Accidentally Catty Read online

  “You really don’t remember anything that happened today? Anything?” Ingrid squeaked, the tremble of a quiver in her question.

  Katie frowned, cocking her head in Ingrid’s direction, only to find when she met her eyes, Ingrid looked away. “Okay. I guess it’s time for the reality check you all gave me. Buckle up, and hold on tight. Here’s how it went down, Spanky. You showed up on the front steps of my clinic tonight. We found you, Ingrid, my receptionist, and Kaih, my intern, after we all went to Ed’s for dinner—and you didn’t look like this.” She swept her good hand along his bulky body.

  “So you did take my clothes off. Naughty ladies, the lot of you, eh?” he teased, a raven eyebrow cocked arrogantly.

  Katie sighed, ragged and exasperated. The day was beginning to take its toll, and it didn’t look like it was going to end any time soon. “No. We didn’t take your clothes because you didn’t have any clothes because cougars don’t wear clothes. Yes, that’s what I said. Cougars. When Ingrid, Kaih, and myself found you, you were a big kitty cat who was passed out. We didn’t know if you were injured, so we brought you in here to examine you. Because I’m a veterinarian, and that’s what I do when I think an animal’s in distress. I diagnose. We figured you came from Mr. Magoo’s down the road because, really, where else would you have come from? Mr. Magoo runs the exotic animal park. All you had on was a collar that we took off so I could get a closer look at you. The collar identified you as Spanky.” Katie went to the countertop and held it up, letting the big copper medallion swing in the harsh glare of the examining room lights. “Look familiar?”

  Spanky squinted his eyes and pursed his luscious lips. “Sadly, no.”

  “Right.” Katie gave him a curt nod. “So we dragged you in here and hoisted you up on the table. As we did, you jerked and your paw”—she held up her very own paw with a grunt for the effort—“one just like this, scratched my arm. We then put you in a cage to protect you from harm after sedating you, and but two hours later, I had a paw, too. Oh, and these teeth. Another two hours later, after the OOPS team of shifters showed up, we came back in here to check up on you, and hopefully figure this out. You are the man with all the answers. Instead, we found you were no longer a cougar. You’d changed into a big, strapping boy, er, man, er . . . whatever. In closing, you did this to me. That means you have to fix it. You’re a half man, half cougar or shapeshifter, I believe is the terminology, according to the OOPS team. So I think the explaining part of this conversation is on you. Ball’s in your court, Spanky,” she grated.

  Spanky’s beautiful, unlined eyes grew hooded, clouding with suspicion. “I don’t think I want to play whatever game your ball involves. You women are bloody mental. Now I suggest you all move out of my way and let me leave, or I’ll move you myself,” he growled, low and threatening.

  “Hold on there, Zac Efron.” Wanda stood in his path. “Here’s how it’s going to be, young man. You’re not going anywhere, and I do mean anywhere. Don’t test me. You do not want to try my patience. I’m ugly when provoked, and I’m not talking just my temper, pal. I don’t know what kind of game you think you’re playing by pretending you don’t know who you are, or for that matter, what you are, but by all that’s holy, I’m darn tired. It’s been a long day and my feet hurt. If you rub me the wrong way, I can’t promise you won’t lose a limb. So if you don’t want me to go all werevamp on you, sit down!” she roared.

  “Ohhhh,” Nina taunted close to Spanky’s angry face. “It’s on, brother. Werevamp versus cougar. Let the games begin. I love the scent of impending death in the air,” Nina cackled, taking a deep, mocking whiff of him to display her threat only to frown in confusion. “Uh, Wanda?”

  Wanda huffed, her chest heaving with impatience. “Nina?”

  “Hold up on the smackdown.”

  “Reason?”

  “Something’s just not right. I can smell it. Lemme read his mind.”

  “Did you just say you were going to read his mind?” Katie squawked.

  “Yeah, blondie, that’s what I said. Just another magical, mystical vampiric power. I can fly, too. Crazy, right? Now just be quiet. I’m still learning this shit, and it takes concentration.” Wanda backed away, allowing Nina space.

  Nina grabbed Spanky’s chin, tightening her grip when he attempted to defiantly pull away. Her eyes pierced his, making his jaw go slack and his blue eyes hazy and dull. Her own charcoal black eyes went wide. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.”

