The Accidental Troll Read online

  “I have a feeling I’m not ready for that part of my troll journey just yet. Whaddya say you keep some of your troll information a mystery so we can keep our relationship fresh and exciting? You know, like, don’t give away too much too soon or the shine will wear off?”

  Sten barked a laugh but cleared his throat and sobered quickly, giving her a somber look. “But the truth is, we are going to have a relationship, Murphy,” he said, his tone gruff and husky. A tone she couldn’t deny sent shivers along her spine

  “Because you’re my king?” The very idea still made her want to laugh. It sounded so medieval.

  “Because I did this, and I can’t tell you how shitty I feel about that or how sorry I am it happened. I was whittling, a favorite pastime of mine, when I found out what Bell did and instead of thinking, I instantly went into damage-control mode and forgot to sheath my knife, which is what nicked you and started all of this.”

  Forget the knife. She remembered Wanda telling her it had been dipped in troll magic. She couldn’t absorb that right now. She had a more important question.

  “You whittle?” Who whittled?

  He nodded and smiled again. “I do. Not very well, but it helps with the stress of running a kingdom. Anyway, I’m the one who has to help you find your way because of what I’ve done, and I promise, I will. I’m sure it’s inconvenient and a hassle, but it’s going to happen.”

  She shivered at the thought of spending time with Sten. “I understand and appreciate that, but can we put it on the back burner and focus on Nova first? I think I can live with being pink for the time being, but Nova? She’s made it obvious she can’t live this way.”

  He leaned back against the red-brick façade of Nina’s castle. “That’s fair. And who could blame her?”

  Murphy had to agree. “She is pretty scary looking.”

  “And she wasn’t lying, you know. You’re definitely the better-looking of the two of you,” he teased.

  Her cheeks flushed because he was so hot, and when a hot guy complimented you, that’s what happened. You found yourself embarrassed.

  Pulling at the winter leaves of a topiary in a pretty decorative pot at the end of the front porch, Murphy felt lost. She was normally pretty quick on her feet, but tonight, she was nothing more than dead weight.

  “So what do we do now?”

  Sten dragged his hand through his chin-length hair and sighed. “We find out where Bellamy got the curse, and we find the person who gave it to her. Then we kill the person who was foolish enough to give it to her and change Nova back.”

  Her stomach fell to the ground and without thinking, in her distress, she reached out to grab his arm. “Wait. Kill the person who gave the curse to her?” Did they kill people in Troll-ville? How was she supposed to know if he was serious? She watched TV. She’d seen Teen Wolf and The Vampire Diaries. The paranormal had their own rules, and Sten was basically considered paranormal, right? Did they kill people in his world for an offense like turning a human into a troll? “Is that a serious statement?”

  He grinned again. “Nah. I mean, sometimes we torture them. But no killing.”

  The blood drained from her face and she blinked, her eyes grainy and tired.

  He barked another laugh, the muscles in the column of his throat flexing. “Joke! That was a joke, Murphy. I promise.”

  She blew out a breath of relief. “So trolls got jokes, huh?”

  “Well, when you look like your sister, you sort of have to, don’t you think?”

  Murphy threw her head back and laughed. Genuinely laughed. “Nova deserved that.”

  Sten nodded and rocked back on his heels. “She sure did. Now, are you ready to get back in there and figure out who I have to find so we can get Nova taken care of? Or do you need another minute?”

  “I think I’m okay now.” Murphy began to make her way back toward the front door, but Sten touched her arm, stopping her and making her turn around.

  He took her hands in his as his orange eyes searched hers. “I meant what I said, Murphy. Nova’s predicament does require immediate attention, but that doesn’t mean you’re always going to be on the back burner. I’ll make sure of it.”

  She didn’t say anything. She only nodded, but it was rare that someone other than herself took charge, and that left her feeling safe.

  Protected.

  And that was really nice. Strange. A little unsettling, because it came from a stranger she knew almost nothing about.

  But still nice.

  Nova threw her arms around Murphy’s thighs. “I’m sorry, Murph. When this is all over, I’ll buy you a vacation wherever you want to go. Promise.”

