Accidentaly Divine Read online

  And she couldn’t afford to let that happen—not ever again. She’d seen the bottom of the barrel and it was ugly. Worse, it hurt.

  Peering at him over the cup of steaming tea, she gave him a tentative smile. “Thank you, Archibald. Er, Arch.”

  He smiled again and gave a light clap of his hands. “Good then. Now, should you need to talk to someone, especially a newly minted paranormal such as myself, do come chat in the kitchen, where I shall prepare a feast like none you’ve had before. You will sup with us this eve, won’t you?” Then he shook his head as though the notion she wouldn’t join them was plain bananas. “Bah. Of course you will. I insist.”

  He was off before she could confirm and then the room went silent for a moment before Marty was up on her feet, smoothing her hands over a sapphire-blue knit dress that matched her eyes perfectly, the gold bangle bracelets she wore tinkling cheerfully.

  With a warm smile, she said, “So of course you’ll stay here until you’re acclimated as an angel, George. We’re happy to have you.”

  “But what about your family? Won’t this be an intrusion?” She never wanted to be an imposition.

  Marty smiled. “My husband Keegan’s out of town on a daddy-daughter vacation with our Hollis, and I’m free as a bird, but even if they were here, you’d still be welcome to stay. Keegan knows the score with OOPS and he’s very supportive.”

  For the first time, George took a real look around at the beautiful home Marty had created. Still decorated for Christmas with soft whites and pillows with red ticking, pops of various blues and grays here and there.

  The artwork of the ocean in soft, muted pastels, the family photos of her little girl and her incredibly handsome husband, mingled with pictures of the OOPS women and their children, and she grew nervous.

  “Why do I have to stay here? I couldn’t impose. I mean, I have a place to live. I have a house and…I have responsibilities and…” She couldn’t think of all the things she had, but she had them, and she wanted to go back to them.

  Dex had said she could stay here on Earth with her things. That’s what she wanted to do.

  Wanda reached for her hand and squeezed it with motherly warmth, her gentle expression soft in the glow of Marty’s huge Christmas tree. “George, sweetie, it’s okay. We just thought it might be easier to help you if you were here with us where there’s plenty of room. Marty has a magical guest bedroom with sheets to absolutely die for. We usually have to cram ourselves into the client’s tiny space in order to be available to them twenty-four-seven, we just thought this might be easier, seeing as you’re a local. But we can go to your place, if you’d like. We want you to be comfortable. That’s what’s most important to us. If we need to pack a bag, just say the word.”

  Nina clucked her tongue in agreement. “Yeah, that, and we can keep track of you so when the bad motherfuckers come looking for you, we can protect your tiny ass. It’s easier—”

  A zing of fear skipped along her spine. “Bad?” George yelped, pushing herself forward on the couch. What bad motherfucker was going to come looking for her and why?

  “Nina!” Marty swatted the vampire. “Nothing bad’s going to happen. Jesus. Why do you have to make everything so hard?”

  Wanda rolled her eyes and sighed an aggravated sigh. “Nina, she’s an angel. It’s very different from the clients we’ve dealt with in the past. Who would want to hurt an angel of all things, Ms. Doom-and-Gloom?”

  “The devil?” Nina asked, making a face at Wanda.

  The devil? Hold on. Just hold on. The devil was real?

  Duh, stupid. If Heaven and angels are real, why wouldn’t the devil be real, too?

  Dex sat forward as well, the muscles of his thighs flexing through the fabric of his jeans. He looked at Nina, his dreamy eyes serious. “Listen, I know you guys have dealt with some dicey characters in the past, but it’s not like that. We know I was the one responsible for turning George into an angel. It wasn’t a malicious accident. This isn’t some mystery to solve—no one’s going to come after her to try and take something from her. I just wanted George to have people to lean on who’ve experienced the turn by accident. People who could relate, and you guys were the first people who came to mind. But there’s nothing malicious to worry about. Scout’s honor.”

  “So what’s it gonna be, George?” Marty asked, tucking her hair behind her ears. “Do you want to stay with us for a few days while you get your feet wet or would you prefer we come to you? We’re a full-service paranormal crisis group. We can pick up and stuff ourselves into your little house without qualm.”