  “What’s wrong?” Katie asked.

  “He’s totally telling the truth. He has no clue what the fuck we’re talking about. Goddamn it. This is gonna take forever. I should have brought a change of underwear.”

  Katie’s stomach sank with a sharp dive. “What do you mean he has no clue what we’re talking about?”

  Nina’s eyes narrowed. “I mean, I can smell his confusion. Not to mention, I can read his almost-blank mind. He’s got not a fucking thing up there but that he thinks you’re hot, Doc Woods, and a nutter—his word, not mine—but still hot. Leave it to a man who has no idea who he is to have enough memory left to know what makes his Mr. Twinkie sit up and take notice. Anyway, he has no idea what you’re talking about, or what his name is, or where the fuck he comes from, or how he got here, or what happened to your hand. Oh, but he likes your taters. He thinks they’re the perfect size.”

  Nina chuckled when Spanky’s face went from total agreement to chagrin. “I thought no such thing. It was breasts, not taters. I’d never use such a crass word to define such a fine pair of . . .” He cleared his throat, stopping short. “I assure you, I’d never use that word.”

  Marty nudged Nina with an elbow. “Jesus, Nina. You have no censor. Get out of his head right this minute and leave the boy some dignity.”

  Katie glanced at each woman. There was only so much bullshit she could contend with in one night. Her flip-out-ometer was growing jiggier by the second.

  Okay, yeah. Nina, Marty, Casey, and Wanda had paranormal abilities. There was no denying what they’d shown her, but to believe that Nina could read minds, aside from her flying (hah!) capabilities would just be a hair shy of the ridiculous. Maybe they were all in cahoots with him? But to what end? “You expect me to believe you read people’s minds? Really?”

  Nina popped her lips. “Well, you’ve come this far. Why not go all the fucking way? Yeah, I read minds, and no, we’re not in cahoots with Spanky here. And I can so fly, which is exactly what the shit I’ll do, and soon, if we don’t get the show on the road. Oh, and I’ll show you ‘just a hair shy of ridiculous.’ Come shop with us at the outlet malls while Marty tries to squeeze her fat ass into a size-seven skirt. That defines ridiculous.”

  Katie swooned as Nina repeated exactly what she’d just thought. Casey was behind her in an instant, propping her up. “She’s telling the truth, Dr. Woods.”

  “She is not,” Marty scolded with a scowl in Nina’s direction. “I can, too, wear a size seven, you thrift-store monger.”

  Nina snorted. “You and what crowbar?”

  “Both of you pipe down! Can’t you see you’re only upsetting Dr. Woods more than she already is? I think next time we need to wait a little longer before we do the mind-reading thing. It’s jarring and overall like having a case of the squicks from the inside out—especially when Nina’s all in your head,” Casey chided, running a soothing palm over Katie’s stiff back.

  Wanda’s sigh was loud. “Look, this has been information overload for everyone involved, including the boy, er, Spanky. If what Nina says is correct, and Spanky has, for all intents and purposes, amnesia, we have a problem that won’t be solved overnight. So we need a plan B.”

  Spanky, who’d quieted while the women argued, spoke up. He was working hard at keeping his composure so that only the slightest hint of panic shone in his eyes. “Did I mention how brilliant it was to meet each of you lovely ladies? If not, I’ll do that on my way out the door. Again, thank you for your hospitality. You know, the drugs, the cage, the finest of c
lothing. All of it. Just brilliant. Good luck to you and your . . . your . . . well, just good luck, Dr. Woods. And remember, we’ll always have Paris, or, er, wherever we are. I’ll see myself out.”

  “Sit,” Wanda growled, jabbing a finger in his chest until he plopped on the stool Nina chucked under his backend. “You’re not going anywhere, and it isn’t just because you hold the key to this mystery. We can’t let you go out there in nothing but a lab coat.You don’t even know who you are, let alone where you come from, or how you got to a place like an exotic animal park. We don’t want to hurt you. We just want to help.”

  “Some of us more than others,” Nina remarked in her acerbic tone.

  Wanda rolled her eyes. “We’re not crazy. Well, Nina’s crazy, but I promise I’ll keep a close eye on her so it doesn’t rub off.”

