Accidentally Dead Read online

  “Eating a Ring Ding in the hedge maze. You know, like the last meal thing.” He had the nerve to give her a cocky grin.

  “So, here we are.” Nina spread her arms wide. “It’s ten minutes to twelve on a Saturday night, and this vampire I know has nothing to do. I’m all dressed up with nowhere to go. I mean, look at me, would you? I hear I look really, really good. ’Course, I wouldn’t know, because there’s this guy, kinda cute, a little arrogant, and way pushy who turned me into a vampire, and I can’t see my reflection very well anymore. Sucks, huh? You know…this vampire? He’s very, very stubborn, and he has this problem. If he doesn’t mate with someone by the stroke of midnight on his birthday, he’s fried. Like done for, because vampires are crazy and they have stupid rules. Anyway, this guy, he’s such a stupidhead, he can’t see a good thing when it’s standing right in front of him.” She curtsied, nearly tripping on her heels.

  “He’s so stupid, in fact, he’d rather let this good thing spend an eternity maybe boinking a bunch of other vampires instead of him. Dumb you say, yes? Don’t answer that. I know the answer. He’s an idiot and so this good thing’s giving this arrogant, pushy, sorta cute vampire one—last—chance before she throws him to the ground and gnaws on his neck whether he likes it or not—”

  Greg grabbed her around the waist and pulled her to him. “It’s eternity, Nina. For—ev—er. Not just ten years or until you tire of me. This is a lifelong commitment. Permanent. No going back—”

  She pressed a finger to his lips. “Or the shunning. I know. I get it, okay? We can’t ever break up. But did you really think I’d let you turn to dust? Not a chance. How the flip do you expect me to do this vampire thing if you’re not here? I think it’s your obligation, seeing as you got me into this mess to begin with, to stick around. Who’ll teach me how to fly? Who’ll help me build my own Castlevania with my mind? Who’ll remind me what an utter bitch I can be? Who’ll…” she stuttered, her throat doing that odd tightening thing again. “Who’ll watch Beaches with me?”

  His lips found hers, kissing her so soundly, so completely, her knees buckled. She pulled away, her nose detecting a very familiar scent. “For fuck’s sake, you did have a Ring Ding!”

  He gave his shoulders a sheepish shrug. “Actually, it was a Ring Ding and a Chocobliss. I told you, last meal and all.” Greg planted his mouth back on hers.

  They might have stayed that way but for the shrill yelp coming from below.

  “Ninnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaaa! Get down here now!”

  Ahhh, judging from the tone of Wanda’s voice, Lisanne had arrived.

  Game on.

  CHAPTER

  18

  Greg flew down the stairs, dragging a tripping, stumbling high-heeled Nina behind him. When they hit the foyer floor, Nina saw the shit had hit it, too.

  Marty lay unmoving on the floor, Svetlanna was in a heap beside her, and Wanda was beneath Lisanne, trying to scream for all she was worth. Lisanne’s long fingers rested at her throat.

  Nina’s incisors immediately lengthened, poking out from her gums with fury. “Gird your loins, Lisanne! If you don’t get off of her, I’ll fucking wipe the floors of this castle with your ass!”

  Wanda clawed at Lisanne’s hands, her eyes bulging as she gasped out the words. “Midnight—hurryyyy!”

  Nina’s frantic glance caught the grandfather clock in the corner of the foyer. Two minutes. She had two minutes to keep Wanda from the same fate Lisanne had bestowed upon Greg and his family.

  Greg was the first to react, fastening his hands on Lisanne’s shoulders and tearing her from Wanda with a whoosh of air. She landed with a hard crash against the front door, but immediately scrambled to her feet.

  Wanda sat up, choking and coughing, her face bright red, her skirt almost up around her waist. “Sharpen your fangs, Nina,” she bellowed in a harsh breath as Lisanne came at her again with a scream so bloodcurdling, Nina knew she’d never forget it. It left a chilling, shrill howl in its wake.

  “I’ll kill her if you do this, Nina!” Lisanne screeched.

  Chaos in its cacophony of color and sound erupted.

  Greg literally flew across the room at Lisanne with a roar, eerie and resonant.

  Nina ran for Wanda who struggled to breathe.