  Murphy squeezed Nova’s arm. “It’s fine.” Ugh. There were those words again… She peeled Nova from her leg and looked down at her. “I don’t need a vacation, Nova. I need this to be fixed. So let’s figure out how to fix it and get on with our lives.”

  Nina sidled up to them and tapped Nova on the shoulder “And what else do you have to say to your sister, Hobbit?”

  “Stop calling me that!” Nova insisted, stomping her foot on the floor.

  Nina leaned down and leered at her, cupping her ear. “I’m sorry. What did you fucking say?”

  Nova rasped a sigh, backing away from Nina, definite fear in her eyes. “I’m sorry I said something shitty to you, Murph, it was mean and uncalled for and I was a…” She looked to Nina, who nodded her head and mouthed the words like some sort of beautifully pale momager. “A rude-ass jerkoff.”

  Nina patted her on the head, ruffling the straw mop on Nova’s skull with a smile. “Good little troll. Now, we have shit to do, and you’re going to sit quietly, shut your trap, and let the adults handle this without making another scene, isn’t that right?”

  “Whatever,” Nova groused flippantly, making Nina lean back into her with a raised eyebrow.

  “Say again?”

  Nova straightened instantly and nodded her large head vehemently. “Yes, Nina. I’m going to behave and let you figure this out.”

  “All done boohooing on my brother’s big, sturdy shoulders?” Bellamy asked Murphy as she tried to limp past them into the kitchen, her jeggings torn and bloody.

  Nina frowned at her and held up a hand, preventing Bellamy from fully entering the kitchen. “What now? Care to repeat that shit, Princess of Instagram? I told you to shut that fucking face of yours and quit with the antagonizing, or I’d show you what antagonizing was all about. Did you forget that conversation already? Because we can have it again, only this time I’ll do it while I put you in a choke hold.”

  Bellamy gave Nina a sullen look before casting her eyes to the floor. “No. No, I didn’t forget,” she said quietly.

  Nina thumbed her finger over her shoulder. “Then get the fuck in that kitchen and be useful, because you’re giving me a damn headache with your bullshit. You don’t want me to have a headache, Princess.” Then, leaning around Murphy, she growled in Bellamy’s face, “Now go!”

  Bellamy scurried around Murphy and made her way into the kitchen as quickly as she could while still limping, her face stricken.

  “Is she going to be okay?” Murphy asked, feeling inconsiderate because she hadn’t asked sooner, despite the circumstances.

  “Not if you listen to her weep and wail. Made it sound like she had a damn gunshot wound. But Miss Drama Queen’s gonna be fine. Now, you.” The vampire pointed at Murphy. “Into the living room. Marty and fucking Wanda have to have a plan of action and make a big deal out of strategizing like this is some presidential meeting of the fucking minds, and if I have to listen to this shit, you’re gonna listen, too.”

  Fighting a yawn, she didn’t debate with Nina because clearly, nobody debated with Nina, and if they did, they needed riot gear.

  She headed back to the living room ,where Marty, Wanda, Sten and a pale-green teenager sat with a very tiny, very sleek black cat.

  Marty smiled warmly at her and patted the couch, but Murphy was hesitant because of the
pale-green teenager. Was he a troll, too, and why did he have duct tape at his elbow and his wrists?

  He looked pretty harmless, but so did Nova, and she’d seen what being a troll had done to her sister.

  Wanda rose and held out her hand with a welcoming smile. “It’s okay, Murphy. I promise. Just some more paranormal surprises is all. C’mere, and I’ll introduce you. Please don’t be afraid.”

  Murphy took slow steps, with Nova clinging to her leg. “What is it?” Nova whispered, making Murphy frown at her.

  “Some might ask the same of you, Nova. Would you think before you speak. Jesus…”

  Nina was across the room in a flash, her long limbs and lean arms a blur until she stood right in front of them. “He’s not an it, Hobbit. He’s my damn kid, and you’d be wise to remember that if livin’ is your thing, because if you call him an ‘it’ again, I lay you out like a GD basketball and toss your ass outside. Understood?”

  “Sorry,” Nova mumbled. “I didn’t mean—”

  Murphy grabbed Nova’s arm and gave her a stern shut-up look.

