The Smoking Nun Read online

  “Exactly what I thought. So where do I start?”

  “Where do we start?” he asked with a tired smile, the corners of his lips rising.

  I planted my hands on my hips. “You’re not going to give me a hard time about murderers and my possible decapitation while I stick my nose where it doesn’t belong?”

  He affected a look of astonishment, making his eyes go wide with a gasp. “I never used the word decapitation, Pretend Detective Lavender. I believe the word was bludgeoned. Which I’m pretty sure, at least once during your last three run-ins with a murderer, bludgeoning you to death was one of the methods of choice for ways to kill a nosy ex-nun.”

  I whipped a finger in the air to correct him. “Not true. One was drugs, the other was a gun, and the first one escapes me because it feels like it happened a hundred years ago.”

  Gosh, it really felt so long ago, I couldn’t even remember the first murder I’d witnessed. Did that make me jaded?

  Higgs sighed, long and dramatic, his chest inflating and pushing against the crisp white T-shirt he wore under a long-sleeved flannel. “I’m never, not for as long as I live, ever going to forget finding you broken and battered after almost having your organs removed by some madman. Don’t mince words with me, young lady. I know what I said.”

  I shot him a teasing smile and leaned forward on the counter to grab my sketch pad. “Was he going to remove my organs? I suppose we’ll never know.”

  Higgs leaned over the counter until he was at my eye level and stared at me dead on. “And I never want to know. I just want you safe. Either way, I’m here to help. I liked Sister Ophelia, too. She was nothing like the nuns I grew up with in Catholic school.”

  Ah. Another tidbit of information about Higgs I didn’t know. I booped him on the nose with the tip of my finger and grinned.

  “You went to Catholic school?”

  “Yep. Ridiculous uniform and everything,” he said, leaning back and letting his palms rest on the countertop with a grin. “Now, where to start? Thoughts on a way we can do this without stepping on Tansy’s and Oz’s toes?”

  I held up the phone and showed him the text from Tansy. “Sister Ophelia taught English to the middle-school students in the seventh and eighth grades. I say we start there because Tansy’s already been, which means we’re free to go snooping unhindered by her requirements. Maybe we’ll get lucky and find something she missed. It’s an easy walk and it’s a nice day. We might as well enjoy the kinder weather.”

  Higgs swept his hand toward the door. “Then let’s do this.”

  I shot him a skeptical look. “Are you sure you’re my Cross Higglesworth? I feel like we’ve been invaded by pod people and you’re like copycat Higgs because the real Higgs was always giving me grief about my amateur investigations. He was never this affable about me poking around.”

  “Ah, yes. That. That was the old Higgs. The new Higgs has turned over a new leaf. And this new leaf says let’s go steal some lunches and flash bright lights in those kids’ eyes interrogation style for old time’s sake.”

  I burst out laughing as I grabbed my purse from the shelf under the counter and threw the strap over my head. “That’s horrible. This isn’t like your days on the police force. They’re only in middle school, Higgs. I doubt we’ll have to interrogate them.”

  He pulled open the door of the shop. “Kids are hardcore these days and much more grown up than we ever were. They have way more tools than we did, too—like social media. Also, I bet you won’t think I’m so horrible when I collect a stash of Ho Hos.”

  “Hah!” I barked. “Shows what you know. Kids don’t eat Ho Hos anymore. All good moms would rather be drawn and quartered than give their children all those chemicals and preservatives. Kids these days come to school with bento boxes full of sushi rolls and dried kale.”

  He shook his head in mock disgust and rolled his eyes as I ducked under his arm and stepped out onto the cracked sidewalk. “Then is it any wonder they’re all so intense? No growing teenager can live on kale alone, for Pete’s sake. What happened to the good old days when we rode our bikes until it got dark and played in the woods?”

  “Candy Crush was invented?”

  He snorted a laugh before he instructed Jeff to stay with Coop and the guys. “Be a good boy, buddy. I’ll be back soon.”

  As we made our way down the sidewalk, laughing about the differences in our childhoods compared to the children of today, I couldn’t help but feel such relief that Higgs was all in on this investigation.