  A tall, slender man appeared out of nowhere in the long hallway that led to the kitchen.

  The front door burst open with a loud crash.

  Svetlanna roused, rising to her feet to scream, “Look out!”

  The moment before Greg reached Lisanne, Marty, in all her furry lycanthropic-ness had shifted, bisecting Greg’s pending tackle and landing on Lisanne with a smack. Her wolven nails clattered on the hard flooring as she held fast to Lisanne.

  Wanda shook Nina. “I’m okay. Go. Hurry before it’s too late.” Nina hauled her up, then ran for Greg who’d vaulted back to his feet.

  The first chime of midnight sounded on the grandfather clock.

  “You’re the devil! You’re both the devil!”

  Oh. For. Fuck’s. Sake.

  Jim Finch staggered at the couple, winging his bottle of Holy water in wild arcs.

  Two chimes, Nina thought frantically. Yes, it’d been two.

  Wanda yelled to Nina over her shoulder. “I’ve got this, Nina. Hurry!”

  Three bloody chimes.

  Nina heard Wanda chide Jim Finch. “God forgive me for doing this because you’re my elder, but shut the fuck up!” She punctuated her demand by clocking him one with a solid right hook Nina caught out of the corner of her eye.

  Now four.

  Chime number five rang out, as Svetlanna rushed to them, dragging them by their hands to the slender, solemn-looking man in the hall. “This is a clan member, here to witness the mate bond. If you’re doing this, do it now. You have to hurry!”

  Six chimes, and Greg was giving her that look like he was going to start with the eternity crap again, and after all this, she just wouldn’t have it.

  Her eyes narrowed, black and glistening. She pushed her hair from her face, ready with whatever it took to do what needed to be done. Her voice rose in a tone that wouldn’t allow him room to speak, words tumbling out of her mouth at high speed. “Don’t even go there, Wing Man. No, I didn’t trust you. Yes, I have trouble trusting anyone. Yes, I thought you wanted to turn me into some brainwashed zombie. No, I don’t believe that anymore. Yes, I’m a pain in the ass. No, we don’t know a lot about each other, but we’ll have plenty of time, and if I went to all this trouble to princess-up and you turn me down, I’ll find a way to make your after-afterlife a living hell! Now stop being a killjoy and hold the fuck still.”

  Nina didn’t give Greg a chance to protest. When the seventh chime sounded, she jumped up, threw her legs around his waist, and sank her teeth into his neck with a yowl.

  And if she’d once thought drinking blood from a cup was this side of Heaven, she’d have been mistaken.

  The direct rush of blood, coppery, sweet, and sinfully delicious was far, far better. The sensation of her teeth in Greg’s neck ripped through her, touching every inch of her skin, making her eyes roll to the back of her head, leaving her weak and clinging to him.

  This—this beat chicken wings and sardines hands freakin’ down.

  Greg used a gentle hand when he finally pulled her teeth from his neck. They left his skin with a pop. He rubbed the spot where they’d been with a swift hand. “I think we’re good, honey.”

  Nina’s head fell back on her shoulders, her body like melted butter, and she listened, her ears finely tuned to the grandfather clock.

  No more chimes.

  Thank fucking Christ.

  Her head popped up, and she looked Greg square in the eye with a grin. “Done.”

  Greg rubbed the tip of his nose to hers, returning her smile. “Indeed.”

  Nina slid from his waist, still hanging on to him for fear she’d topple over. “Now that is better than any blood in a bag. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Svetlanna’s
light laughter tinkled when she hugged them both. “Thank you, Nina. You’ll never know how grateful I am for this.”

  “Um, newly married—uh, mated—uh, whatever, people?” Wanda called from across the room, looking down at Jim Finch who lay on the floor at her feet. “I think we have some carnage. I swear, I didn’t mean to hit him so hard. But he’s still breathing if that helps any.”

  “Don’t worry. I’ll have someone get him home,” Svetlanna assured her, then turned in the direction of Marty and Lisanne, her gaze cold and hard. “For now, I have a little something I have to take care of.” She patted Wanda on the arm and smiled. “By the way, that was some right hook.”

  Wanda smiled coyly. Then her eyes followed Svetlanna’s, taking her attention from Jim.