  Wanda ran a hand over her temple and sighed as though she’d done this before. ”This is Carl, Murphy, and Carl is a zombie. The sweetest, kindest, warmest zombie in existence. He won’t hurt you. I promise.”

  Zombie? Murphy fought not to show her shock or any dismay at all, for fear Nina would pummel her into the ground.

  How was a zombie Nina’s child? What in genetics was going on here?

  Carl rose, his eyes oddly warm, and held out his hand to Murphy. “Hell…oo. I am…am Carl,” he said, a bit stilted, a bit slow, but so sweet it made Murphy’s teeth ache.

  Much in the way you literally felt Sten’s vibe, raw and powerful, you felt Carl’s, too. Soft and gentle, with touches of vulnerability that left her compelled to take the hand he offered.

  His skin was cold when they made contact, but the warmth in his smile made up for it. “Hi, Carl. I’m Murphy, and this is my sister Nova. It’s nice to meet you.”

  He bobbed his head, a dark thatch of hair falling across his forehead. “Yes…nice,” he murmured with a lopsided smile.

  The cat who’d been sitting on Carl’s lap hopped to the back of the couch and sat on its haunches, curling its tail around its tiny black body. “And before you get too comfortable with all the nutty shit going on in your new world, I’m a cat, and I talk. I’m the violent one’s sometime familiar, in case you’re wondering. She’s not just a damn vampire. She’s part witch. She’s a shitty witch, but a witch just the same.”

  The room sort of began to spin again as she absorbed yet more incredulous information, but then she felt a hand at her elbow, and Sten whispered in her ear, “It’s a lot to take in. Just breathe, Murphy.”

  Sliding to the sofa, and taking Nova with her, Murphy felt as though each time she began to get her bearings, there was something or someone else jumping on the float in this paranormal parade, and as exhaustion began to set in, she felt the weight of this newest discovery.

  Still, Carl was really kind of adorable as he settled in beside her and folded his hands in his lap.

  Breathing deeply, something she’d been doing a lot of tonight, she looked at everyone and said, “Okay. I’m here and my mental capacity is mostly intact. Where do we go from here, and how can I help get us there?”

  Folding her hands together in her lap, she blocked out all the other crazy things she’d seen tonight and sat up straight like she still had a spine.

  It was time to take control.

  Chapter 8

  “How could you have fucking forgot you have a GD dog, Troll?” Nina asked as they walked down the hallway of Murphy’s apartment building.

  She shrugged, keeping her head down and every square inch of available flesh covered in clothing as her heart throbbed in her chest.

  That she’d forgotten about her dog made her want to die, but the craziness of last night that bled into the early morning was still going strong now, even after she’d grabbed a couple hours of sleep.

  “Didja hear me, Troll? How the fuck do you forget a whole dog?”

  “Gee, I dunno, Vampire. Could it be not only did my sister suffer a trauma, but I did, too? Or do people accidentally end up turned into trolls every day, and I somehow missed the memo? One tends to forget pretty much everything when their utterly stunning sister walks into her office looking like a supermodel and walks out looking like a movie extra in Lord of The Rings. So sue me.”

  Nina scoffed, bumping shoulders with her. “Listen, Saucy Face, when I was turned, I didn’t forget my fucking hamster, Larry.”

  Murphy stopped in her tracks, her weary legs soft and achy from exhaustion. “You had a hamster named Larry?”

  The wonders never ceased with this woman. Learning she had a little girl named Charlie had nearly blown Murphy’s mind—and as a by the way, she was the sweetest baby in existence.

  Add in her zombie Carl and a husband named Greg whom Murphy had met briefly before he’d gone off on a business trip, a man who almost matched Nina in good looks, and it was nearly more than she could wrap her brain around.

  But a hamster?

  Someone as vicious and frightening as Nina had a pet who’d relied on her for love and attention, something she wasn’t societally beholden to care for it because it had come from her vagina?

  That was harder to digest than immortality—which, according to Sten, Murphy apparently now possessed.

  She made a face of clear disgust. “Yeah, I fucking had a hamster named Larry. I don’t get why the fuck that surprises everyone so damn much.”