  “Welp,” Nina said with a slap of her hands to her thighs. “Seeing as she’s not in any danger, and you don’t need my muscle, I guess you fruitcakes don’t need me. That means I’m out. I have a binge watch waiting for me on Netflix and a hot husband to boot. So, see you flakes around. Good fucking luck.”

  She rose from the couch, sticking out her hand for George to shake, but Wanda grabbed her by the arm of her dark hoodie. “Sit your svelte vampire behind back on that couch, Mistress of the Night! As much as I hate to admit it, if anyone could teach George a thing or two about sticking up for herself, it’s you, Flappy Lips. You will not abandon ship. We don’t ever abandon ship. No matter how big or small the job.” Wanda shook a finger at the space beside George. “Sit. Now.”

  With a groan, Nina flopped back down on the couch. “All she has to do is learn to use her middle GD finger. Why do you fucking need me for that? Is yours broken?”

  Immediately, George felt the need to apologize for her imposition. This really wasn’t necessary. She was a big girl, and she’d been all alone in the world for a long time. She didn’t need a babysitter, despite what the person in charge upstairs said.

  Also, this lady was very angry. Scary angry. As angry as she was beautiful. She didn’t want to shit wrong for a year because she’d made this strange but fascinating vampire lady mad.

  Tucking her hair behind her ears, she looked at Nina with a wince. “I’m sorry, Vampire Lady. I don’t mean to inconvenience you. You can go home if you’d like. I’ll be fine.”

  Nina scrunched up her face, which, even contorted, was still stunning. “Now that right the fuck there is your problem, Angel Wings. Don’t apologize and call yourself a fucking inconvenience. Get a spine.”

  “Nina’s right. Don’t apologize. This is what we do, George, and Nina’s in like it or not. That’s how we’ve always done this. All of us. Together. Always. Period,” Marty said with a determined expression.

  “But Gladys,” George offered as a weak protest. She couldn’t just up and move into this beautiful house without Gladys.

  Marty flapped a hand at her. “We love all beasts great and small. I mean, look at the size of Nina. Five foot ten if she’s an inch, all of maybe a hundred and forty pounds of snarly, growling meaniebutt, and we still love her,” she teased with a giggle.

  “Fuck you, Marty. Shows what you know. I weigh a hundred and fucking fifty pounds,” Nina shouted, hurling a pillow that Marty caught with the keen dexterity of a quarterback.

  Wanda rose from the couch and stretched. “The point is, Gladys is welcome here. We adore animals, all of them, and we’ve had plenty, including a chipmunk named Baloney. So, you in, George?” she asked, holding out a fist for her to bump with an encouraging smile.

  With great hesitance and holding her breath, George held up her fist and lightly bumped Wanda’s. “In.”

  For better or for worse.

  Even if she still wasn’t sure she believed she was an angel.

  Pushing the key into the lock of the door to her small house, her haven, George inhaled the scent of her home as Gladys came lumbering out from her usual afternoon nap on the bed, giving a husky harrumph of glee, her golden fanned tail wagging.

  Her house was still decorated for Christmas, too. No one ever really saw it except for her and Gladys, but that was okay. It was her favorite time of year and she loved decorating every inch of her smal
l home.

  She’d bought this house all on her own and she was proud of it. Not a single handout had been given.

  Gladys launched herself at George, making her forget about her beloved house. She quickly stooped to wrap her arms around her old dog’s neck and give her a hug, rubbing her velvety-soft caramel-colored ears.

  “You wanna take a little trip, Gladys?” she whispered, fighting a sudden rush of tears when her dog cocked her crooked ear at the question.

  Gladys licked her face, clearly happy to have her mother home, when she suddenly realized strangers had entered her domain.

  Immediately, she began that low hum of a growl, warning the women and Dex they were in her house. It was almost hilarious, considering how old and enormous Gladys was. She’d never hurt a soul, but she sure liked making you think she was a fierce attack dog. However, her half ear, torn and crooked when the tip fell toward her head, said she was just a big goof who wanted nothing more than to love and be loved.

  According to the vet, his theory was someone had attempted to crop her ears and done such a poor job of it, they gave up. As a result, Gladys had one long ear and one mangled ear. At nine, she was beginning to show signs of her age in the way her golden and black mask had begun to whiten and her gait had slowed.

