Accidentally Catty Read online

  “You? Cause trouble? I’d never believe it,” a gruff voice called from the mudroom off the kitchen.

  “He has an accent.”

  Finally a voice that belonged to someone who wasn’t disembodied.

  Katie smirked in her aunt’s direction. “And look who’s suddenly acquired the ears of an eighteen-year-old.”

  Spanky made his way into the big kitchen, extending a hand to Teeny, whose fingers immediately went to the pocket of her housecoat to pull out her pink bandanna with the skulls on it. She tugged it over her head, tying it in the back to hide her thinning hair.

  Katie’s nostrils flared when Spanky entered the kitchen. He smelled of the outdoors, fresh and crisp with a hint of pine and clean, country air. Katie fought the quickening of her heart at the sexy picture he made, even in ill-fitting jeans and a flannel shirt that was too short in length, reminding herself he was gay. He nodded cordially in her direction and said, “Eh, what’s up, Doc?” in a sad, but distinguishable, Bugs Bunny voice.

  “Ooooh-weee. Ain’t you finer ’n a plate of fried chicken and gravy? I could just sop you up with a biscuit. I’m Katie’s aunt, Bettina. Teeny for short.”

  Spanky let his dark head sink low when he took Teeny’s hand. “A pleasure. I’m . . .”

  Katie bit her lip, hoping Teeny’s hearing impairment would kick into high gear when he offered up the name Spanky.

  “Hey, Beckham!” Ingrid greeted, from the entrance to the kitchen by way of the clinic, wildly waving her hands behind Teeny’s back and skidding in on white vinyl platform boots, screeching to a halt just short of Spanky.

  “Beckham. I’m Beckham. Beck for short,” Spanky repeated dutifully, the unfamiliar name rolling off his tongue without a hint of unease. “Brilliant to meet you, Teeny.”

  Beckham? Katie mouthed in Ingrid’s direction, lifting an eyebrow.

  Ingrid held up a ragmag with a picture of David and Victoria Beckham on it, giving her a wince and a shrug. She bumped shoulders with Beckham like they were old friends. As though last night hadn’t been like seeing the Second Coming and Friday the thirteenth all rolled into one hair-raising experience for her. “So how’s it going today, Beck?”

  Katie rose, hoping to avoid any more explanations about Beckham. It wasn’t like she’d discussed hiring someone to help around the place with Teeny. As though anyone in town would come to chop the devil’s wood anyway—even if she offered to pay them.

  He’d appeared out of nowhere; the less explanation about his circumstances, the better. “Beck was just chopping some wood, Ingrid. Something we sorely need for the wood-burning stove.” She waved a dismissive hand at him. “So . . . you go, er, chop and I’ll go see how our guests are doing.”

  “Bah,” Teeny protested. “Where’s your manners, Katie-did? Let the boy sit and have coffee to warm up that big body of his. We don’t want somethin’ that finger-lickin’ good to get frostbit.” Teeny rose, shuffling to the coffeepot, ignoring Katie’s protest that it was only forty degrees out. Hardly frostbite weather.

  “You like sugar in your coffee, Beck?” she asked over her shoulder with a wink.

  He didn’t even know his name. It was unlikely he knew if he liked coffee. Teeny’s leering goodwill toward their new roommate ruffled Katie’s feathers—which was ridiculous, petty with a cap on the P, and uncalled for. “Yes, how do you like your coffee, Beck?” Katie inquired, syrupy sweet.

  “With teeth,” he replied without hesitation, then stopped to ponder that admission by raising an eyebrow.

  “Who’s Keith?” Teeny asked, carrying the mug to him and plunking it in front of him with a toothless smile.

  Ingrid must have recognized how frazzled Katie was and gratefully intervened for her. “Teeth, Aunt Teeny. He likes his coffee with teeth. Which I think means bite. No sugar, no cream, really strong.”

  Beck’s nod was slow but the more he nodded, it was clear the more he’d become convinced that was indeed how he liked his coffee. “Yes. I like it strong.”

  Teeny snickered. “Me, too, big fella.” She settled into her chair and leaned over next to him. She had a habit of invading your personal space in order to hear your words, and that was as good excuse as any to splay herself over the gorgeousness of Beck. “So what brings you to Piney Creek?”

  They all looked at each other.

  What did bring him to Piney Creek?