  Wanda stomped across the floor to stand over Marty. “Marty, stop that now. It’s not nice to toy with your prey before you kill it. Where are your manners?”

  Marty had a prone Lisanne nailed to the floor, her four paws surrounding her body while she licked a startled, stunned Lisanne’s face. She swiped a large, blonde and chocolate paw at her, nudging her jaw with her muzzle.

  Wanda reached down and admonished Marty in her pointed ear. “Marty Flaherty, cut it out. The mating is over, and we have to go. I’m tired. I mean, everyday with the two of you is like some paranormal marathon. I really, really need to rest, and I need a facial.” She nodded. “Yes, that would be refreshing, seeing as I’ve aged a hundred years between the two of you.”

  Marty sat up on her haunches, pride written all over her werewolf face, and ran her tongue over her muzzle. Nina raced for a blanket from the couch in the next room, knowing what came next. Marty had ripped her clothes during a shift again, and if Nina knew Marty, she’d never hear the end of it.

  Wanda held up the blanket to cover Marty’s nakedness when she returned to her human form, scrunching her eyes shut and frowning. “I can’t watch.”

  Lisanne, clearly shocked, sat up and rose to her feet. Her gaze went to Greg, clearly knowing she couldn’t touch him, now that the mating had been done. Her fury was silent, her rage palpable, leaving her unprepared when Svetlanna appeared behind her. Yanking Lisanne by the length of her hair with a vigorous tug and forcing her legs to crumble, Svetlanna dragged her to the front door.

  Lisanne struggled with a sharp screech, digging her heels into the floor and grabbing blindly at Svetlanna’s hands, but Svetlanna’s anger, sizzling like a current of electricity, was stronger. She looked at both Nina and Greg and spoke through clenched teeth. “You two go honeymoon. Lisanne and I are going to stroll down memory lane together, right, Lisanne?” She hauled the vampire who’d caused her so much pain so many years ago up hard, tearing open the door and hurling Lisanne out in front of her. The clatter of heels flying and a grunt made Nina cringe.

  Nina turned to Greg with worried eyes. “Do ya think your mother might need some help?”

  Greg’s smile was wry. “Um, no. I think my mother can handle this. Years of rage can be potent, and if anyone owes Lisanne, it’s my mother.”

  “Is this the shunning thing?”

  “Uh, no, honey. This is the end of Lisanne’s immortality thing.”

  A shiver coursed through her. Svetlanna, serene, calm, collected, was going to finish Lisanne off. And Nina wouldn’t allow herself to think any further than that. Lisanne had created havoc so many years ago and had used her power to tear apart a family, killing them in the name of something as nutty as the green-eyed monster. That Greg hadn’t done her in thus far was a testament to the kind of man he was.

  “So we don’t have to worry about Lisanne anymore—or for that matter, some new, kooky rule you crazy night dwellers might have forgotten to share with me that’ll come back to slap me in the head? Like one that says we’re not really mated after all that drama?”

  Greg chuckled. “Nope. We’re golden.”

  The collective sound of relief spread from one person to the next.

  “So we’re a couple now,” Nina said, grinning at Greg.

  Greg crossed two fingers together. “Just like this. Eternally. Forever. Centuries of commitment—”

  Nina looked up at him, making a face. “I said I get it. Besides, I’d be more worried about you than me, Dracula.”

  “And why’s that, honey?”

  Nina pointed to her mouth. “For eternity you’ll be forced to listen to my big, potty mouth. I swear all the time. I have a lot of opinions, I’m not ashamed to express them, I’m cranky and bossy, and I love a good fight—”

  Greg captured her lips. “Whaddya say we go do couple things and I’ll shut that big mouth up?”

  Nina cocked a saucy eyebrow at him and sauntered to the bottom of the stairwell. “After you.”

  Wanda and Marty crowded them with hugs and good wishes before they hit the stairs, and this time Nina was in the lead. She shoved open the bedroom door, turning to face him with a smug smile while crossing her arms over her chest with an “I win, you lose” attitude.

  His return smile was hesitant, but tempered with amusement. “You don’t know me, Nina.”

  “Nope. I don’t know what your favorite color is or what your middle name is, or even what you like to watch on TV, but I’ll learn.”

  “William.”