  “I can’t begin to imagine,” Murphy muttered as they stopped at her door.

  Nova had wanted her to live-in when she’d first considered relocating, but when Murphy had finally agreed to give up her graphics job in Vermont to come help her sister build her Instagram presence, she’d insisted on her own place.

  She knew better than to lock herself down with Nova. Nova was demanding and difficult on the best of days, and when pondering how hard it could turn out to be to work for her sister, Murphy knew she’d need a place of her own to decompress if she took the job.

  At first it had been a tiny walkup in Queens, and as much as she missed the hills of Vermont and the small-town vibe, she enjoyed New York, too. When Nova had hit it big four years ago, and more money than she knew what to do with had begun to roll in, she’d insisted Murphy have an apartment befitting her job as Nova LaRue’s assistant.

  Also, it had been an apology of sorts for throwing Murphy under the bus after a botched meeting with a very important liquor company. Nova had stayed out all night long drinking and partying, and she overslept, missing the meeting entirely.

  Somehow, Murphy had managed to save the deal by appealing to their inner party animals, thereby making Nova a million dollars.

  That’s how she’d ended up in this Manhattan apartment. It was nowhere near as lush nor sported amazing views of the city the way Nova’s did, but Murphy loved it just the same because it was hers, and in her very spare time off, she’d turned it into her haven.

  Standing at her door, on the hardwood cedar floor of the hallway with domed lights on the wall and tasteful art, she put her ear to it and listened.

  Pancake—named after the meal she’d had just before finding him abandoned and tied to a tree—should be losing his mind at this point.

  He hadn’t been out for over fifteen hours. Why wasn’t he barking his head off? And why wasn’t her neighbor, Mrs. Schlittsbaum, standing outside her door, frowning with that sour look on her face because Pancake was obsessively barking and interrupting her Zoom therapy session?

  Wasn’t it Saturday morning?

  Panic began to set in as she keyed in the code for her security system on her phone and popped the door open, her stomach a jumble of nerves.

  “Pancake?” she called out, squinting into the darkness, forgetting about the fact that he couldn’t hear her. “C’mere, Buddy! It’s Mommy. C’mon, Punkin�
�, let’s do some walkies.”

  She dropped her palms against her legs—and as her eyes adjusted to the darkness, that was when it hit her.

  “Holy fuck,” Nina sputtered, instantly shoving Murphy behind her.

  Murphy blinked as she stood behind the vampire in the middle of her entryway and looked at her living room.

  Someone had tossed her apartment.

  Her sofa—on the back of which, Pancake usually sat so he could look out the window—was turned over. The beautiful antique chest she’d found at a garage sale and turned into a coffee table had been thrown halfway across the room and into the wall, leaving a dent in the sheetrock she’d painted soft greige.

  Her drop curtains hung haphazardly on the trio of windows overlooking a park as though someone had yanked on them, and her flat-screen, another gift from Nova, was on the floor in chunky pieces.

  She couldn’t see any further than that without turning on the lights, but she was afraid to direct her home system to do so, afraid of what she might encounter.

  Instantly, Nina put her hand on Murphy’s shoulder in a protective gesture. “Stay. Don’t move. Keep the lights off. I’ll sweep the apartment. Clear?”

  She grabbed Nina’s cool hand. “Wait. Shouldn’t we call for help?” Murphy whispered.

  “I am the fucking help,” Nina whispered back. “Stay here, and I mean that. Are we clear?”

  Even though she had to fight the bile in her stomach from rising to her throat, she nodded. “Crystal.”

  Tears sprang to her eyes when she thought about Pancake hurt and alone. She loved him almost as much as she loved Nova. Maybe more.

  When Nova had been off partying with her friends and promoting one product or another at some new club into the wee hours of the morning, and Murphy had still been new to the city, Pancake had been her lifeline.

  If soul mates could be pets, Pancake was hers. Part pug, part chihuahua, or at least that’s what the vet suspected, he was the oddest-looking dog in creation with his hysterical underbite, cinnamon-colored fur, squashed face, and body like a ten-pound barrel.