  Spanky’s gaze was unwavering when his suspicious eyes took in Wanda’s. “After everything I’ve heard tonight—cougars, shifting, mind-reading, crazy never once crossed my mind.” His tone was full of the sarcasm Katie herself had tinted her words with earlier.

  Skater boy was in for a hella surprise.

  “The word was nutter,” Nina corrected. “That’s what crossed your mind.”

  He held up a hand while shaking his head. “Right. Either way, and as kind as your offer is, I think I’ll try and tough this one out alone.”

  “Look,” Wanda continued. “I’m sure all of the information that’s been bandied about tonight makes it seem as if we’re all just one butterfly net away from the loony bin, but what we say is true. About you. About us.”

  Katie, tired and in need of anything alcoholic with the word tini tacked onto it, had had enough. If she had to be dumped into the river of acceptance headfirst, then so did the perp of the crime.

  She slapped her good hand on her thigh. “You know what, ladies? I hate to ask you to pull out all the paranormal stops again, but I have a suggestion. Show him. At least he’ll know the business about you all is true, and the possibility exists. Kaih, Ingrid, and I will wait out in the reception area. There are plenty of towels in the upper cabinets. You know, in case things get messy.”

  She was almost pleased by the nearly undetectable loss of color in Spanky’s cheeks. Almost. She wasn’t entirely convinced he was being truthful, despite Nina’s mind-reading accuracy. If he really didn’t know he was a cougar, that notion brought with it a whole new can of worms. How could he doubt their existence if he had no memory of anything other than her taters?

  “Oh, please do. Show me, ladies,” Spanky encouraged cockily. The smug tilt of his lips and that “yeah, right” expression reminded Katie of someone.

  Oh, yeah. Her. The her of two hours ago when unicorns and trolls under bridges were still only mythological mysteries.

  Nina laughed, holding her fist, knuckles forward at Katie. “You aiiight, Doc.” She sighed with contentment. “Shit. I love this part. Twice in one night is pushing orgasmic.”

  Katie, giddy from the night’s events, actually giggled like she hadn’t in a coon’s age. “I know you do. We’ll be right out here,” she said to Spanky. “In case you need tissues,” she joked, letting the examining room door close behind her, blocking out his skeptically handsome face.

  Wanda poked her head out. “Wait, Katie. He’s been through a lot. He genuinely can’t remember who he is. I don’t know that it’s wise to, well, to freak him out any more than I’m sure he already is.”

  Katie felt a moment of sympathy, but she let it pass due to the severity of her condition and the need for answers. “I think he’s pretty tough, Wanda. I also think all’s fair in love and the quest to rid yourself of teeth fit for a woolly mammoth. I need answers. I can’t work like this, and I have an animal to care for with an owner who just wouldn’t understand my paw. If Spanky doesn’t have the answer, and you don’t have the answers, then who does? If nothing else, he’ll believe us when we tell him shapeshifters exist, and then maybe he’ll see what’s happened to me is very real. Or maybe when you do show him, whatever’s keeping him from remembering will jog some memory of who he is.”

  Wanda’s expression held doubt.

  Katie sighed. “How about a compromise? Don’t nail him with everything at once. Maybe just a little fang and fur—no fireballs or levitation. That was like an acid trip with Linda Blair as the tour guide.”

  Wanda chuckled and winked. “You got it. You’re one tough cookie, Katie Woods. I admire that.”

  Yeah.

  A tough cookie with an amnesiac man-cougar.

  She shoots—she scores.

  SILENCE.

  There was nothing but nail-biting silence after the loud crashing of cages, Nina’s wickedly delighted laughter, either Wanda or Marty’s eerie howl, and one long, muffled gasp.

  Katie put her ear to the door. Her hearing was oddly magnified and so crisp it almost hurt. Maybe she could get a listen at what was going on.

  Nothing.

  Guilt assaulted her. He was just a kid. She’d subjected him to an unimaginable encounter with creatures he probably thought only existed in the movies.

  “You hear anything in there, Doc Woods?” Kaih asked.

  “Nada. I’m concerned he’s passed back out from shock.”

  “This has been some wild ride, huh?”

  “For who?” She flashed her paw at him with a grimace.

  “I know that part of this sucks, but can I just say something here?”

  “Expression in the form of speech is always encouraged.”