  Yet, she was nothing if not protective of George.

  But Nina was the first to respond by kneeling down in front of Gladys and looking her in the eye. “Chill. We come in peace, old lady.” Leaning toward the dog, the vampire rubbed noses with Gladys and let out a deep chuckle. “Aren’t you the prettiest girl ever?” she cooed, stroking Gladys’s back. “Who’s so pretty and majestic? Gladys is. That’s who, sweet baby.”

  Instantly, Gladys leaned into Nina’s hand and closed her eyes in bliss, something she didn’t typically do without reservation, or at least not without the prompt of a bacon bite. Not with new people anyway. It usually took her a minute to warm up.

  “See? I told you it would all be fine.” Wanda said, giving Gladys a scratch on her crooked ear before bending and dropping a kiss on her big head.

  And then Nina held out her hands and headed to the couch. “C’mon, pretty. Come sit with Auntie Nina on the couch. Let’s cuddle and get to know each other,” she cooed with a grin, her voice so syrupy sweet it was almost unrecognizable.

  Gladys vacated George’s side without qualm, her stout body tucking into Nina’s slender one, letting the vampire scratch her under her chin as she patted George’s oatmeal-colored couch.

  “You’re an animal lover?” George asked as she dropped her keys into the basket on the small credenza by her door, not meaning to sound quite so astonished.

  But Nina was, after all, a vampire. Didn’t they eat animals? Drain them of their blood? Sure, they’d all said they were animal lovers, but what was it about a furry creature that they loved?

  The impact of that suddenly hit her like a ton of bricks. Would she want to drain the life out of Gladys? Was that why she was cozying up to her? Tenderizing her prey, perhaps? Or did they only drink human blood?

  For the first time since Dex had introduced them, she felt true fear, making her cross the room and reflexively reach for Gladys.

  The curtain of Nina’s hair fell over her lean cheek when she batted George’s hands away. “Yep. I’m an animal lover, and I don’t drink real fucking blood, weirdo. Don’t be disgusting. Now go pack your shit and get this big smushie face’s stuff, too. Arch’ll kill us if we aren’t back for whatever fucking soufflé bullshit he’s making you guys for a dinner I can’t damn well eat.”

  Wanda put her hand on George’s back and patted it with a reassuring hand. “It’s okay, George. Nina’s crass and mean, but she really loves animals and as you can see, they really love her. She’d die before she’d hurt one. Animals, kids, and the elderly. Honest. But everyone else, as you’ve also seen, is fair game.”

  George fought to hide the exhale of relief she took as she stood in the middle of her living room, her refuge in her tiny cottage of a house with its white shiplapped walls and matte-black-framed pictures of inspirational words she’d hoped would motivate her to keep moving forward.

  Nina had settled on the couch with Gladys, who’d pressed her chin into the vampire’s lap as Marty, Wanda and Dex all looked around at her small home.

  Marty was the first to speak, warm and complimentary. “You really have a talent for decorating, George. What an adorable place you have. Your Christmas decorations are beautiful.” Then she pointed to the wall by the credenza. “I love those pictures of old barns. Did you take them yourself?”

  She nodded as she looked to the gallery wall she’d created behind the couch. “I did. On a trip to Vermont a couple of years ago.”

  Marty sighed wistfully, pulling off her winter white trench coat and setting it on the back of a winged armchair with a fluffy charcoal gray blanket. “We’ve been on a case in Vermont. It was in the winter, but the drive there was still beautiful. I love the snow.”

  Nina nodded and smiled. “Yeah. Vermont’s awesome. Matter of fact, I just talked to Tess the other day.”

  Wanda’s face beamed, too, as she studied some of the black and white framed photos George had taken of Gladys. “Shoot. I meant to call her last week. I’ll have to add it to my day planner for next week so I don’t forget. Life just gets so busy.” Then she sighed. “Anyway, how is sweet Tess? How’s Mick? How’s little Noa?”

  Now Nina beamed, too, as she stroked Gladys’s sweet face, crossing her booted feet at her ankles. “They’re all good, but little Noa’s awesome, as fucking expected. In kindergarten and learning how to handle those wings of hers like a GD pro.”