  Guilt hung in the air like a helium balloon.

  “Me!” Marty yelped from the top of the stairs where the bedrooms were located. She skipped down the wooden staircase, Muffin and Petey following close behind. She hustled into the kitchen, smiling bright and cheery, her makeup and accessories picture perfect. “I brought him to Piney Creek. I’m Marty Flaherty. It’s just so lovely to finally meet you. I’ve heard so much about you, Aunt Teeny. Katie has nothing but complimentary things to say about you.”

  Katie cocked her head in Marty’s direction, a bewildered question in her eyes. Marty shot her an “I got your back” look when Teeny leaned forward and tugged on her dress while scooping up a willing Muffin who was thankfully, blissfully, silent in Katie’s head. “Ain’t you the smart one in your fancy clothes?”

  Marty beamed and gave her a wink of her blue eye; never once considering Teeny was criticizing her apparel. “Thank you. So I see you’ve met, uh . . .”

  “Beckham,” Katie provided, letting the corner of her lips lift in a half smirk when Ingrid stuck her tongue out at her and Beck himself narrowed his blue eyes.

  “Beckham! Right. Sorry. I’m groggy from all the clean, country air. Anyway, I can’t tell you how grateful I am that Katie offered my cousin this job. He’s from London. Poor thing would have been living in a cardboard box if not for Katie’s generosity. I mean, with the economy in the toilet, you can imagine there isn’t much call for Speedo designers these days—”

  “Speedos?” Beck grumbled his displeasure.

  “But thank goodness Katie mentioned she needed help around the house,” Wanda added, sailing into the kitchen, holding Paulie in her arms and looking like she’d never shed her clothes and left them in a rumpled pile on the floor at her four paws. “We knew just the man for the job. Beck’s so good at anything handy and DIY. Katie’s offer was a blessing from right out of the blue.” She turned her back to Teeny and the others briefly to drag her finger across her throat in a warning to Marty. She mouthed the word Speedo much in the way Katie had to Ingrid earlier, rolling her eyes at her friend in disgust.

  Whirling back around, Wanda set Paulie on the floor with a kiss to the top of his head and extended her hand to Teeny, a wide, warm smile on her face. “I’m Wanda Schwartz Jefferson. So lovely to meet you.”

  Teeny’s eyebrow rose over the rim of her cup before she set it down and took Wanda’s hand. “You all friends of Katie’s from the city?”

  “Yes!” Marty and Wanda chimed in unison.

  “Friends. We’re all friends,” Wanda agreed with a vigorous nod of her head. “Definitely, definitely friends—from the, uh, city.”

  Teeny nodded, chucking Muffin under the chin while she cast a scathing eyeball to Wanda’s heels. “I should’ve known. The way you all dress like you’re goin’ to church and here it is only Tuesday.”

  “So she obviously hasn’t met Nina?” Marty quipped with a grin.

  Beck chuckled low, taking another sip of his coffee while he let this charade play out in the hands of the women who’d suddenly taken over his life.

  Katie almost chuckled, too, until she realized, Nina was sleeping in the upstairs bedroom’s walk-in closet. Shit. “Where’s Casey?”

  “There’s more of ’em?” Teeny asked.

  “Just two,” Wanda informed her, holding up her fingers. “Nina and Casey are still sleeping. Must’ve been all that fresh air—knocked them right out. We were all so excited about Beck’s new job, we decided to make a day of it by getting out of the city and seeing some real fall foliage. It really is pretty here,” she remarked. “And your house is
fabulous. Thank you so much for your hospitality.”

  Katie held her breath. Teeny, suspicious by nature and clearly not as enamored of Wanda and Marty as she was of Beck and his wrinkle-free body, pushed away from the table with a grunt. “Didn’t know I was bein’ hospitable to begin with, but any friends of Katie are always welcome to hang their hats on my hook. I don’t know what you girls have planned for the day, but I got some plantin’ to do. Gotta go get my teeth.” She clapped Beck on the shoulder and winked. “Lunchtime’s noon. Save your appetite. I cook.”

  Teeny shuffled off to her bedroom to the collective releasing of pent-up air.

  Beck leaned back in his chair, crossing his ankle over his leg, giving Marty an amused look. “Speedos? Spee-dos?”

  She threw her hands up in the air in apology. “I know. I know. All I could think of was your mention of Project Runway last night, and I made the leap from clothing designers to Speedos. I’m sorry—it just popped out of my mouth.”