  It didn’t take us long before we strolled up to the school, an imposing brick structure with arched windows and beautiful stained-glass panels on either side of the doors, featuring various depictions of nature. There was also an enormous stone cross in the middle of the structure, at the peak of the building.

  The day wasn’t quite as warm as yesterday, but still pleasant enough, with a light breeze and people bustling up and down the adjacent sidewalk. Two large cherry blossom trees bracketed the front of the schoolyard, just waiting to bloom under the early spring sun.

  Higgs stopped at the gates and wiped his brow. “Phew. I suddenly feel thirteen again.”

  I giggled as I pushed my way into the gates and headed toward the steps. “Does it feel like someone’s about to steal your Ho Hos?”

  “It feels like someone’s about to come out of those doors and whack my knuckles with a ruler while she scolds me for writing on the bathroom wall.”

  I blinked with a gasp. “Did you write on the bathroom wall?”

  He wagged a finger at me with a teasing smile. “Maybe. But I still don’t think it warranted a whack over the knuckles with a ruler.”

  “Well, on behalf of my former sisters in the Lord, I apologize. I never would have whacked you or anyone with a ruler.”

  “Then nuns have gone soft in the new millennia, haven’t they?”

  I cupped my hand over my eyes, blocking out the bright sun. “How many soft nuns do you know who don’t shed a single tear when they get shot in the foot?”

  “Touché,” he said on a smile, and then he grabbed my arm. “Hey, any idea who we’re even going to talk to? They don’t just let anyone into a school anymore, let alone a private school. They have more rules than rules have rules. We need to know where we’re going.”

  Shoot. I hadn’t thought about that, but then I remembered something Sister Ophelia had told me. I pulled my phone out to check the time. “It’s almost eleven o’clock. The eighth graders go for lunch at eleven. I know because Sister Ophelia sometimes dropped by Betty’s to grab a cup of tea between classes. That’s how we first met. We kept running into each other.”

  As if on cue, a bell rang and hordes of children began pouring out of the school, making me smile. I looked up to the sky and sent Sister Ophelia a silent thank you. She had to have been behind the timing on that one.

  As the children flowed out, we pushed our way in, ducking between the eighth graders who were a whole lot bigger than they’d ever been in my day. The hall floors were shiny, lined with classroom doors in green and red, as more children in their blue school uniforms poured from them, chattering happily.

  Which brought back mostly happy memories for me—happy until my days of debauchery, that is.

  We stopped at a group of bright blue lockers while I tried to figure out where to go next.

  My confusion must have showed. “Maybe we should find Sister Ophelia’s classroom?” Higgs suggested. “There’s bound to be someone taking over the class who can help us find out who the sister spent her time with. Maybe one of them knows something.”

  Out of nowhere, just ahead of us, a classroom door burst open, making a ruckus, leaving both Higgs and I leaning toward the sound.

  A very large male, easily over six feet and riddled with muscle, launched himself down the hall. I only caught a glimpse of his face, hard and angry, before he put his head down and roared, “I didn’t kill Sister Ophelia!”

  As he barreled our way, his
muscular legs encased in navy trousers, and armed with an uncanny sixth sense, because he swerved to avoid a nun who rather spryly ran behind him, he rammed right into Higgs. As a result, he knocked both of them to the ground with the force of his body.

  But slamming into Higgs, who was equally as big, didn’t even faze the man. Instead, he rose on all fours and did a quick crabwalk over him, his hands and feet slipping on the floor as he tried to get his footing.

  And out of nowhere (honest to Pete, I don’t know why I did what I did), I felt a surge of adrenaline. He might know something about Sister Ophelia’s death, and that was all the fuel I needed to light a fire under my backside.

  With a loud screech of an order to stop, I hurled myself at him as though springboards had sprouted in my sneakered feet. I felt the air hit my cheeks as I arced. I stretched my spine to reach as far as I could. I passed the row of lockers in a blur and smashed right onto his back, nailing him to the floor with my body.

  And then I clung to his back, grabbing his wide shoulders and hanging on for dear life. “Don’t move!” I hissed in his ear, pretty darn proud of myself.

