Accidentaly Divine Read online

  George nodded, coming down from the rush of emotions she hadn’t been prepared to receive. “I’m okay.”

  Now Nina reached a hand out of her, and when George let her envelope her fingers, she said, “Thanks. I don’t know what the fuck that was in there. Some kind of weird Vulcan mind-meld or whatever, but it looks like you helped my kid. He looked lighter, happier, I guess. You best believe, I won’t ever forget that shit. Not ever.”

  George squeezed Nina’s hand before turning to go back inside and leaving the vampire to sort out her thoughts, but she wouldn’t ever forget the fact that she’d been trusted with someone’s deepest, darkest moments and somehow, without saying much at all, she’d helped.

  Just by understanding. Just by listening.

  She wasn’t going to forget this moment either.

  Not ever.

  George grabbed Nina’s arm and looked up at her. She was flawless, even in the gloom of the early morning skies, heavy with the prospect of snow.

  “Are you sure about this, Nina?” George asked, trying to keep the worry from her voice.

  These people, the people who lived here at Mom and Dad’s Senior Living, meant something to her. She’d come to care about them. They’d helped her through things they didn’t even know they’d helped her through simply by being a part of the events she coordinated.

  She didn’t want them to end up hurt or frightened, and Nina wasn’t exactly going to win any contests for Best Vampire Cuddle Muffin.

  This felt like a lose-lose for not only her, but for her seniors. The Nina from last night was all but gone and in her place was cranky Vampirella, surly and annoyed at the early morning hour. Some of the seniors could be difficult at the best of times. Cranky plus cranky equaled explosive.

  Nina made a face at her and lifted her dark sunglasses. “Of course I’m fucking sure, Wings. We have to look out for you. Or do you want someone showing up and trying to hurt you for those damn wings?”

  George tucked her chin into her jacket as they stood in the parking lot of Mom and Dad’s. “We don’t know that’s going to happen. Besides, how would he even get them from me? I’m still having trouble producing them.”

  Dex had tried last night to teach her how to summon her wings, to no avail. It was ridiculous how bad she was at an act he claimed was simple.

  What was even more ridiculous? How attractive he’d suddenly become. Maybe that was the reason she couldn’t focus on learning how to summon her wings. Because he was so dang smokin’ hot.

  She’d left their lesson feeling like a complete buffoon, not only because she couldn’t get her wings to appear, but because it felt like everything she said or did with him was now clouded by the fact that he was an attractive male who technically wasn’t off limits to her the way she’d thought he was.

  That alone had left her awkward and stilted.

  Nina gazed down at her and glowered. “You know how he’ll get those wings from you? He’ll torture the fuck out of you until he gets them. You want that, Wings? Or do you want my ass here to wipe his ass all up and down the parking lot?”

  She blanched and swallowed hard. That was fair. Violence certainly could be an issue. If this alleged demon was willing to break into someone’s house to steal her wings, who’s to say he wasn’t violent.

  He was a demon, for the love of cake.

  Still… “Fine, Tower of Terror. I get it. But undercover, Nina?”

  She flicked George’s scarf. “What better damn way to watch you than be up your ass twenty-four-seven? How else can I do that if I don’t have a job here? I mean, what vampire—you know, a creature of the night—doesn’t want to get up at the crack of bloody dawn and hang out with little old people who smell like mothballs and microwaved Salisbury steak?”

  George slammed her finger against her lips. “Shhh! You can’t swear like that, Nina.”

  Marty rolled her eyes and pinched Nina’s arm hard. “Stop being an ass. You love seniors and they always love you. Do it in honor of Lou.”

  Lou was Nina’s grandmother, who the ladies had assured her was a perfect testament to Nina’s skill with the elderly.

  Still, George had her doubts. If there was ever a time to speak up, now was the time, when the people she’d come to love were in danger of having to shit out of their mouths if they upset the vampire.

  And her misgivings wouldn’t let her be. “But what do you know about caregiving and how on earth are you going to get them to hire you with no experience? I don’t want to be a naysayer, but let’s be honest. You’re not exactly warm cuddles and puppies.”