  Katie glanced at the two women and Ingrid. “Thank you. I was mulling over what to tell Aunt Teeny for most of last night.”

  “And another thing,” Beck interrupted. “Beckham, Ingrid? Like David Beckham?”

  Ingrid grinned. “It was the first thing that came to mind and it beats Spanky. I like it.”

  “Hands down, it beats Spanky,” he agreed, his approval making Ingrid preen.

  “You know the name David Beckham, but you can’t remember your own? Why do you suppose that is?” Katie asked, a peevish tone to her voice. Petey and Paulie heard her tone of voice, usually reserved for asking them what they were doing digging in the trash, and cocked their heads in her direction. Blissfully, they were as silent as Muffin.

  Beck shrugged. “I guess I know David Beckham’s name in the same way I knew Project Runway and how to button my shirt. I just did. So I’ll thank you to keep your skepticism to yourself, Katie Woods. Nina told you I had no memories in my head. Are you calling the scariest woman alive a liar? Were I you, I’d retract that statement instantly. My impression is she’s killed for less.”

  “She’s killed for just a nibble on a Twinkie,” Casey said on a giggle, slipping down the stairs and heading toward the coffeepot Katie pointed to.

  “The hell you say,” Nina said gruff and bleary-eyed. She had a white stripe of zinc oxide over her nose and she’d wrapped a hoodie over her head. The sunglasses she wore hid her eyes, but Katie knew what lay behind them. “Who called me a liar? I’m damned tired, people. Don’t make me take it out on you by way of my fist down your throat.”

  Ingrid’s fear of Nina took hold once more as she inched her chair closer to Beck’s. “Shouldn’t you still be asleep? It’s only nine in the morning . . .” Her face went from flushed to ashen. Her hands shook when they twisted the fabric of her miniskirt. “Omigod—will you turn to dust? Like right here in the kitchen?” That familiar tremble from last night in Ingrid’s lower lip returned.

  Nina let her head fall back on her shoulders to show her irritation. “Listen, lamebrain, if you’d paid attention last night, you’d know I can tolerate some sunlight with the proper protection. I don’t like it, but it’s doable, and if I had to spend one more second smelling all that girly soap and perfume up there in that closet, surrounded by all that lace, I was going to gak my cookies up. So I’m awake. Appease me.” Beck rose to offer her a chair, but she waved him off and instead sunk down to the floor where Dozer lay, placing a hand on his rib cage to give him a scratch. Petey and Paulie, usually cautious around strangers, hovered at her hip.

  Dozer stretched leisurely, letting her give him a good rubdown, moaning his appreciation while Muffin curled into her slim hip. “So what’s on tap today, people? Did Felix the Cat remember anything, or are we still in the same fucking place we were last night?”

  Beck leaned down, letting his eyes rove over Nina’s face with leisurely arrogance. “Felix has a name now, thank you very much. You may refer to me as Beck. I’ll thank you kindly to remember that and no, he didn’t remember anything. But it certainly wasn’t for lack of trying. I pondered this—this shapeshifting thing and the idea I created this feline havoc all night long while I was in a bed clearly made for one of the seven dwarves. I don’t want to look the proverbial gift cougar in the mouth, but I believe the pink-and-purple ruffled spread prevented any clearing of the haze my thoughts are muddled by.”

  Katie winced. She’d put him in the room she’d once slept in as a child when she visited her aunt Teeny during the summers. A deep snort almost spewed from her throat at the visual of his long, lean body crammed into her bed with the pink-and-purple canopy.

  Nina rolled her tongue along the inside of her cheek while she scooped both Petey and Paulie into her lap. “Oooo, look at you all cagey and full of fire this A.M. Which would be hot if it wasn’t for the fact that nobody’s allowed to be cockier than me this early in the morning. So let’s get one thing straight, pussycat. I’m fucking tired. I slept in a walk-in closet that smelled like the perfume counter at Macy’s all in the name of some peace. I need to feed soon. Add to that, I don’t like people—especially new people like A River Runs Through It and you, Chicken Little.” She nodded her head in Ingrid’s direction. “Being with all of you for the last twelve hours has been like some kind of ‘new people’ intervention by force. It makes me cranky. So can the cocky. Nobody gives me permission to do anything.” She followed up her statement by reaching up and flicking his flannel collar.