  Now listen, I don’t want to brag, but I stuck that landing like I’d slathered myself in superglue. I’m not saying it didn’t hurt to crash into a solid wall of flesh, because heaven and a surfboard, it surely did. My ribs were going to ache for days to come, right along with my face, because the latter did a rebound off his muscled back, making my head snap back.

  But I did it, and now that I had him in my clutches, I wasn’t letting go until he explained himself. Oh, and please note. I didn’t even lose my purse in the melee. I have to tell you, I’m even prouder of that.

  I’d knocked Gigantor to the ground and managed to keep my purse in the process.

  Who’s a soft nun now?

  Chapter 4

  The man struggled with me, trying to push me off, but I clung to him as though he were the last life raft on a sinking luxury liner. I wrapped my arm around his neck and pulled him toward me while he bucked, trying to shake me off.

  “Trixie!” Higgs yelled, as I heard his feet scramble and thump against the floor.

  More feet followed, and the swish of the nun’s skirt when she raced toward me shortly thereafter, and I heard someone call out, “Daniel!”

  Someone pulled me upward as Higgs grabbed hold of the perpetrator and asked gruffly, “Where do you want him, Sister?” he asked another nun who’d appeared on the scene.

  I was still a little jarred after cracking my face against the man’s back, but I managed to wobble my way toward a classroom, where Higgs sat him down in a chair he didn’t quite fit in—and that was when I realized, this was no man, but a child.

  His body might be the size of a freight train, but his face still had a bit of baby fat around his cheeks and neck.

  Oh dear. I’d accosted a child.

  Though, to be fair, I didn’t know he was a child when he made a run for it, but I’d take my licks if someone called me on it.

  The sister, a youngish woman, flushed and clearly panicked, flew toward him, her, red-hued hands outstretched. “Daniel! Are you all right? Are you hurt?”

  “He’s a student?” Higgs asked in astonishment.

  “Yes,” the weary-looking nun moaned. “This is Daniel Coletti.”

  I inhaled sharply. Now I had to add accosting a minor to my rap sheet. “Oh, I’m so sorry, Daniel. I didn’t realize you were a student…”

  But he clearly didn’t want to hear my apologies. Daniel glared at us from his chair, his mouth thinning, his glittering blue eyes narrowed, and ran a hand through his bleached-blond hair. “I told you, I didn’t kill Sister Ophelia, and I’m not saying anything else! I’m not gonna let you blame me for it!”

  “No one is blaming you, Daniel!” the sister cried, wringing her hands. “We’re simply asking you questions. Please calm down.”

  He folded his arms over his large chest and lifted his chin, his mood suddenly shifting from out-of-control to simmering rage. “I don’t have to answer your questions if I don’t want to!”

  I looked at him—this enormous child in the body of a fully grown man, who, if he hadn’t been left back, was no more than thirteen—amongst all the small desks and chairs with a backdrop of colorful posters hanging on the wall, and wondered why he was so angry.

  He appeared almost resentful, and I had a sneaking suspicion he was often the fall guy for things he played no part in due to his size. Honestly, I didn’t know they made them this big at thirteen, but coupled with what I guessed were parents who granted him plenty of leeway, he was the right mix of ingredients for one angry kid.

  Another nun approached, looking as meek as the first, her hazel eyes imploring. “Daniel, we just want to understand why you were heard saying such awful things. We only want to help you.”

  Tapping his foot, he pushed back on the chair, leaning until it hit the side of a desk. “I said, I don’t have to answer you! Why—won’t—you—leave—me—alone?!” he bellowed, making my ears ring.

  I caught a glimpse of Higgs, his jaw tightening, a sure sign he was having trouble not laying into this boy and giving him a real ex-cop’s scare.

  But I truly believed he behaved this way because he was frightened, rather than because he’d done anything so horrible.

  “Daniel!” the sister with the pale hands reprimanded, though she was clearly afraid, making me wonder if she wasn’t putting on a stern front for our benefit when, on the inside, she was a total marshmallow.

  Daniel straightened as if he was going to flee, but Higgs gave him the “cop” look and said, “Don’t even think about it, or I’ll be the next one to tackle you. You’ll stay put until I say otherwise.”