  “The fuck I’m not,” Nina growled, shoving her sunglasses back up her nose. “I can be very fucking warm. And don’t worry about our jobs. Dex fixed that the same way he fixed it when he got his job. They’re expecting us. Now shut the fuck up and let’s go find him. His text says he’s in the atrium. I don’t want to be late for my first round of sit baths and enemas.”

  The vampire pointed to the large circular entryway leading to the doors, where there was a beautiful stone fountain that gushed with tinkling water in the spring and summer. George often ate her lunch there, basking in the sun and watching the seniors come and go from their busy lives.

  Beyond that were the glass doors that led to the atrium and the coffee shop where Dex worked. Bright and sunny, it was the hub to all the offices of Mom and Dad’s Place employees, and the pool and activity rooms where the seniors could gather.

  As they stepped into the atrium, Dex, in his uniform consisting of green vest and white shirt with khaki pants, waved to them from the coffee counter.

  For a moment, everything looked different—or maybe it was simply that she was seeing things with new eyes. George stopped for a moment and absorbed the vibe of the enormous entryway.

  No, she wasn’t wrong. The people in the atrium were definitely giving off all manner of emotions she found overwhelming at first, until Wanda put her hand at George’s elbow.

  “It’s a busy place here, huh?” she said in George’s ear. “I know I’m never going to age, but if I were, I’d want to do it in a place like this where everyone’s bustling and smiling, happy to live out their retirements with like-minded people.”

  Wanda was right. Mom and Dad’s was a busy place for active, healthy seniors. Her words brought George’s thoughts back to the present and kept her from dwelling on anything but the task at hand. Getting to work.

  People hustled in and out, grabbing their morning coffee on their way to start their days, waving to her as they went. Along with the coffee shop, there was a small sundry shop where one could grab little items like aspirin or a bottled drink, and right next door was a barber shop/beauty salon.

  “Hey, guys. How are you this morning?” Dex asked with a smile, brushing his fingers over hers, making her stomach jiggle with butterflies.

  He’d left Marty’s early this morning to go to his place to shower and change into his work clothes, and probably to have some alone time to curse her very existence while he screamed into the void.

  Because she was a crappy, crappy student.

  “We’re fucking great, Dex,” Nina groused. “I’m up with the roosters and rarin’ to go. So what’s my job today? Sponge baths and IVs?”

  George nudged her and frowned. “It’s not like that here, Nina. I told you, this is a senior living center for people sixty-five and over who are probably healthier than me. All the people here have homes of their own right out there.” She pointed to the far wall with floor-to-ceiling glass windows. “They have their own apartments just like any other apartment complex. They can cook for themselves if they want, they can do all the normal things people who live everywhere can do. They just choose to do it with other seniors. So lay off the idea of sponge baths and IVs, Vampire Lady.”

  Dex grabbed a towel from the white Formica countertop and smiled at Nina. “I have good news, Nina. No baths at all. You’re going to work in the kitchen, and Marty and Wanda are going to work in the beauty salon an
swering the phone and washing hair.”

  Nina brushed her hands together and nodded, clearly resigned to her undercover duties. “Okey-doke. Where to?”

  Someone wolf-whistled from behind them, making them all turn around.

  George squinted through the sunlight that had suddenly begun to pour through the atrium and saw Barnabas Duckworth, seventy-two, spry as the day is long, probably as horny, too, moderately wealthy, tan, and a total letch.

  He was what some of the ladies called the pretend George Hamilton of Mom and Dad’s.

  “Would ya look at this passel of fillies, Georgie Porgie Puddin’ Pie?” he said as he sidled up to Nina and eyeballed her with a leer. He leaned into her and winked. “Who are you, hot pants?”

  Nina lifted her sunglasses and glared down at him. “People call me Young Enough to be Your Granddaughter, but you can call me Nina. Who are you, Pop-Pop?” she asked, tacking on a laugh to soften the blow of her teasing.

  But Barnabas laughed with her. “Barnabas Duckworth. Rich, single, ready to mingle, and did I mention rich?”

