunch of vampires in one room is called, I guess. A clan. Like I said, he says he knows them. How could he know I want to find this Lisanne, unless he really does know her?

  “It was weird, and he freaked me out, but he says he knows where this person who created Greg is. I don’t know who to trust anymore—who to believe. The worst part about this whole thing is, this guy Greg is cute. I mean, really cute, and I think I’m attracted to him. Jesus, I can’t believe I just said that,” she moaned, running a hand over her face and up into her hair. “Forget I said that. I’m going to try to forget I said that. In all of this mess it seems so crazy to be drawn to the guy who did this to me, doesn’t it? Even if it was supposedly an accident.

  “Anywhoo, I wish I had better news this month, but I’m sorta in a pickle right now. So would you guys do me a favor?” Her eyes lifted upward where dark clouds gathered, the deep purple and ebony of the sky littered with them. “Just help me to figure this out. Or I dunno, send me a sign. If there are really vampires and werewolves, I told you about Marty, right, that she’s a werewolf? Whatever, if those kinds of things exist, maybe angels do, too, and I could use being touched by one ’bout now.”

  Nina rose, sadness filling the empty cavity where her heart once beat. Brushing her jeans off, she placed a hand on the headstone and whispered, “I’m sorry I dumped all this on you. I’m really, really trying to figure this out. So you guys take care, okay? And don’t worry about me, if you do worry, that is. I’ll be okay.”

  Her footfalls crunched their way back around the corner and out of the cemetery, and she tried to leave not just her troubles but also her fear of what was to come behind her.

  CHAPTER

  10

  Greg waited in the silence of Nina’s apartment. Tonight, in her vulnerability, he’d felt a connection to her. One he hadn’t felt with another female in a very long time. When her hand curved in his, allowing his comfort, he’d felt a shift from within he couldn’t deny.

  He didn’t want this.

  Not now.

  Now wasn’t the time to play around.

  She’d been right about one thing: He couldn’t stay away from her. It had almost nothing to do with making sure she fed either, but it had everything to do with the reaction his body had to hers when she opened that big mouth of hers to yell at him. Or even when she flipped him the bird.

  An ironic smile lifted his lips. How completely fucked up that this woman, this cranky, opinionated, outspoken, rude, foul-mouthed woman, could have him turning to his hand in the shower for relief. When she spewed fire, he wanted to kiss her luscious lips. When she stormed from a room, he wanted to rear up behind her and do some downright wicked things.

  He didn’t want this.

  He shouldn’t want this.

  Yet here he was.

  Wanting this.

  She’d rag on him when she found out he’d broken into her apartment again. That made him smile, too. Maybe his mother was right. Maybe he did like someone who could give as good as he gave.

  He had no business liking anything about Nina right now.

  None.

  But she liked him, too. He could smell it on her, feel it coming off her in wave after wave.

  So why shouldn’t two people who were mutually attracted to one another spend some quality bedroom time together?

  Because now wasn’t the time.

  When he’d left Nina to go off to wherever she was going, his keen emotional senses had picked up a million different vibes, one of which was confusion and the need to find some kind of solace. He just couldn’t let that go, and if she was
going to keep him up another day, it might as well be with the comfort that he’d checked on her one last time.

  Liar. You want to ogle her ass.

  Well, there was that, too.

  Mostly he just needed to know she wasn’t going to go off the deep end. Some newly turned, rare though they were, suffered from the vampire version of post-traumatic stress disorder. Nina hadn’t taken to her turning well, but she hadn’t exhibited any signs of giving up until tonight. Tonight she’d been calmer, less agitated, more willing to talk reasonably versus sling insults—he grimaced. That alone should scare the hell out of him. That Nina was willing to converse with nary a single fucktard spewed in a sentence should instill fear in the hearts of many.

  It had his radar on an all-points bulletin.

  And the guilt that he’d done this to her weighed heavily on his shoulders. He was as shocked as she was. He’d never turned anyone in all his centuries. He spoke the truth about his no-turn policy. That was a personal rule he never broke, and wouldn’t allow anyone in the clan to break either. He took it very seriously. He expected the same of his clan members.

  However, his clan found it highly amusing that he’d fucked so royally up, according to his friend Clayton’s email anyway. It might be funny, if it weren’t so tragic, and if it had been anyone other than Nina.

  He wouldn’t wish this life of eternity on anyone, especially not someone he was thoroughly enjoying sparring with, someone he was coming to care…Greg halted his thoughts, firmly clamping down on anything warm and fuzzy.

  Nina’s entry thwarted the good talking-to he’d planned to give himself for going where he’d just been about to go.