  He jammed his hands into the pocket of his lab coat. “This has been the best friggin’ night of my life. So totally beats kicking Skips on Water’s ass at Guitar Hero. Seriously, working for you was cool. You’re an okay boss, but this? This was a-mazing.”

  Katie turned, letting her back rest against the door. “You’re not at all afraid, Kaih? After everything we’ve witnessed tonight? Ingrid may never be the same. Yet, you’re acting like someone just gave you a ticket to ride on the starship Enterprise.”

  “It’s probably just that cool,” he joked. “No, Dr. Woods. I’m not afraid. Not of the OOPS team, anyway. They’re okay. I can sense it. I’m more afraid of what you’ll say when I tell you—”

  “Dr. Woods!” someone bellowed from outside the door to the clinic. “Open this door now!”

  Katie’s eyes went wide when they met Kaih’s. “Who the hell is that at this time of night?” she whisper-yelled, panic flaring in her gut.

  Ingrid squealed from her fetal position in the corner, fat tears began streaming down her face. “OMG, Dr. Woods! I’m so sorry!”

  Kaih threw an ACE bandage at Katie, instructing her to wrap it around her hand to hide her paw.

  “What the hell is going on?” she asked, searching his dark eyes as he helped her tug the last of the bandage into place.

  The banging of angry fists on the door mingled with the screech of the October wind. “Open this door. I know what you’ve done, and I’ll prosecute if you don’t open this door now!”

  The examining room door swung open behind Katie. Nina popped her head out and yelped, “Who the fuck is making all that goddamned racket? My ears are sensitive and I’m nearly in a vampire coma. Shut whoever that is the fuck up now!” Nina stomped over to the door, flinging it open with an angry grunt.

  Kaih tugged on her arm. “Listen, Dr. Woods, this is what I was trying to tell you—”

  “Who the hell are you? Do you have any idea how late it is?” Nina asked an elderly man, his thick head of gray and silver hair windblown and mussed, his bifocals haphazardly perched on his nose.

  Sharp clear eyes that matched his hair glared up at Nina. His wrinkled face was a mask of fury. He pushed past her, his bony finger pointed at Katie as the ends of his down coat, unzipped to reveal a plaid flannel shirt, flapped in the harsh wind. “What have you done?” he bellowed, so loud Katie’s eardrums vibrated with the cavernous rumble. A batch of freshly fallen leaves skittered in on the howl of the breeze behind him, rustling
and skipping over her waiting room floor.

  Kaih grabbed her by the arm again when she made a move to approach the man. “Dr. Woods, listen to me! This man is dangerous—”

  “Where is he?” the old man screeched, hoarse and high, the jowls of loose skin around his jawline trembling.

  “Where is who, sir?” Wanda called, pressing her hands along her hips to smooth her skirt down. Her worried frown marred her beautiful face as she headed in the direction of the front door.

  But the old man only had eyes for Katie, all his vengeance directed at her as he cornered her against the wall. “You crazy zealot! Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Always picketing us, making a ruckus. Now tell me where he is!”

  Nina was instantly at Katie’s side, towering over the squat man. “Whoa there, old-timer. I’m not big on taking down the senior shuffleboarders, but I’ll do it if you don’t catch your breath.”

  He huffed in her direction, spittle escaping his thinned lips. “She did this! You’re responsible for this, and I’m going to the police. Do you hear me, Dr. Woods?” In a flash, one even Nina missed, he went for Katie, his hands, old and arthritic, latched onto her neck, wrapping around it with a strength that left her too surprised to react.

  “Hookay!” Nina roared. “Time to head home for some warm milk and your Bengay rubdown, pardner.” With that, she pried his fingers from Katie’s neck, scooped him up by the back of his jacket, and planted him outside the door on the front steps, slamming the door with an angry grunt.

  And she did it with only two fingers.

  God.

  Nina’s lips were a thin line of pissed off when she surveyed the room. She crossed her arms over her chest, leaning back against the door and crossing her feet at the ankles. Her eyes zeroed in on Kaih and Ingrid. “So I got a hinky feelin’ somebody’s got some explainin’ to do. And don’t bother to lie to me, because if I gotta get inside your little heads to find out what you’re hiding, I’ll leave you praying for a lobotomy.”