  As he said those words, as he smoldered a gaze at Nina before running a hand over his slicked-back full head of white hair, Effie Sampson scurried in.

  If Barnabas was a dirty old man, Effie was a crusty old bird. In her early seventies, unsurprisingly single all her life, in great shape for her age, she was one of the tougher customers George had run into during her time as events coordinator.

  Thankfully, Effie didn’t want much to do with anyone. She was happy to stay alone in her one-bedroom apartment and play armchair critic. She wanted nothing to do with the events George put together at Mom and Dad’s. She wanted to be left alone, and most were happy to do exactly that due to her sharp bark.

  When she stalked toward the group of women, her small eyes darting from face to face, she frowned and pointed at George. “You,” she said, glaring at her. “Why can’t I ever find you when I need you? Don’t you ever work?”

  But George couldn’t answer her because all sound in the room evaporated when a disembodied voice, like the whisper of the wind, caressing her skin said, “Effie is the one.”

  And she knew, without a shadow of a doubt, Effie Sampson was her first case as a guardian angel.

  Aw. Come. On.

  Chapter 8

  “Everything okay so far today?” Dex asked.

  She shivered, even though she wasn’t at all cold, looking out the windshield of her Prius where she and Dex had met for their lunch break.

  George wouldn’t be surprised if the devil himself showed up at this point, pitchfork in hand, but she’d plowed through her day anyway, trying to ignore the fact that her wings were a hot item in Hell—pardon the pun.

  She hadn’t been able to stop thinking about the idea that someone had tried to steal her wings.

  Though seriously, good luck getting their hands on wings even George couldn’t get her hands on without Dex’s help. Whoever this demon was, he’d be SOL trying to steal them from her. And who was this demon? Did all demons have names like Darnell?

  After she’d heard the story of how Darnell had become a demon, her perspective broadened. All through that amazing dinner with everyone last night, she couldn’t help but wish this had happened to her sooner.

  Mostly because she and Gladys had somewhere to be, and it wasn’t at a bar, or some party where everyone was drunk, or at a singles retreat where she had to do stupid exercises meant to prepare you for the dating world. That might sound crazy to some people. These folks were, after all, technically frowned upon in religions far and wide, but they didn’t seem to care.

  They had each other. That appeared to be all that mattered.

  It was something she’d always wanted. To be included. To trust. To be accepted…

  Dex nudged her, bringing her back to the present. “George? Did you hear me? Is everything okay?”

  She shook her head to clear the cobwebs. “Do you mean are-there-any-rogue-demons-chasing-me-for-my-wings okay? Or just in general, trying-to-fix-this-whole-Cabo-vacation-mess okay?”

  Dex frowned as he pulled his sandwich from a brown paper bag. “Both. I’m worried about what happened last night at Marty’s, George. I want you to take extra care.”

  “Don’t you worry about a thing. See that person over there by the fountain?” She pointed to a figure of average height in a long black trench coat with a fedora pulled over their eyes.

  He squinted out at the white landscape and frowned. “Uh-huh.”

  “That’s Marty playing international spy. Darnell was here earlier to keep watch on me, but he got some tip about who might want my wings from his contacts in Hell. So Marty took an early lunch to be my relief bodyguard. I haven’t been alone all morning. If Nina wasn’t skulking behind me, making every senior far and wide fall in love with her, it was Wanda, effortlessly gliding down the halls like the Queen of England. In fact, Nina’s so good with them, I think Eulie Atkins is going to leave her his entire collection of Civil War memorabilia, including a forage cap rumored to have been worn by Robert E. Lee, and that was after only one conversation with her at breakfast.”

  Wanda hadn’t been kidding when she said Nina loved seniors. For all the complaining she’d done about sit baths and enemas, she sure had made fast friends with the seniors as she served them breakfast.

  Dex barked a husky laugh as he shook his head in disbelief. “Eulie? Really? That old codger?”