  “What?”

  “My middle name. It’s William.”

  “You’re serious?”

  “Yep.”

  “How can you have a first name like Gregori, but a middle name like William?”

  “My father had a close friend whose name was William.”

  “Oh. Well, I’ll try to remember that.”

  The smile that had hesitantly been on his lips before, twitched a little, then disappeared. “You’ve done something you can’t take back.”

  Her smile grew wider. “Yep.”

  “You don’t even like me.”

  “You don’t like me either,” she returned.

  “Yeah, I kinda do.”

  “I do, too.”

  “You do, too, what?”

  “Like you. Sort of.”

  Greg snickered. “Only sort of?”

  “Okay, look, lemme give this to you straight. It wasn’t so much you I didn’t like. I just didn’t like the vampire part a lot. Not you being a vampire, but me being one against my will. When I’m forced to do something I don’t want to do—I get crazy. I behave badly. I swear. I become confrontational. It comes from where I grew up, and people always trying to intimidate you. It was a tough place, as you know. See? Now you’ve learned something else about me. Something deep and emotional. Look at us all getting to know one another, and playing well in a team setting.”

  He chuckled. “Why don’t we shoot for something in the realm of the less obvious? All of those things you mentioned are pretty obvious to anyone within hearing distance.”

  “Mandy.”

  “Who?”

  “My middle name. My middle name is Mandy.” She waited for his reaction.

  “Um, like the Barry Manilow Mandy?”

  Nina narrowed her eyes in warning. “Do not.”

  He put the back of his fist over his mouth to cover his smirk, clearing his throat. “That’s so totally unfair to ask of me.”

  “I’ll say this once and only once, just so you know how totally jacked up I can get about it, okay?”

  He nodded solemnly, only one corner of his mouth lifting in a smirk. “Go.”

  “I know no one expects someone like me to love a guy who sings cheesy love songs, but I do. My mother loved him, and when she dragged herself home, she played his albums over and over. So never, as long as we live together, ever make fun of Barry Manilow. Ever.”

  “I’ll see what I can work out.”

  “Do that. If you don’t, there’ll be hell to pay.”

  “I don’t doubt it.”

  “The Bachelor.”

  “Say again?”

  “The Bachelor. I love that show. It cracks me up when all the girls he doesn’t pick cry l
ike a bunch of sissies. I know that’s sadistic, but c’mon.”

  “I’m a 24 fan, myself. I have to wonder how that guy’s able to stay up for twenty-four hours, let alone take the beat-down he gets almost every episode, and he’s human. I don’t even think a vamp like me could keep up with Jack Bauer.”

  Nina laughed. Okay, this was good. She liked 24, too. “Green.”

  “Really? You never wear green.”

  “That’s because it isn’t really in my color wheel. Not the shade I like anyway.”

  Greg cocked his head in confusion. “What is this color wheel?”

  She smoothed a hand over her ripped dress. “Looooong story, but I know about them because of Marty. She owns a portion of Bobbie-Sue Cosmetics, and color wheels are her reason for breathing. That story, the one with Marty, is almost as unbelievable as ours. Someday I’ll tell you all about it.”

  “Your friends are really something.” His voice rang with admiration.

  Nina grinned. “Yeah, yeah they are.”

  “Marty took on Lisanne like a champ.”

  “I didn’t know Wanda had it in her to clock someone like that.”

  “She’s been paying closer attention to you than you think.”

  Nina shook her head. “I need to spend more time with her. Something’s just not right these days, and I can’t put my finger on it.”

  “That would mean you have a heart.”

  “No. You stole that, remember?”

  He chuckled. “Yellow.”

  “Oh, God. Please tell me that’s not your favorite color.”

  Greg cocked his dark head at her. “It is. It reminds me of the sun, which I mostly can’t get out to see anymore and have no problem admitting I miss.”

  “Then I guess I can forgive that. Just don’t wear it, okay?”

  “If it displeases you, mistress…”

  Nina laughed again. “I’m not a girlie-girl. You probably won’t see me like this often.” She waved a hand along her borrowed dress.

  “I’ve had one too many girlie-girls in several lifetimes. I think I’ll manage without the high maintenance,” he said, winking.

  “Have you then?”

  “Have I what?”