  Clearly, some order was necessary. Rather than harangue Daniel, which, by the way he’d bolted, was what had happened before he’d burst out of the classroom, I decided introductions were in order.

  I held out my hand to the sisters. “First, sisters? I’m Trixie Lavender—one-time nun from Saint Aloysius By The Sea. These days I own the tattoo shop over on Peach Street called Inkerbelle’s. It’s a pleasure to meet you both.”

  They each eyed me with clear hesitation, but took my hand in good faith. “Why are you here? Did you know Sister Ophelia?” the younger nun asked, her watery hazel eyes peering at me from beneath her wimple.

  I nodded, tucking my purse behind me. “I did, and I was incredibly fond of her. We did some charity work together for Our Lady and Father Rico. On behalf of everyone at Inkerbelle’s, I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  The other nun, a round, cheerful-looking lady with peachy skin and chubby hands, sniffled. “We all truly loved Sister Ophelia. I’m Sister Ann, by the way, and this is Sister Sue. Thank you for your kind words. We’ve all been in such a tizzy since we heard.”

  “I’m here to help with anything you need.”

  “Help?” Sister Ann asked, her full cheeks swallowed up in her tentative smile as she cocked her head.

  “Oh, forgive me! In the chaos, I forgot to mention I’m here in sort of an unofficial capacity. I often help the Cobbler Cove Police with grief in the aftermath of a crime. You can call Detective Tansy Primrose to check, if you’d like.”

  Sister Sue nodded in affirmation, folding her hands in front of her. “Oh! She was just here asking questions, and she said you might drop by. Either way, I’m happy to help with whatever I can, no matter who asks.”

  “Then do you mind if I ask you some questions?” I asked, keeping my face passive and my tone light while totally ignoring the simmering Daniel, who sat but two desks away, fidgeting in his seat.

  “Not at all,” Sister Ann said in a hushed tone. “We’re all so beside ourselves with shock, I think we haven’t quite processed all our thoughts.”

  “Have Daniel’s parents been called? Detective Primrose didn’t mention Daniel’s name when she listed the people she’d talked with, but they should be here.”

  Higgs shot me a strange look because he knew
darn well Tansy hadn’t sent me a list of anything. But listen, sometimes I get caught up in the moment. So I’m going to chalk it up to creative license if it gets me what I want. Sometimes, you have to improvise.

  In my favor, she did say I could shadow her. Consider me shadowing.

  Sister Ann nodded and cleared her throat. “We didn’t know what Daniel had said until after Detective Primrose left, but they’ve been called, and I they should be arriving shortly.” Then she shot a worried look to Sister Sue, leading me to believe Daniel’s parents weren’t the most involved.

  I’d already knocked down a minor; it was probably best not to question him without a parent. Also, kids being kids, I knew my questions would pique his interest. So I waved them over to the part of the room by the sunny windows and grabbed three chairs while Higgs watched over Daniel.

  As we sat, I noticed for the first time this was Sister Ophelia’s classroom. There were pictures of her with the students at some kind of winter fair, and the books lined up on a shelf under the windows had her name on them.

  Looking at both the women, their faces so full of sorrow, I sympathized. “First, again, let me tell you how sorry I am for your loss. Sister Ophelia was a wonderful, giving human being, and I’ll miss her greatly.”

  “Us too,” Sister Ann said. “I still can’t believe this has happened. Who would want to hurt her?”

  “Well, if you listen to the gossip, Daniel did!” Sister Sue replied with an almost angry tone, but then she looked around the room in guilt and thinned her lips.

  I cocked my head. “Meaning?”

  Sister Sue leaned toward me, her wimple brushing her shoulders. “Meaning one of the children, who I promised would remain anonymous, heard him threaten Sister Ophelia when she gave him an F on a report. He said, and I quote, ‘I hate you so much I could kill you.’”

  I blanched, as did the sisters, but it wasn’t uncommon for kids his age to become dramatic and overreact to a situation. So I gave him a little leeway.

  “So he was angry with Sister Ophelia for giving him a bad grade. Did this anonymous person say when this happened?”