  George nodded. “Yup, Eulie. He was so enamored, I’m worried he might leave Tish for her. And Wanda? Yikes, she’s so graceful and kind. Everyone wanted to talk to her while she was trying to take phone calls in the beauty salon, and I shudder to think what some of the women would say if they knew Marty owned Bobbie-Sue and Pack Cosmetics.”

  Dex gave her a knowing look. “Man, I love those women. They’re ride or die. I told you they’d look out for you. Either way, I don’t care how much protection you have, please stay aware. I don’t understand what good your wings would do for a demon, especially in Hell, but I’m going to find out as soon as I can get ahold of Titus. Until then, please be safe.”

  Said the guardian angel… George sighed. “Okay, that aside, I have some news.”

  He cocked a dark eyebrow at her. “Meaning?”

  George swallowed hard, loosening the scarf Marty had so creatively showed her how to tie around her neck this morning. “I’ve decided I don’t know if I can do this, Dex.”

  She’d opted to take her lunch break in her car after a long morning of checking on flights for a group trip to Cabo, where the travel agent gave her nothing but grief and an entirely different price than she’d quoted her last week.

  “What?” he asked, taking a big bite of his tuna sandwich. “Book flights to Cabo? Poor George,” he teased.

  “No. I mean Effie Sampson. She’s who I’m supposed to help.”

  Dex stopped chewing and looked at her. “How do you know?”

  “I know because I heard the voice in my head say she’s the one.”

  “Ah, yeah. The voice. The disembodied voice that sounds like a celebrity?”

  She jabbed a finger in the air. “That’s the one. It was Darth Vader, if you must know. Is that you-know-who?” George’s eyes went upward in reverence.

  Dex laughed and smiled his handsome smile. “No. That’s Gilbert. He works in Assignments and he was once a voice actor and impressionist. You should hear his Robin Williams ordering fast food. It’s on point.”

  She laughed at the thought, but then she sobered. She had a job to do and even if the subject was Effie Sampson, she wanted to do it right. If she ever wanted to find a place to fit in, it was here—especially seeing as someone’s happiness was at stake.

  “So, sensei, what now?”

  He wiped his mouth with a napkin. “Now we find out why she needs your help, George.”

  “Oh, okay. I’ll just ask her. ‘Say, Effie Sampson, resident sourpuss, what is it I can help make better in your life today? I’m an angel, you k
now. I fix things. What can I fix for you?’” She made a face at him. “Are you kidding me? She’ll bite my face off, Dex. You know what she’s like.”

  Dex turned and smiled at her, the vinyl of her car’s seat crunching as he changed positions. “You know, that’s not half bad. Maybe I’ll try that approach next time.”

  She gave him a nudge with her hand and made a face at him. “Are you my team leader or aren’t you? Be a leader, please. I mean, I almost always run the other way when Effie comes around because her discontent with everything and everyone is legendary, not to mention loud. How am I going to stomach her for longer than the two seconds it takes to run past her with a drive-by fake cheerful wave?”

  Dex gave her a thoughtful glance. “Have you given thought to the idea she behaves poorly for a reason? I’m not making excuses for her. She is what one would classify as crotchety old lady, but why do you suppose that is? Does she even know that no one likes her?”

  She leaned her head on her fist and sat back against the doorframe. “Well, I’d think her first clue was seeing everyone from behind when they turn around and practically trip over themselves to run the other way, Dex. And if that isn’t enough, maybe the fact that no one will sit with her, I’ve heard not even during church services, should cinch the deal. You can’t really think she doesn’t know she’s mean. She has no friends. No visitors. Of course she knows she’s not exactly a good time.”

  Dex’s gaze was intent. “But why is she mean, George? What makes her tick. Maybe she’s mean purposely. You know, to keep people away from her, and if that’s the case, why doesn’t she want anyone to get close?”

  “So you think she behaves like that because of some deep-seated issue stemming from somewhere in her past?”

  Dex shrugged and leaned back against the window. “Don’t we all?”

  Rolling her eyes, she instantly knew he was teaching her a lesson within the lesson. Yes. She had behaviors that seeped into her present life that came from her past.