  “Wings?” George said, not even trying to hide her surprise.

  “She’s a dragon. A baby dragon hatched from an egg.” Marty supplied the answer as though hatching from an egg was an average day in the life of a paranormal.

  George’s mouth fell open. She didn’t mean for it to happen, but c’mon. A baby dragon?

  Dex drew a finger under her chin to encourage her to close her mouth. “It’s a lot in one day, huh?”

  Wrinkling her nose, George shook her head. “Is ‘a lot’ the description we should use here, Dex? I’m not sure that fully encompasses what’s taken place since I fell off that roof.”

  He held out his hand to her the way he always did when he was going to impart some wisdom. She took it because despite the fact that she was now entering a state of terror, she instinctively trusted Dex.

  He looked handsome against the backdrop of her shiplapped walls as he pulled her toward her kitchen, a cool alabaster that usually never failed to soothe her.

  Except for maybe today. Usually, it was a kitchen she loved to bake in with its moss-green cabinets, blond butcher-block countertops and German schmeared-brick backsplash.

  Today? Today it felt like nowhere was safe. Not even her own house.

  “I realize you’re overwhelmed, but I promise, I’ll make this as easy as I can for you, George. It’s sort of weird trying to help people when you don’t always know how to help yourself, but you’ll be fine.”

  She looked into his handsome, unlined face, her nerves jittery. “Can I ask you a question?”

  George had a million of them whirring around in her head, but there was one that troubled her more than most.

  Dex nodded and smiled accommodatingly. “Always.”

  “How long do assignments usually last?”

  His face darkened again. Exactly the way it had when she’d asked another question having to do with specifically being her angel. But then it lightened right up and he shrugged. “Depends.”

  She knew it. Pulling her hand away, she asked, “Depends as in, depends on how pathetic the client is?”

  “Pathetic isn’t the word I’d use here, George. It doesn’t encompass the situation at all. You’re not pathetic. Stop saying that.”

  Blinking, she wrinkled her nose. “Then why has it taken a year for you to fix me?”

&nb
sp; He tilted his head, his eyes warm. “Because I’m not supposed to fix you, George. I’m supposed to guide, lead the way to a better you.”

  Crossing her arms over her chest, she made a face. “I’m pretty sure helping me solve an argument or two isn’t going to make an overall better me. I’m still as awkward and clumsy, indecisive and insecure as the day you took the job of becoming my angel.”

  He searched her eyes for a moment, as though he wanted to say something, but then he simply smiled that gorgeous smile. “You’ve come a long way, George. Believe in yourself like I believe in you.”

  She made another face. “Nice platitude. We should put it on a plaque and frame it next to the rest of my inspy wall.” Making her way to the cabinet where she kept Gladys food and treats, she hauled out a big bag and a cannister of soft Snausages. “So sometimes, for the sadder sacks, a case can last up to a year or more? How am I supposed to keep up with being a guardian angel and work a full-time job?”

  He chuckled, a little too warmly for her disgruntled thoughts. “Let’s just say, you don’t need to sleep as much as you used to—or eat, for that matter. If you don’t prefer, that is.”

  Panic set in at the idea she couldn’t have one of her beloved cookies or a grilled ham and cheese. One of her favorite things to do was bake. What would her life be like if she couldn’t make blueberry and bleu cheese cupcakes?

  “Wait, can I still taste food?”

  He smiled as though she’d asked something ridiculous. “Of course, but it isn’t necessary for your survival.”

  Nina cackled from the living room. “Beats not being able to eat at all, Winged One. Call your ass lucky you’re not me. I’d choke a bitch out for some chicken wings and a damn side of ranch.”

  Dex came up behind her and took the heavy bag of food from her hands. “You can still taste food, George. In fact, you can eat whatever you want and never gain an ounce.”

  Huh. Well, that was a check in the pro column for guardian angels.

  “Oh! I call bullshit! My ass turns into the size of a dump truck if I have one donut. Why wasn’t I turned into the paranormal who doesn’t gain an ounce? No fair!” Marty yelped before she grabbed her friend’s arm and laughed. “I wanna be an angel, Wanda. Let’s ask for a refund.”