  “So sayeth Nina,” Beck taunted out of the side of his mouth, stooping to run a tanned hand over Muffin’s head and chuck Dozer under the chin as though he were letting Nina know she couldn’t intimidate him.

  Wow. She was right. He was hot. And not afraid of Nina. Hotter still.

  Casey’s giggle was light as a breeze. “I think he just told you to shut it, Nina.”

  Wanda was instantly between them, scooting the dogs off her lap and hauling Nina up with a yank to her long arm. “C’mon, bruiser. We have errands to run if we’re going to be in town for a few days, and you’re helping while Marty and Casey get in touch with Darnell.”

  Nina let her head fall back on her shoulders with a whining grunt. “Fuck you, Wanda. I don’t want to run errands. I want to go home to my man and feed, not hang out in the town called Deliverance while banjos da-da-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding-ding in the background.”

  Wanda pinched her cheek and grinned. “Aw, then how unfortunate to be you today, Princess. You can’t go home to someone who isn’t there. Heath called me this morning from Pebble Beach. Hollis is with Keegan and Mara and Naomi are babysitting while the boys are on an impromptu ‘the girls have stuck their noses into another mess’ trip. He said they decided while we quote, unquote, save the noob paranormal, they might as well amuse themselves. But don’t you fret your unforgiving tongue about blood, either. Darnell’s bringing you enough to last a week. Now come. Put your best scary face on, Sunshine. You know you want to. I’ll need someone to frighten off the unfriendly locals with just one grunt so I can shop in peace.”

  “Enough blood for a week? A flippin’ week?” Nina griped, frowning.

  Wanda cocked an eyebrow in reprimand at her as she gathered her purse, letting it slide to the crook of her arm. “It’ll be for as long as I say it will. Now shut it and march.” She pointed a finger at the back door with the colorful stained glass window.

  Nina stomped out the door Beck obligingly held open for her with his self-assured smile. “Allow me, Nina,” he cooed.

  She flipped her middle finger over her shoulder at him as she slunk down the front porch steps, each heavy fall of her feet ringing with her discontent.

  “Wanda, wait.” Katie jumped up, putting her hand on her arm. “I’ve taken enough of your time as it is. I can’t ask you to leave your lives for me.”

  Wanda’s brown eyes were warm. “First, don’t talk crazy. You’re as helpless as a fetus in the womb. I couldn’t live with myself if I left you in this semi-shift and didn’t try to
figure some way to help you. None of us knew what to expect when Marty was turned, but we all learned from each other’s experiences. Second, there’s something else, Katie. I woke up this morning with one thought after what happened last night. This is my life—or what I want to do with it when I’m not writing. Help people like you in paranormal distress. I decided no matter what the rest of the girls do, I’m going to try and make OOPS work. It makes me happy. So say no more,” she chided with a cluck of her tongue.

  “Now I’m off to stir up this sleepy town with my big-mouthed vampire. Marty and Casey will tell you all about Darnell. I pray he has some answers.” She raised a hand in the air and with a wave she was gone.

  Ingrid rose from the table, the glare of the multiple studs in her eyebrows glinting in the sunlight. “I’m going to go scour the Internet for shapeshifter info while I watch the front desk, Boss. How do you feel, by the way? You want me to close shop for the day? I don’t think you should see patients this way.”

  Katie’s chest lifted in a sigh of remorse for the practice she could have if only the townspeople would let her. Some days, she didn’t know why she bothered to flip the sign on her door to OPEN. “Like we have many of those anyway, Ingrid? Or have you forgotten my right and proper shunning?”

  Ingrid shook her finger at Katie just like she’d done a thousand times before when Katie had mourned out loud her lack of clientele for much else but the pet hotel/boarding she offered—something Dr. Jules didn’t. “But you never know. I mean, who knew what happened last night could really happen? I’ve been telling you all along, it just takes one little shift in the cosmic wheel and poof”—she made a blowing-up motion with her hands that made her multiple bracelets jingle—“we have liftoff. Keep the faith.”

  Katie smiled with the optimism she knew Ingrid needed. “I don’t know where I’d be without you, Ingrid. And for today, I agree. Let’s close up shop. Though, really, I feel fine.” And she did. In fact, she’d felt more alert and rested on three hours’ sleep than she’d ever felt after eight.